My parents are divorcing. (Was: "Gee, Thanks Mom...")

[BTM]

I have to rant here a bit, and since a lot of you guys I consider online friends, I thought I'd post this here.  Hope no one minds.

So, I'm on Facebook at work (hey, it's slow), checking up on something when my mom comes on and says, "Mike, is that you?"  And I'm go, "Yeah, that's me, what are you doing up so late?"  (It's about 1am right now).  She says, "Would like to see you tomorrow if you are free."

Then she says she can't sleep.  I reply that I could stop by later after work, around 8 or so.  I'm feeling a bit apprehensive, cause she doesn't normally call or msg me out of the blue saying, "Hey, can you come over?"  I mean, she'll call on occasion to say they have a movie I might be interested in, or about a get together but this has my caution bells going off, especially after she tells me she can't sleep.  (Mom's usually a "in bed by ten" person.)

"Something going on?" I ask.  

She replies, "Have news to you. NOT good!!"  Then she asks when I can come over.  I repeat I could be there right after work, if that's not too early.  She says that's fine and she'll probably be up all night.

Then she says, "See you tomorrow." and then logs off.

Great mom, thanks!  Now I'm gonna be wondering all freaking what the hell you're going to tell me.  

What can't help but wonder is why did she even BOTHER to msg me if she's just going to leave some vague message about "Having bad news to tell you."  Now all I can do is speculate whatever terrible scenario is going on as I wait for work to end.

This kind of p**ses me off, to tell you the truth.  I have no freaking clue what she's going to tell me, could be anything, but I'm thinking something major, "Your dad is dead/dying", or "We're getting a divorce" or "Something happen to someone" (God forbid, hope none of the nieces and nephews are hurt.)

(sighs heavily)

Anyway, I'll keep you guys posted.

[dean]

Ah my mum does this to me all the time, and its usually nothing major, so hopefully this will be too.

I wouldn't be too annoyed until you find out what it is.  If it ends up being 'my favourite sweater is ruined' then sure get annoyed, but really, if its something serious then she'd want to tell you in person, but struggled to contain it all since she wants to talk to you.  I wouldn't get upset with her over that, it's only human; not everyone can hold back their emotions when they're upset.

Anyways I hope it's nothing too serious.  Good luck!

[Sleepyskull]

I wouldn't be too annoyed until you find out what it is.  If it ends up being 'my favourite sweater is ruined' then sure get annoyed, but really, if its something serious then she'd want to tell you in person, but struggled to contain it all since she wants to talk to you.  I wouldn't get upset with her over that, it's only human; not everyone can hold back their emotions when they're upset.

Anyways I hope it's nothing too serious.  Good luck!

I second these thoughts.

[Paquita]

That is pretty annoying.. now I'm worried too!

[Sleepyskull]

I just wanted to add that yeah it can definitely be annoying, but if she is really upset, maybe she is not thinking clearly. Not a criticism of you BTM, just something to keep in mind. Whatever the case, I hope everything turns out okay! 

[BTM]

Well, now it's time for another installment of "Mike feels like a douche bag!"  

After work, I went over to my parents' house, it's obvious mom's been crying and she says my stepdad come without his ring on and tells her he wants a divorce.  

I didn't know what to say.  I have to admit, this had been one of the "maybe" scenarios" that had crossed through my mind, but, you know, you never quite ready to hear something like that.  I mean, they've been married for twenty-six year.  TWENTY-SIX.

I just hugged my mom and let her cry a bit, neither of which she does in front of me very often  We talked for awhile, well, mainly she talked and I listened.  During our conversations my sister in law (bro's wife) called.  Then my sister called.  After a bit I left, telling her to call me if she needed anything.  

Not sure what to think about it.  Guess I'm still a bit emotionally numb cause I'm just feeling kind of blank right now.  At least I was, right now I've got a bit of a headache and my stomach hurts, but I don't know if that's cause of my emotions or just the fact I think I ate too much.  

So... yeah.  Not sure what will happen now.  My stepdad seems to have made up his mind.  Mom isn't sure but she thinks another women is involved.  I think they're going to try and sell the house, but in this market, God only knows how well that will work out.  Mom's saying she doesn't want to spend anymore time in that place than she has to, and I can't say I blame her.

 

[dean]

I'm sorry buddy... 

Don't feel like a douche bag; every action you did for your mother was the act of a caring son.  I think that more than makes up for you being a little irritated earlier when you didn't know what was up.

[Paquita]

Aw, that's sad!  I'm sorry.  I hope everything turns out OK for her.  You're not a douche either!

[macabre]

hi
Sorry to hear your news, i only hope that my children show as much concern for me when i am older, you are a very loving son, with you in her corner your mom will come away from this a strong lady.

[BTM]

I'm sorry buddy...  

Don't feel like a douche bag; every action you did for your mother was the act of a caring son.  I think that more than makes up for you being a little irritated earlier when you didn't know what was up.

