Flirty girls in the car next to me

[BTM]

Hey guys, this is a bit rambling and angsty, so if any of that would bug ya, then skip this post.  I basically recount something that happened last night and the various thoughts I had about the decisions I made.


So, I'm on my way to work (for the uninitiated, I work overnights at a hotel), when I stopped at a red light.  A red car pulled up next to me music blaring away and inside are several young (college age, I hope) girls.  We both had our windows down and they were talking and giggling away as young girls are prone to do.  I looked over, smiled, and gave a short waving saying, "Hi girls!"  Some of them waved back and, as they were driving away, one of them blew me a kiss.

As they drove away, I changed lanes, getting behind their car.  I wasn't following them on purpose, I was, at this point, just heading in the same direction.  Then they make a left turn and so did I (again same direction).  I pulled into a Taco Bell and they went to the Sonic right next to it.

So, now I'm thinking, "Huh, what should I do?"  I was seriously debating whether or not I should drive over and try to have a conversation with these ladies, or just keep driving.  I guess for most normal guys this would be a no brainer of a decision, but whatever normal is, I think I'm probably far from it.  

I know this is going to sound all negative and low self-esteemy (which, admittedly, I have a problem with) but the raw fact is I'm not exactly GQ cover material.  Women's gazes do not follow me as I walk by, and, while most guys would take the whole "blowing a kiss" thing as fun flirtation, experience has taught me that often when women do this to me they're usually either just a) being silly or b) being cruel.  Again, yes, I've got self-esteem issues, but this is NOT the first time some girl has done something flirtatious when I knew for a fact she didn't give a damn about me.  (Cause, you know, it's not like I'm a human being who has feelings or anything.)

Plus, I don't know, I was wondering if maybe me going over there might come off a little stalkerish.. .you know, "Hey, I saw you on the road and thought I'd stop and talk to you..."  I'm told I can be quite intimidating to some with my height and all, even when I don't mean to be.  Honest to God, if I had glanced over, said, "Hi", they had said, "Hi" back and that was it, I wouldn't even be thinking of this, I'd have just gone about way, but, I got a KISS blown to me, that's gotta mean something, right?  

(Important lesson ladies, be careful who blow kisses to.)

In the end, I thought it over a bit, and decided that I should probably just go ahead and go to work.  I didn't have to be in technically for another ten minutes or so, but I usually show up early anyway so they can give me shift notes and whatnot.  Though not sure if I made the right choice...

I don't know... someone once told me people seldom make any kind of lasting connection with a person they might in a... not sure how to put this... "one time" encounter.  Like you know, bump into someone at the supermarket, chatting in line, working out at the gym, etc.  That most people who make lasting friends and relationships are from people they've meet in situations were they have regular contact with the person like work, church, and so forth, so I doubt anything could have from it even if I did go over and make an attempt at conversation.  

Anyway, just wanted to ramble a bit, and see what maybe some of you think.  

[dean]

I'd say you made the right choice.  I know its an especially difficult thought to have bouncing around your head when self esteem is low, or if you're feeling lonely, but it's usually best to save it as a nice memory you can look back on and move on: I doubt they certainly expected it to go any further; I've done all sorts of silly things whilst driving around in a car in my youth and I never expected anything to go any further, just being in a good mood sometimes you gotta share the love right?

I used to be incredibly shy and what-have-you but eventually if you put enough faith in yourself, relax a little, and put yourself in enough social situations you get used to reading these sort of cues.  I certainly have come a long way [clueless dolt that I was] and I definitely don't know all yet, but it gets easier eventually.   

[The Burgomaster]

This story is from 1984, soon after my friends and I reached legal drinking age (which was 20 back then).

We had just purchased a case of beer at a local liquor store and were driving around drinking it (yeah . . . in the 80s drinking and driving wasn't as much of a big deal as it is now . . . most of the time if you got caught the police just made you pour out your beers).  Anyway, we stopped at a red light and a car full of girls pulled up beside us.  They were all saying, "Let us have some beer," and "Aren't you gonna share?"  and stuff like that.  We just smiled and kept drinking and teasing them.  Then the light turned green and we drove away.  After a couple of minutes, my buddy said, "We just blew it, didn't we."  And we all got silent and somber thinking about what might have happened if we had shared our beers . . .

