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Author Topic: Reveiwing Movies that Don't exist  (Read 16213 times)
JaseSF
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« Reply #45 on: May 30, 2010, 12:07:28 PM »

Title:
The Mutants from the Disco

Movie Tagline
Disco's not dead.... You are!


Characters
Tony Barone - A John Travolta knockoff, only with a third nostril.  Killed when a disco ball shatters and a shard lodges in his eyeball.
Eliot Burnsdale - greedy corporate big whig that's illegally dumping toxic waste in a stream that just happens to run by the local disco
Leroy Blaxton - Afro-wearing, super-funky, Bootsy Collins knockoff, and head of the disco mutants. His eyes glow bright gold.
The Mutants - If the Master's favorite satyr had babies. killed by a house cat (i'm not joking)

Plot summary
The year is 1977.  The disco phenomonon is in full swing.  We are taken to the construction of a new disco dance ballroom, where nearby is a polluted stream.  A dump truck drops garbage, broken bottles, and small canisters of some unknown, glowing green material into it....

Flash forward twenty five years.  The disco has been boarded up, but a ruthless real estate developer wants to buy the property to turn it into a Coffeebux.  He sends his top saleswoman to check out the dilapated property.  As she enters the musty old dancehall, she sees a strange glow coming from behind a closed door.  She begins to sweat as she reaches a hand to the knob... 

Suddenly, a cat springs out of the shadows and startles her momentarily. Realizing what it was, she regains her composure and gives an embarrassed chuckle.....

Things I Learned From This Movie
Disco Balls are full of toxic waste
Platform shoes make great boomerangs.
As long as mutants still exist, disco will live on.


Stuff to Watch for
Opening credits - A surprisingly good synchronized disco dance sequence.
6 minutes - There's a song called "Disco Chihuahua"?  What WILL they think of next!
25 minutes - Wow. I didn't think it was possible to do that with a disco ball, but there you have it.

Quotes
"You're gonna like the V.I.P. room. You're not gonna want to leave."
"Disco's dead ma....argghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"That Disco ball... It was filled with some type of radioactive goop!"
Logged

"This above all: To thine own self be true!"



R.I.P. Geoffrey William Stirling
AndyC
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« Reply #46 on: May 30, 2010, 06:27:57 PM »

Title:
The Mutants from the Disco

Movie Tagline
Disco's not dead.... You are!


Characters
Tony Barone - A John Travolta knockoff, only with a third nostril.  Killed when a disco ball shatters and a shard lodges in his eyeball.
Eliot Burnsdale - greedy corporate big whig that's illegally dumping toxic waste in a stream that just happens to run by the local disco
Leroy Blaxton - Afro-wearing, super-funky, Bootsy Collins knockoff, and head of the disco mutants. His eyes glow bright gold.
The Mutants - If the Master's favorite satyr had babies. killed by a house cat (i'm not joking)

Plot summary
The year is 1977.  The disco phenomonon is in full swing.  We are taken to the construction of a new disco dance ballroom, where nearby is a polluted stream.  A dump truck drops garbage, broken bottles, and small canisters of some unknown, glowing green material into it....

Flash forward twenty five years.  The disco has been boarded up, but a ruthless real estate developer wants to buy the property to turn it into a Coffeebux.  He sends his top saleswoman to check out the dilapated property.  As she enters the musty old dancehall, she sees a strange glow coming from behind a closed door.  She begins to sweat as she reaches a hand to the knob...

Suddenly, a cat springs out of the shadows and startles her momentarily. Realizing what it was, she regains her composure and gives an embarrassed chuckle.....

Things I Learned From This Movie
Disco Balls are full of toxic waste
Platform shoes make great boomerangs.
As long as mutants still exist, disco will live on.


Stuff to Watch for
Opening credits - A surprisingly good synchronized disco dance sequence.
6 minutes - There's a song called "Disco Chihuahua"?  What WILL they think of next!
25 minutes - Wow. I didn't think it was possible to do that with a disco ball, but there you have it.
40 minutes - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST RICK DEES

Quotes
"You're gonna like the V.I.P. room. You're not gonna want to leave."
"Disco's dead ma....argghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"That Disco ball... It was filled with some type of radioactive goop!"
Logged

---------------------
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« Reply #47 on: May 30, 2010, 07:19:48 PM »

Title:
The Mutants from the Disco

Movie Tagline
Disco's not dead.... You are!


