Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
April 19, 2024, 09:14:13 AM
 714234 Posts in 53092 Topics by 7736 Members
Latest Member: ShayneGree
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 60 61 [62] 63 64 ... 87
Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 407884 times)
Svengoolie 3
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: -166
Posts: 5821
« Reply #915 on: March 12, 2019, 08:15:47 PM »
A photon checks into a hotel. The clerk asks him if he needs help with his luggage.

The photon says "No,  i'm traveling light. "
Logged
The doctor that circumcised Trump threw away the wrong piece.
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 2282
Posts: 20728


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!
« Reply #916 on: March 12, 2019, 09:24:17 PM »
When anyone says "You're not a real woman?" what does CAITLYN JENNER say? 

 . . .
Logged
If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
Svengoolie 3
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: -166
Posts: 5821
« Reply #917 on: March 14, 2019, 02:12:03 AM »
Logged
The doctor that circumcised Trump threw away the wrong piece.
AoTFan
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 242
Posts: 1396
« Reply #918 on: March 18, 2019, 06:51:10 PM »
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton walk in to a bar.
 Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says,
 “The media is really tearing you apart for that Scandal.”
 Hillary: “You mean my lying about Benghazi?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “You mean the massive voter fraud?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “Using my secret private server with classified material to hide my Activities?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “Using the Clinton Foundation as a cover for tax evasion, hiring cronies, and taking bribes from foreign countries?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “You mean the drones being operated in our own country without the benefit of the law?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million, and right afterward it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “You mean arming the Muslim Brotherhood and hiring them in the White House?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “Whitewater, Watergate committee, Vince Foster, commodity Deals?”
 Trump: “No the other one:”
 Hillary: “Turning Libya into chaos?”
 Trump: “No the other one:”
 Hillary: “Being the mastermind of the so-called Arab Spring that only brought chaos, death and destruction to the Middle East and North Africa?”
 Trump: “No the other one:”
 Hillary: “Leaving four Americans to die in Benghazi?”
 Trump: “No the other one:”
 Hillary: “Trashing Mubarak, one of our few Muslim friends?”
 Trump: “No the other one:”
 Hillary: “The funding and arming of terrorists in Syria, the destruction and destabilization of that nation, giving the order to our lapdogs in Turkey and Saudi Arabia to give sarin gas to the “moderate” terrorists in Syria that they eventually used on civilians, and framed Assad, and had it not been for the Russians and Putin, we would have used that as a pretext to invade Syria, put a puppet in power, steal their natural resources, and leave that country in total chaos, just like we did with Libya?
 Trump: “No the other one:”
 Hillary: “The creation of the biggest refugees crisis since WWII?”
 Trump: “No the other one:”
 Hillary: “Leaving Iraq in chaos?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “The DOJ spying on the press?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean HHS Secretary Sibelius shaking down health insurance Executives?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “Giving our cronies in SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “The NSA monitoring citizens?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General Investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “Me, The IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “Threats to all of Bill’s former mistresses to keep them quiet?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean the INSIDER TRADING of the Tyson chicken deal I did where I invested $1,000 and the next year I got $100,000?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean when Bill met with Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, just before my hearing with the FBI to cut a deal?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean the one where my IT guy at Platte River Networks asked Reddit for help to alter emails?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “You mean where the former Haitian Senate President accused me and my foundation of asking him for bribes?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean that old video of me laughing as I explain how I got the charges against that child rapist dropped by blaming the young girl for liking older men and fantasising about them. Even though I knew the guy was guilty?
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean that video of me coughing up a giant green lunger into my drinking glass then drinking it back down?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean that video of me passing out on the curb and losing my shoe?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean when I robbed Bernie Sanders of the Democratic Party Nomination by having the DNC rig the nomination process so that I would win?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “You mean how so many people that oppose me have died in mysterious ways?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “Travel Gate? When seven employees of the White House Travel Office were fired so that friends of Bill and mine could take over the travel business? And when I lied under oath during the investigation by the FBI, the Department of Justice, the White House itself, the General Accounting Office, the House Government Reform and Oversight Committee, and the Whitewater Independent Counsel?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “The scandal where (while I was Secretary of State) the State Department signed off on a deal to sell 20% of the USA’s uranium to a Canadian corporation that the Russians bought, netting a $145 million donation from Russia to the Clinton Foundation and a $500,000 speaking gig for Bill from the Russian Investment Bank that set up the corporate buyout? That scandal?”
 Trump: “No, the other one.”
 Hillary: “That time I lied when I said I was under sniper fire when I got off the plane in Bosnia?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “That time when after I became the First Lady, I improperly requested a bunch of FBI files so I could look for blackmail material on government insiders?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “That time when Bill nominated Zoe Baird as Attorney General, even though we knew she hired illegal immigrants and didn’t pay payroll taxes on them?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “When I got Nigeria exempted from foreign aid transparency guidelines despite evidence of corruption because they gave Bill $700,000 in speaking fees?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “That time in 2009 when Honduran military forces allied with rightist lawmakers ousted democratically elected President Manuel Zelaya, and I as then-Secretary of State sided with the armed forces and fought global pressure to reinstate him?”
 Trump: “No, the other one:”
 Hillary: “I give up! … Oh wait, I think I’ve got it! When I stole the White House furniture and silverware when Bill left Office?”
 Trump: “THAT’S IT, THAT ONE”
 Hillary: “I thought I’d got away with that one, dammit !!!”.
Logged
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30506