[wickednick]

Honestly you probably shoulda gone over there and talk to them. I'm not going to rag on you for leaving ( I probably woulda done the same thing) but wouldn't have hurt to try and talk to them, the worst thing they could do is call you lame and drive away, so what we all have been rejected before. The way to think of situations like this is to get in the mode that you want to annoy someone and no matter what happens as long as you go over and do that part then you have succeeded. To hell if they laugh at you and make fun of you, women like that deserve to be annoyed by nerdy guys like us and some times those girls take the bate and next thing you know you have a cute blonde coed on your arm. Believe me it happens.

[Andrew]

If you didn't feel comfortable going over to talk to them, then you did the right thing by not doing that. 

[retrorussell]

You did the right thing.  Kids at that age are still pretty cruel, and were probably just screwing with you mentally.  Not trying to shoot you down by any means, that's just my experience talking.

[Newt]

I was wondering if maybe me going over there might come off a little stalkerish.. .you know, "Hey, I saw you on the road and thought I'd stop and talk to you..."  I'm told I can be quite intimidating to some with my height and all, even when I don't mean to be.  

Coming from a female perspective: yes, there's a very real chance it might have come off 'stalkerish'.  Especially if you had 'followed' them to where they stopped.  Would have scared me.

Honest to God, if I had glanced over, said, "Hi", they had said, "Hi" back and that was it, I wouldn't even be thinking of this, I'd have just gone about why, but, I got a KISS blown to me, that's gotta mean something, right?  

(Important lesson ladies, be careful who blow kisses to.)

Good point.  We (all of us - male and female) tend to forget that our actions may be received as being different than what we intended.  And this sort of 'toss off' action is often offered up without any thought or intent or meaning or cause other than joyful exuberance.  Being 'daring' by blowing a kiss at 'some guy' anonymously. It was almost certainly not aimed at you personally BTM - how could it be?  It was quite likely a more 'generic' action.   People feel 'safe' in their cars - cars as an environment function as an extension of our homes - and people often do things they would not have done if they had been, say, standing next to you in a line at the grocery store.

Now, if she had blown the kiss and made a point of maintaining eye contact or catching your eye afterward, or obviously looked for you again...that might be different.   Maybe.  

(As for some of the other responses: it seems sad to me that some of you are so quick to conclude the girl(s) meant to be mean or cruel.  That also is taking it far too personally and reading far too much into it IMO.)

[BTM]

(Keep in mind, I've not read ANY of the responses yet.)

You know, the more I've been thinking about it, I think I made a mistake that night.  I should have gone over there and at least tried to talk for a bit.  I had some time, it would have been a short conversation, but hey, it would have been something.  Granted the girl might have just been mocking me, but maybe not.  I keep forgetting the old adage how one should usually ASSUME the most positive belief until the evidence says otherwise.  Like you know, when you say, "Hi."  To someone and they don't reply, but you're not 100 percent sure they heard you, so you should just assume they didn't until you learn that yes, indeed, they were just ignoring you.

It's just hard to do that sometimes, with all the past negative experiences and all, but it's one of many things I'm working on.  

So, yeah, could have been a short awkward moment, in which I'd quickly learn, "Oh, gosh, they're not really wanting to talk to me..." in which case, I'd walk off, probably feel a bit bummed, but you know, at least I tried.  Or maybe it would have been a short, nice conversation, ending with me smiling, wishing the girls a good night, and leaving feeling good that I took a chance.  Or hell, miracle of miracles, maybe I would gotten a phone number or an email of out the deal (I think that one might be a bit too optimistic, but hey...)

I don't know, but again, I think I should have tried anyway.  Ah, live and learn I guess!  :)

[BTM]

This story is from 1984, soon after my friends and I reached legal drinking age (which was 20 back then).

We had just purchased a case of beer at a local liquor store and were driving around drinking it (yeah . . . in the 80s drinking and driving wasn't as much of a big deal as it is now . . . most of the time if you got caught the police just made you pour out your beers).  Anyway, we stopped at a red light and a car full of girls pulled up beside us.  They were all saying, "Let us have some beer," and "Aren't you gonna share?"  and stuff like that.  We just smiled and kept drinking and teasing them.  Then the light turned green and we drove away.  After a couple of minutes, my buddy said, "We just blew it, didn't we."  And we all got silent and somber thinking about what might have happened if we had shared our beers . . .

Hmm.. well, in that case though, you had something to bargain with.  I mean, you could have been like, "Well, what will you give us if we give ya beers?"  Then after some back and forths, you could have offered to "sit down somewhere and talk about it."

Yeah, that's a bit shallow, but no more than girls asking total strangers for free drinks.

[Rev. Powell]

(Keep in mind, I've not read ANY of the responses yet.)