Characters
Tony Barone - A John Travolta knockoff, only with a third nostril.  Killed when a disco ball shatters and a shard lodges in his eyeball.
Eliot Burnsdale - greedy corporate big whig that's illegally dumping toxic waste in a stream that just happens to run by the local disco
Leroy Blaxton - Afro-wearing, super-funky, Bootsy Collins knockoff, and head of the disco mutants. His eyes glow bright gold.
The Mutants - If the Master's favorite satyr had babies. killed by a house cat (i'm not joking)

Plot summary
The year is 1977.  The disco phenomonon is in full swing.  We are taken to the construction of a new disco dance ballroom, where nearby is a polluted stream.  A dump truck drops garbage, broken bottles, and small canisters of some unknown, glowing green material into it....

Flash forward twenty five years.  The disco has been boarded up, but a ruthless real estate developer wants to buy the property to turn it into a Coffeebux.  He sends his top saleswoman to check out the dilapated property.  As she enters the musty old dancehall, she sees a strange glow coming from behind a closed door.  She begins to sweat as she reaches a hand to the knob...

Suddenly, a cat springs out of the shadows and startles her momentarily. Realizing what it was, she regains her composure and gives an embarrassed chuckle...  Only to be shocked when a mutant wearing three platform shoes (one for each foot) jumps out and rips her head off!  Now, we get thirty minutes of idiots going back to the disco to see what happened to the last investigator and getting their heads ripped off by Saturday Night Fever rejects to the toe-tapping tunes of the Heebee Jees (a horror/disco Bee Gees tribute band), until finally...

Things I Learned From This Movie
Disco Balls are full of toxic waste
Platform shoes make great boomerangs.
As long as mutants still exist, disco will live on.


Stuff to Watch for
Opening credits - A surprisingly good synchronized disco dance sequence.
6 minutes - There's a song called "Disco Chihuahua"?  What WILL they think of next!
25 minutes - Wow. I didn't think it was possible to do that with a disco ball, but there you have it.
40 minutes - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST RICK DEES

Quotes
"You're gonna like the V.I.P. room. You're not gonna want to leave."
"Disco's dead ma....argghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"That Disco ball... It was filled with some type of radioactive goop!"
Logged

"The best parts are watching Sly go through the full range of emotions: deadpan, deadpan with raised eyebrow, deadpan with quivering lip. There's also a great sequence where Sly drives his VW Beetle down the interstate for about 20 minutes, staring dramatically through the windshield.."-Joe Bob on A MAN CALLED RAMBO
El Misfit
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Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #48 on: May 30, 2010, 09:10:21 PM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
           
Characters:
         
           
           
Plot Summary:
         
         
         

Things I learned from this Movie:
               
                   
                     




Stuff to Watch For:
                           
                         
                         
                         


Notable Quotes
                     


Logged

yeah no.
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« Reply #49 on: May 30, 2010, 09:19:57 PM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
From outer space comes, the next big blobish beast!

Characters:
         
           
           

Plot Summary:
         
         
         

Things I learned from this Movie:
               
                   
                     




Stuff to Watch For:
                           
                         
                         
                         


Notable Quotes
                     



Logged

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« Reply #50 on: May 30, 2010, 09:33:09 PM »

I didn't quite finish off the last one. 
Logged

"The best parts are watching Sly go through the full range of emotions: deadpan, deadpan with raised eyebrow, deadpan with quivering lip. There's also a great sequence where Sly drives his VW Beetle down the interstate for about 20 minutes, staring dramatically through the windshield.."-Joe Bob on A MAN CALLED RAMBO
El Misfit
The bullsh*t meter is up high ಠ__ಠ
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 737
Posts: 10608


Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #51 on: May 30, 2010, 09:38:04 PM »

opps, sorry, I didn't see the .... at the end of the plot summary  Smile
Logged

yeah no.
retrorussell
Retro
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Posts: 7510


BROTHA NOOMSIE!!!


« Reply #52 on: May 31, 2010, 10:28:20 PM »

Title:
The Mutants from the Disco

Movie Tagline
Disco's not dead.... You are!


