OK, I'll admit the last purely Chinese Kung Fu movie I watched was something called THE THREE GOLDEN VAMPIRES or some such that was filmed in the 70's, but I must admit this was one of the most bizarre movies I've ever seeen . . . . here is a VERY bare bones plot synopsis -
(I don't know if you should call what follows a SPOILER or not, since this movie is so strange I don't think anything could actually spoil it. But if you prefer to go in unarmed, you may skip what is below and just rent this very odd movie!)
A vampire queen is leading a group of bandits to plunder and murder a village. From a nearby monastery, two Shaolin students - one male, one female - are dispatched to stop the slaughter. They put the bandits to flight and kill the Queen, but each is wounded with a poisonous weapon. Turns out the girl and guy are lovers, and when their Shaolin master tells them he can save the girl by aborting the fetus, she refuses, insisting on saving the life of their child at the cost of her own. The wise old master warns her that the child will be infected by the poison. Seven months later, the baby is born, and she dies delivering it. Her lover is also at the point of death when a "Pill of Returning Spirit" is brought by a child monk from a nearby monastery. Too late to save the mother, it is used to save the father. The child monk stays and becomes a fellow adept and trains alongside the tainted child of the now-healed Shaolin monk. Fast forward 20 years. The father of the tainted son is now a full fledged leader of their dragon tiger clan, and the long-delayed effects of the poison are catching up with him. He decides to name the now-grown child monk as the next leader of the Clan, instead of his own son, whose poisonous taint has manifested itself as a violent and uncontrollable temper. When the result is made known, his son flees in a tantrum, but returns that night to steal the monastery's treasure, the Sword of the Earth, and a map leading to the Graveyard of Swords where the Sword of the Sky is stored. He also confronts his dying father and kills him off. Whoever holds both of the magic blades becomes leader of the martial arts world. So the surviving adopted son is now leader, which means he has to bury the old master, then climb a tower to a monastery in the sky where he will learn the "Leader's Mantra," which will apparently make him very powerful. When the runaway son finds the sword of the Sky, after braving the Graveyard of Swords in the movie's coolest scene, he conquers all the other clans and turns into a demon, challenging his foster brother and raising an army of Chinese vampires - who all hop up and down like kangaroos with their arms extended out in front of them. There follows a long battle which sees his demonic half trapped first in a ball of ice, then in a huge log, while the students below battle the army of Chinese kangaroo vampires . . . finally, he and his foster brother lock in a death struggle, and the good brother deliberately impales himself on the Sword of the Sky in order to hold his fraternal demon brother in place long enough for a meteorite (which apparently is the soul of the long departed Senior Master) to pulverize them both, and burn all the Chinese kangaroo vampires to ashes. The last two students live happily ever after.
See, I told you it was weird!!!!!