You know, the more I've been thinking about it, I think I made a mistake that night.  I should have gone over there and at least tried to talk for a bit.  I had some time, it would have been a short conversation, but hey, it would have been something.  Granted the girl might have just been mocking me, but maybe not.  I keep forgetting the old adage how one should usually ASSUME the most positive belief until the evidence says otherwise.  Like you know, when you say, "Hi."  To someone and they don't reply, but you're not 100 percent sure they heard you, so you should just assume they didn't until you learn that yes, indeed, they were just ignoring you.

It's just hard to do that sometimes, with all the past negative experiences and all, but it's one of many things I'm working on. 

So, yeah, could have been a short awkward, in which I'd quickly, "Oh, gosh, they're not really wanting to me..." in which case, I'd walk off, probably feel a bit bummed, but you know, at least I tried.  Or maybe it would have been a short, nice conversation, ending with me smiling, wishing the girls a good night, and leaving feeling good that I took a chance.  Or hell, miracle of miracles, maybe I would gotten a phone number or an email of out the deal (I think that one might be a bit too optimistic, but hey...)

I don't know, but again, I think I should have tried anyway.  Ah, live and learn I guess!  :)

I don't think it matters much, BTM.  The chances that you would have met the love of your life, or even an enjoyable short fling, from that sort of random encounter are pretty darn low.  Probably the only thing you missed out on was a mildly interesting anecdote. There are better ways to meet women.

[Ash]

Most women see confidence as one of the number one traits in a potential partner.
Going over there and talking to them could have led to two different outcomes...

1.) They thought you were a stalker type and it creeped them out.
2.) They admired your confidence and maybe you could get a phone number out of the encounter.

You have to have confidence when approaching women.  They can sense a lack of self confidence a mile away.
Rejection is always a possibility but you'll have to learn on your own how to deal with it.  I wouldn't take rejection personally.  Believe me, I've been shot down many times.
But who knows?  Maybe that one women you think you don't have a shot with will actually like you.

Askmen.com has a ton of really good articles that may help you.
Here's a couple...

http://www.askmen.com/money/keywords/confidence.html

http://www.askmen.com/grooming/project/top-10-ways-to-show-confidence-with-body-language.html

[ulthar]

I don't think it matters much, BTM.  The chances that you would have met the love of your life, or even an enjoyable short fling, from that sort of random encounter are pretty darn low.  Probably the only thing you missed out on was a mildly interesting anecdote. There are better ways to meet women.

On the other hand, ya just never know.  After all, I met my wife when she opened a door for me while I was carrying an armload of stuff into an office area.  A little different, I know, but, well, chance encounters ARE fun and memorable.

I think the "trick," if there is one, is to not become invested in the encounter (phone numbers, emails, love-of-your life, etc, or even ANYTHING), and just view as living in the moment.  If you don't "want" anything out of it, you won't be disappointed.  If you are not "fearing" disappointment, you are more relaxed and give off more positive "vibes" and body language.

I do agree, however, that the chances are VERY high that had you gone over there, they would have either (a) dismissed you out of hand, (b) laughed at you, (c) been a bit scared that you 'showed up,' etc.  But again, that's outcome based decision making, which is nearly ALWAYS doomed to failure or at least paralysis.

Life's too short to worry so much and second guess yourself (you cannot change the past, etc), but I do all that too.  Anyway, I'll leave you with one of my favorite Mark Twain quotes:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

[BTM]

I don't think it matters much, BTM.  The chances that you would have met the love of your life, or even an enjoyable short fling, from that sort of random encounter are pretty darn low.  Probably the only thing you missed out on was a mildly interesting anecdote. There are better ways to meet women.

Yeah, I know, but my options are bit a limited in that department right now.  Working nights, it's hard to establish anything resembling a social life, plus in this area if you're not into bars and/or church going, there's not a heck of a lot to do around here.   

[BTM]

Most women see confidence as one of the number one traits in a potential partner.

I know, but that's the paradox, how does one GET confidence when you've been constantly kicked to the side (metaphorically) most of your live?  Like someone else said confidence is one of those things you need the most when it's going to be in short supply.

[Rev. Powell]

Most women see confidence as one of the number one traits in a potential partner.

I know, but that's the paradox, how does one GET confidence when you've been constantly kicked to the side (metaphorically) most of your live?  Like someone else said confidence is one of those things you need the most when it's going to be in short supply.

If you can't appear confident, you might try acting like a jerk.  Women often mistake this for confidence.