Characters
Tony Barone - A John Travolta knockoff, only with a third nostril.  Killed when a disco ball shatters and a shard lodges in his eyeball.
Eliot Burnsdale - greedy corporate big whig that's illegally dumping toxic waste in a stream that just happens to run by the local disco
Leroy Blaxton - Afro-wearing, super-funky, Bootsy Collins knockoff, and head of the disco mutants. His eyes glow bright gold.
The Mutants - If the Master's favorite satyr had babies. killed by a house cat (i'm not joking)

Plot summary
The year is 1977.  The disco phenomonon is in full swing.  We are taken to the construction of a new disco dance ballroom, where nearby is a polluted stream.  A dump truck drops garbage, broken bottles, and small canisters of some unknown, glowing green material into it....

Flash forward twenty five years.  The disco has been boarded up, but a ruthless real estate developer wants to buy the property to turn it into a Coffeebux.  He sends his top saleswoman to check out the dilapated property.  As she enters the musty old dancehall, she sees a strange glow coming from behind a closed door.  She begins to sweat as she reaches a hand to the knob...

Suddenly, a cat springs out of the shadows and startles her momentarily. Realizing what it was, she regains her composure and gives an embarrassed chuckle...  Only to be shocked when a mutant wearing three platform shoes (one for each foot) jumps out and rips her head off!  Now, we get thirty minutes of idiots going back to the disco to see what happened to the last investigator and getting their heads ripped off by Saturday Night Fever rejects to the toe-tapping tunes of the Heebee Jees (a horror/disco Bee Gees tribute band), until finally...

Olivia Newton-John arrives from the sky (as the muse Kira from Xanadu) and frightens off the mutant Saturday Night Fever rejects with her colored, glowing aura.  They appear to have made their escape from her by hiding in Jeff Lyne's hair, but when she opens her mouth and sings "Physical", their eardrums explode, followed shortly by their heads.  The world is saved from the mutants (but not from the terrible song) and the film ends.

Things I Learned From This Movie
Disco Balls are full of toxic waste
Platform shoes make great boomerangs.
As long as mutants still exist, disco will live on.


Stuff to Watch for
Opening credits - A surprisingly good synchronized disco dance sequence.
6 minutes - There's a song called "Disco Chihuahua"?  What WILL they think of next!
25 minutes - Wow. I didn't think it was possible to do that with a disco ball, but there you have it.
40 minutes - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST RICK DEES

Quotes
"You're gonna like the V.I.P. room. You're not gonna want to leave."
"Disco's dead ma....argghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"That Disco ball... It was filled with some type of radioactive goop!"
Logged

HBO in space!<br />
El Misfit
The bullsh*t meter is up high ಠ__ಠ
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 737
Posts: 10608


Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #53 on: June 01, 2010, 07:36:19 AM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
From outer space comes, the next big blobish beast!

Characters:
         
           
           

Plot Summary:
         
         
         

Things I learned from this Movie:
               
                   
                     



Stuff to Watch For:
                           
                         
                         
                         

Notable Quotes
"My God, It's Like Reptilicus's acidic muucs and the blob combined!"
Logged

yeah no.
Flick James
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 487
Posts: 4645


Honorary Bastard of Arts


« Reply #54 on: June 01, 2010, 10:11:16 AM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
From outer space comes, the next big blobish beast!

Characters:
Chet Hickory - stereotypical b-movie small town sheriff who first tries to deal with the advancing glob before the National Guard takes over. Played horribly by an actor with a fake country accent and who has clearly never handled a firearm in his life.   
           
           

Plot Summary:
         
         
         

Things I learned from this Movie:
               
                   
                     



Stuff to Watch For:
                           
                         
                         
                         

Notable Quotes
"My God, It's Like Reptilicus's acidic muucs and the blob combined!"
Logged

I don't always talk about bad movies, but when I do, I prefer badmovies.org
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 1405
Posts: 8236


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #55 on: June 01, 2010, 10:42:26 AM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
From outer space comes, the next big blobish beast!

Characters:
Chet Hickory - stereotypical b-movie small town sheriff who first tries to deal with the advancing glob before the National Guard takes over. Played horribly by an actor with a fake country accent and who has clearly never handled a firearm in his life.   
"Boogers" McGee - the lovable town drunk and veteran nose picker, greeted by the bartender with the catchphrase: "What'll it be, McGee?"  Eaten by a giant booger.
           
           

Plot Summary:
         
         
         

Things I learned from this Movie:
               
                   
                     



Stuff to Watch For:
                           
                         
                         
                         

Notable Quotes
"My God, It's Like Reptilicus's acidic muucs and the blob combined!"
Logged

"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
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Posts: 11161



« Reply #56 on: June 01, 2010, 11:01:16 AM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
From outer space comes, the next big blobish beast!

