The Ten (or More) Commandments of Bad Movies

[The Burgomaster]

Thou shalt . . .

. . . allow microphone shadows . . . and the microphones themselves . . . to be clearly visible.

. . . completely ignore plot holes.

. . . hire amateurs to write and perform the music score.

. . . not waste your time worrying about continuity.

. . . maintain the lowest possible make-up and wardrobe budget.

MORE . . .

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

THOU SHALT-
Make all attractive women fall after no more than 8 steps.
Take a shower just at the time of high danger and suspense
Have as many past-their-prime big name stars as possble for maximum embarassment.

[AndyC]

Thou shalt not waste time and expensive film by reshooting scenes when someone flubs. Just keep going.

Thou shalt put more imagination into thy poster art than into the script itself.

Thou shalt bear false witness to the content of thy movie with titles and artwork similar to those of better films.

Print not whole quotes from respected critics, but rather selected adjectives from obscure publications in thine advertising.

Waste not your creativity upon new and innovative ideas, when proven plots and characters can be used with modification.

Thou shalt covet the films of thy betters, and steal as much as thou canst.

Remember the quick buck, to make it effortlessly.

[SPazzo]

Thou shalt give thy films names that are much more exciting than the films themselves.

Thou shalt use stock musical score, and use it well.

Thou shalt ignore all aspects of physics when making a film.

[Jack]

Thou shalt divert substantial portions of thine production budget to the purchase of alcohol.

Thou shalt not waste money on professional actresses when thou can hire two strippers amateurs who will take their clothes off for the same sum.

Though shalt dress all females in tight tank tops.

Thine tank top attired females shall fall in the water.

Thine water shall dry completely within 10 seconds.

Thou shalt not spend money on computer graphics professionals when thine nephew with a Mac will do it for beer.

[sideorderofninjas]

As Brother Joe Bob Briggs revealed to us "Thou shalt realize that anyone can die at any moment of the movie." 

Thy chainsaw shalt always have enough gas to keep it running. 

[AndyC]

Thou shalt not spend money on futuristic sets when factories exist in abundance.

Honour thy washed up veterans, that thou may have big names for little money.

Thou shalt not create new footage when stock footage is available.

Thou shalt not rate acting talent higher than big t!ts.

Thou shalt not employ any advisor who has studied science above the high school level.

[the ghoul]

Thou shalt not let any of the trivial items above interfere with the enjoyment of a good bad movie.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors good movies.

Thou shalt not have false idols like Tom Cruise or Nicholas Cage.

Thou shalt not take the name of God(zilla) in vain.

Thou shalt not have any false God(zilla)s in thy movie collection.

Honor thy Glen and thy Glenda.

Thou shalt know in thine heart the shocking facts about grave robbers from outer space.

Thou shalt always remember that future events will affect us all, in the future.

Remember The Misfits, and keep them holy.

Thou shalt not not bear false witness to bad remakes disguised as good movies.

[retrorussell]

Thou shalt have thy female victims-to-be do next to nothing to defend themselves.  Simply covering their face with their hands/arms is encouraged.
Thou shalt throw lame red herrings in the audience's way to make them believe one of several people could be the killer, and make the most unbelievable attempt at using logic to explain the identity of the killer and his/her motif.
Thou shalt use POV shots ad nauseum, and often heavy breathing shalt be heard.
Thy law enforcement characters must be completely worthless, allowing the killer to bump up the body count significantly.
Thy film must contain one or more of the following: a b*tch, a slut, a smart, virginal girl (usually the survivor), a jock, a jerk, a nerd and/or a prankster.
Thy film is advised against playing a popular rock song; it's much cheaper to hire a lame studio group/local unknown band or make the score yourself.
Thy must hire many locals to add to the cast, cater food, make special effects, build sets, borrow money, etc.
Looks of boredom, disinterest, or disgust among the cast members that involve their emotions of being in thy film shalt not be edited out.
When a cast member's shirt is soiled/wet, they shall wear a new one in the next scene.
Garage sale fodder or trash will help greatly in the construction of many props in thy film.

[Trevor]

Doeth unto Uwe Boll as thou would liketh Uwe Boll to doeth unto you.

Taketh not the titles Space Mutiny and Nukie in vain: rather taketh a stiff drink and some painkillers.

Thou shalt not force Andrew to watcheth a film with George Kennedy  in it.
 

[JaseSF]

Thou shalt steal ideas from good movies, especially The Road Warrior but do not worry if your results pale in comparison. Just add explosions wherever possible.

Thou shalt have an annoying bumbling comedy relief character who should probably get killed off more oft than not.

Thou shalt ignore barking dogs, honking cars and the rest of normal everyday existence that may wind up on your film. It gives it a "realistic" flavor.

Thou shalt used ping pong eyeball monsters if thine name is Larry Buchanan.

[AndyC]

Thou shalt not produce any science fiction movie not based upon Star Wars, The Terminator or Alien.

Thou shalt dress up everyday animals for thy non-humanoid monsters.

Thou shalt not construct spaceship interiors that would fit inside thy ship.

Thou shalt not film night scenes that look like night.

[Psycho Circus]

Thou shall have many hairy male butt shots

[lester1/2jr]

thou shall not do anything remotely interesting until the 30 minute mark

[Jack]

Thou shalt pad the runtime until thine cup runneth over.

Thou shalt not kill any monster until some variation of "You're terminated f***er" has been uttered.

Thou shalt make all car batteries dead, all monsters bulletproof, and all military personnel SEALS.