I wish I had done a bit more, but... I don't know.  It's really awkward being around my mom when she's sad.  Like I said, she's never been one to express that emotion in front of others (at least, not us kids.)  That or affection, so we all kind of grew being these emotionally distant people.  So, now when a situation comes up that would call for me to do stuff like hug her, tell her encouraging things, remind her I love her and stuff, it's like... it's hard to do because it's not stuff we usually say, so there's there distance between us and, frankly, I don't know how to cross it.  

All these times I've had growing up that I wish she'd been more emotionally available to me when I was having trouble, or hell, just in general (probably can count on two hands the number of times I remember being hugged as a child), and now...

(shrugs)

[Cthulhu]

I'm sorry to hear that...I hope things will turn out for the best.

[Paquita]

Sometimes it takes situations like these to bring emotions out in people.  It's never too late to change.  I'm sure you just being there for her is a huge help!

[Menard]

Hey douche bag.


Let me take just a moment to pause in case any forum members got confused, thinking I was speaking to them.

...pause...pause...pause


Well, if you're a douche bag, then let's put down a definition of a douche bag.

douche bag - (noun, origin: most likely vaginal) Someone with an introspective nature, known to examine, sometimes, overly, their actions and thoughts on and in different situations, and be able to communicate that with others.


I've never really known that to be the definition of a douche bag, but if you insist that you are one, then I guess it must mean that.


I come from not a dissimilar family unit where expressions of love and openly affectionate acts such as hugging were not the norm. As a matter of fact, I can only recall telling my father, outside of just saying the words as a child like a parrot, that I loved him; that was the day he died.

I don't know if your mother was a listener like mine. I can identify the side of her face more than I can ever her eyes as that's all we got as kids when trying to talk to her was talking into the side of her head while she blankly stared into the wall.

Don't consider yourself void of feelings, emotions, whatever you want to call it; you're not. People from environments which lack being openly affectionate with feelings don't lack the feelings just the expression, so they find other outlets for those feeling; for example telling their friends on a forum how much they think of their mother and how much they wish they could do more.

Those words may not come out as "I love you", but they come out, and the feeling behind them is the same; perhaps even more, because it's not just words you're used to saying, but something you really want to say.

Then again, they might just be words, and we might not really know the meaning of them when we say them, but we do mean them; at least we learn we do. Saying it once in a while whether you think there is a world of meaning behind them, or they are just words, will mean something to you; at least you won't be writing on a forum to some young person you don't know about the only time you told a parent that you loved them.

[Allhallowsday]

Hey douche bag.
Let me take just a moment to pause in case any forum members got confused, thinking I was speaking to them.
...pause...pause...pause
Well, if you're a douche bag, then let's put down a definition of a douche bag.
douche bag - (noun, origin: most likely vaginal) Someone with an introspective nature, known to examine, sometimes, overly, their actions and thoughts on and in different situations, and be able to communicate that with others.

  If I weren't a devotee, I'd be really annoyed.  That was a long, oh-ffensive an' revoltin' setup... ( )  
Menaa-ahrd is swee-eet! Menaa-ahrd is swee-eet!  

I've never really known that to be the definition of a douche bag, but if you insist that you are one, then I guess it must mean that.

I come from not a dissimilar family unit where expressions of love and openly affectionate acts such as hugging were not the norm. As a matter of fact, I can only recall telling my father, outside of just saying the words as a child like a parrot, that I loved him; that was the day he died.
I don't know if your mother was a listener like mine. I can identify the side of her face more than I can ever her eyes as that's all we got as kids when trying to talk to her was talking into the side of her head while she blankly stared into the wall.
Don't consider yourself void of feelings, emotions, whatever you want to call it; you're not. People from environments which lack being openly affectionate with feelings don't lack the feelings just the expression, so they find other outlets for those feeling; for example telling their friends on a forum how much they think of their mother and how much they wish they could do more.
Those words may not come out as "I love you", but they come out, and the feeling behind them is the same; perhaps even more, because it's not just words you're used to saying, but something you really want to say.
Then again, they might just be words, and we might not really know the meaning of them when we say them, but we do mean them; at least we learn we do. Saying it once in a while whether you think there is a world of meaning behind them, or they are just words, will mean something to you; at least you won't be writing on a forum to some young person you don't know about the only time you told a parent that you loved them.

I wish there were an icon for thoughtfulness.  Or perhaps, keen interest.    

BTM, I thought about responding, I read everyone's response this afternoon, except Menard's.  Then I came back... He said what I did not have the words to say to you.  My mother left my father when we were still young, and my dad was very hard.  I dreamed 2 or 3 nights ago about him, we were in the one house my family had lived in for any long period of time (6 years) my mother was there... we were in the foyer, he had me by the thumbs and was pressing them hard, it really hurt, and I said to him "I know you're trying to intimidate me...!"  I woke up, my heart pounding, thought I've got to tell my brother David... but David died in January.  My father's been dead a long time now.  Y'know I hated my father, but I loved him too.  I don't think I ever told him.

[Trevor]

Virtual karma to Dr Menard for his kind thoughts and warm hugs to you, BTM: all the best to you.