Characters:
Chet Hickory - stereotypical b-movie small town sheriff who first tries to deal with the advancing glob before the National Guard takes over. Played horribly by an actor with a fake country accent and who has clearly never handled a firearm in his life.   
"Boogers" McGee - the lovable town drunk and veteran nose picker, greeted by the bartender with the catchphrase: "What'll it be, McGee?"  Eaten by a giant booger.
           
           

Plot Summary:
         
         
         

Things I learned from this Movie:
               
                   
                     



Stuff to Watch For:
10 minutes - That's the Glob from Neptune? Looks more like a glob from Uranus.
                           
                         
                         
                         

Notable Quotes
"My God, It's Like Reptilicus's acidic muucs and the blob combined!"
Logged

---------------------
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« Reply #57 on: June 01, 2010, 11:55:23 AM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
From outer space comes, the next big blobish beast!

Characters:
Chet Hickory - stereotypical b-movie small town sheriff who first tries to deal with the advancing glob before the National Guard takes over. Played horribly by an actor with a fake country accent and who has clearly never handled a firearm in his life.   
"Boogers" McGee - the lovable town drunk and veteran nose picker, greeted by the bartender with the catchphrase: "What'll it be, McGee?"  Eaten by a giant booger.
           
           

Plot Summary:
         
         
         

Things I learned from this Movie:
Allergy medicines are the only hope for Earth when it comes to intergalatic warfare.      
                   
                     



Stuff to Watch For:
10 minutes - That's the Glob from Neptune? Looks more like a glob from Uranus.
                           
                         
                         
                         

Notable Quotes
"My God, It's Like Reptilicus's acidic muucs and the blob combined!"
Logged

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Flick James
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Posts: 4645


Honorary Bastard of Arts


« Reply #58 on: June 01, 2010, 12:59:15 PM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
From outer space comes, the next big blobish beast!

Characters:
Chet Hickory - stereotypical b-movie small town sheriff who first tries to deal with the advancing glob before the National Guard takes over. Played horribly by an actor with a fake country accent and who has clearly never handled a firearm in his life.   
"Boogers" McGee - the lovable town drunk and veteran nose picker, greeted by the bartender with the catchphrase: "What'll it be, McGee?"  Eaten by a giant booger.
Ralphie Finkleman - local allergy-plagued college nerd. He is the first to discover that his allergy medicine works as a repellent against the glob. At first nobody takes him seriously.
           
           

Plot Summary:
         
         
         

Things I learned from this Movie:
Allergy medicines are the only hope for Earth when it comes to intergalatic warfare.     
                   
                     



Stuff to Watch For:
10 minutes - That's the Glob from Neptune? Looks more like a glob from Uranus.
                           
                         
                         
                         

Notable Quotes
"My God, It's Like Reptilicus's acidic muucs and the blob combined!"
Logged

I don't always talk about bad movies, but when I do, I prefer badmovies.org
JaseSF
Super Space Age Freaky Geek
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 638
Posts: 12860


Soon, your brain will turn to jelly.


« Reply #59 on: June 01, 2010, 02:28:59 PM »

Title:
The Glob of Neptune

Movie Tagline:
From outer space comes, the next big blobish beast!

Characters:
Chet Hickory - stereotypical b-movie small town sheriff who first tries to deal with the advancing glob before the National Guard takes over. Played horribly by an actor with a fake country accent and who has clearly never handled a firearm in his life.  
"Boogers" McGee - the lovable town drunk and veteran nose picker, greeted by the bartender with the catchphrase: "What'll it be, McGee?"  Eaten by a giant booger.
Ralphie Finkleman - local allergy-plagued college nerd. He is the first to discover that his allergy medicine works as a repellent against the glob. At first nobody takes him seriously.
"Spuds" Malarky - tobacco chewing farmhand cretin with a secret shack full of porn. Eaten by the Glob, shack and all, in the midst of attempting to... gag... pleasure himself.
          
          

Plot Summary:
        
        
        

Things I learned from this Movie:
Allergy medicines are the only hope for Earth when it comes to intergalatic warfare.      
                  
                    



Stuff to Watch For:
10 minutes - That's the Glob from Neptune? Looks more like a glob from Uranus.
                          
                        
                        
                        

Notable Quotes
"My God, It's Like Reptilicus's acidic muucs and the blob combined!"
Logged

"This above all: To thine own self be true!"



R.I.P. Geoffrey William Stirling
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