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #919 on: March 22, 2019, 01:48:47 PM »
What did Jeffry Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit after she cut off her hubby's dick?

"You gonna eat that?" 

BounceGiggle
Logged
"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30506


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #920 on: March 22, 2019, 01:52:52 PM »
What did the cannibal say to his son hen he caught him eating a salad?
"If your mother could see you now, she'd be rolling in her gravy!"
Logged
"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30506


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #921 on: March 22, 2019, 01:57:54 PM »
Wifey- "When you gonna fix that leaky roof?"
Hubby-" Well, when it's raining I can't, and when the sun's shining, it don't leak!"
Logged
"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
Alex
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1558
Posts: 12653
« Reply #922 on: March 22, 2019, 02:02:06 PM »
If I told people their brain is an app would they start using it?
Logged
But do you understand That none of this will matter Nothing can take your pain away
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30506


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #923 on: March 22, 2019, 02:06:54 PM »
Quote from: Dark Alex on March 22, 2019, 02:02:06 PM
If I told people their brain is an app would they start using it?

I think it would sit unused in the corner of their skulls.
Logged
"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
Alex
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1558
Posts: 12653
« Reply #924 on: March 23, 2019, 03:16:56 AM »
Homophobic parents are right to worry about their kids learning about LGBT relationships and it possibly turning them gay.

After studying history I once spent two years as a Tudor wench.
Logged
But do you understand That none of this will matter Nothing can take your pain away
Svengoolie 3
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: -166
Posts: 5821
« Reply #925 on: March 23, 2019, 06:39:37 AM »
A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a shot of whiskey? "

The bartender says "For you,  no charge. "
Logged
The doctor that circumcised Trump threw away the wrong piece.
AoTFan
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 242
Posts: 1396
« Reply #926 on: March 27, 2019, 07:23:44 PM »

Jokes about vaccinations are like unvaccinated kids.  They'll never get old.
Logged
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30506


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #927 on: March 27, 2019, 07:42:54 PM »
A drunk is sitting at the bar and he says to the bartender-

Drunk: "I'll bet you $50 If you set up 10 shot glasses, I can p**s in them all without getting a drop on the bar!"
Barkeep:" Bulls**t! I'll take that bet!"

So the barkeep sets them up. The drunk stands on the bar, whips out his dick, and p**ses all over the f**king place!

Barkeep (laughing his ass off): "HA!HA heehoo! HA! Gimme my $50!"
Drunk: "Sure-wait until I collect from that guy at the end of the bar who I bet $200 I could p**s all over the bar and make you laugh!"
« Last Edit: March 27, 2019, 07:51:22 PM by RCMerchant » Logged
"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30506


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #928 on: March 27, 2019, 07:54:28 PM »
Quote from: Dark Alex on March 23, 2019, 03:16:56 AM
Homophobic parents are right to worry about their kids learning about LGBT relationships and it possibly turning them gay.

After studying history I once spent two years as a Tudor wench.

After reading Hugo in English class I turned into a hunchback!
Logged
"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
Svengoolie 3
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: -166
Posts: 5821
« Reply #929 on: March 28, 2019, 07:21:32 AM »
Vaccinations don't cause autism,  vaccinations cause adults. 
Logged
The doctor that circumcised Trump threw away the wrong piece.
Pages: 1 ... 60 61 [62] 63 64 ... 87
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.20 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.