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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 405535 times)
AoTFan
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« Reply #675 on: December 20, 2017, 05:57:34 PM »

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indianasmith
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A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #676 on: December 20, 2017, 09:07:49 PM »

What were Kurt Cobain's last words?

"I need drugs like I need a hole in my head!"
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"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"
ER
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The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters. (sic)


« Reply #677 on: December 21, 2017, 09:20:50 AM »


I try to re-tell this sick joke one at least once a year, and since 2017 is almost over....


One dark and stormy night a serial killer kidnapped a little boy and was carrying him off to his lair in the middle of a dark woods when the child said, "It sure is scary in here!"

To which the molester replied, "You're telling me, and I'm gonna hafta walk outa here alone!"
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What does not kill me makes me stranger.
ER
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 1754
Posts: 13425


The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters. (sic)


« Reply #678 on: December 22, 2017, 10:03:43 AM »


A man off the street looks into a barber shop and calls in, "So how long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "Oh, maybe two hours."

So the man at the door leaves.

A few days later the same man sticks his head in the door and asks, "So how long today before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About two hours, give or take."

The man at the door leaves.

A week later the same man sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "Today it's probably an hour."

Once more the man outside walks away.

The barber looks over at a waiting customer and says "Hey, Tyrone, free shave and haircut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

Bit later Tyrone comes back to the shop laughing hysterically, so the barber says, "Well, this must be good. Where did he go when he left here?"

Tyrone says, "Your apartment!"
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What does not kill me makes me stranger.
AoTFan
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 242
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« Reply #679 on: December 23, 2017, 06:06:30 PM »

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
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indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
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A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #680 on: December 23, 2017, 11:34:36 PM »

Tonight we had to make a last-minute WalMart run to buy ingredients for tomorrow's dinner.  One of the things we needed was molasses, but they were sold out.  So we drove down the street to Brookshire's and found a jar of molasses there.  As we were walking to the checkout, inspiration hit me and I asked my wife:

"Do we need any other mole parts, or just molasses?" 

She hung her head in shame (or else to stifle her laugher) until we left the store.
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"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"
Alex
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« Reply #681 on: December 25, 2017, 10:12:14 AM »

I saw two Santa's wrestling a reindeer today.

I think it was a Ho Ho Hoedown.
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But do you understand That none of this will matter Nothing can take your pain away
ER
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 1754
Posts: 13425


The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters. (sic)


« Reply #682 on: January 08, 2018, 10:18:38 AM »

As a class of kindergarten students were coming back from break, the teacher asked what each had gotten for Christmas.

"I got a choo-choo," said one little boy.

"Justin," the teacher said,"you're getting to be a big boy now, so say it right. You got a train for Christmas."

She asked the next pupil, a little girl who said, "I got a new sled from my mee-maw."

"Remember," said the teacher, "we're all going to stop talking like preschoolers now and use big people words, so, Emma, you got a sled from your grandma."

She then asked the next little boy what he'd gotten, and he said, "I got a book."

"How nice," said the teacher. "And what book did you get?'

The boy was about to answer when he remembered what his teacher had said about not using baby words anymore, so he proudly stated, "I got Winnie the s**t!"
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What does not kill me makes me stranger.
AoTFan
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« Reply #683 on: January 21, 2018, 02:58:30 AM »

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RCMerchant
Bela
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"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


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« Reply #684 on: January 21, 2018, 04:38:32 AM »

Some nut walks up to a pretty girl in a bar.

Nut-"Dam. Your remind me of school!"

Girl-" School? "

Nut -"Yeah-I wanna shoot kids inside you."
« Last Edit: January 21, 2018, 05:57:43 AM by RCMerchant » Logged

"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
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"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #685 on: January 21, 2018, 08:46:38 AM »

I guy comes home one day and his girlfriend is packing her bags. He asks her what's going on, and she says  "You're a pedophile!"

And he says, "That's an awfully big word for a 6 year-old."
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"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30431


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #686 on: January 21, 2018, 12:07:55 PM »

Do you know why Jesus can't eat M&M's?

Because they fall through the holes in his hands.

(BOOM! CRACK! "ARGHHHH!!!")
sound of me getting struck by lightning.
Logged

"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 2591
Posts: 15182


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #687 on: January 21, 2018, 02:05:21 PM »

Do you know why Jesus can't eat M&M's?

Because they fall through the holes in his hands.

(BOOM! CRACK! "ARGHHHH!!!")
sound of me getting struck by lightning.

the bad part is I just came home from church and still laughed at this!
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"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"
Olivia Bauer
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 363
Posts: 3606



« Reply #688 on: January 23, 2018, 01:56:19 PM »

"What do you call an abortion in Prague? A cancelled Czech!"

- Hugo, Atheists Watch "Voiceless"

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indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 2591
Posts: 15182


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #689 on: January 23, 2018, 06:52:37 PM »

Man, that Joan of Arc chick was totally lit!!!   TeddyR
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"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"
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