THE ULTIMATE HEIST FILM!!

Or my idea for it, which I like to call:

---11 men. 1 convenience store. They won’t pull it off.---

We follow Sonny Wortzik from Dog Day Afternoon as he is finally released from jail many years after the incident that landed him in jail and his buddy Sal dead. Broken and destitute, Sonny is reluctant yet desperate when he hears of an offer to participate in another dangerous heist from the infamous Keyser Soze. Nervously, he signs on and is told of a foolproof scheme…. He and 10 other super-criminals (“Soze's 11”) will target one completely un-notable convenience store and take not only all the money inside, but every item as well, allowing them to not only live comfortably without a trip to the store for weeks and weeks, but also have a good pile of cash on the side for... personal reasons.

Being completely un-notable, no one would ever suspect such a daring, well-planned or executed robbery.

The plan is foolproof. Grand Theft Auto “protagonist” Claude Speed is to hijack 2 police cars allowing well-known criminals Charles Manson and George Jung along with Mr. Pink and Mr. Blue, two thugs with ambiguous fates from Reservoir Dogs, to steal the officers’ clothing. Later, the former ruthless general given the nickname “General Butt-Naked” by his enemies is to charge into the targeted store and begin to assault Virgil Starkweather (Take the Money and Run), posing as a normal customer, until the faux-police charge in and stop him. Afterwards, the “police” are to tell the cashier to disconnect any alarm systems “just so they don't go off on accident, since they may be sensitive upon being tripped this way” before proceeding to escort Virgil and Butt-Naked to safety and informing other units that all is OK and that the general area can be avoided. Once this phase is through, Sonny is to enter the store along with DB Cooper and “The Duct Tape Bandit” and threaten to blow the place up if they cannot steal every item and all the money. From there, Sonny’s old pal “Stevie” and all-around getaway driver is to escort the rest of them back to their meeting spot; Virgil’s apartment.

...foolproof, right? OR IS IT??

The plan turns SNAFU right off the bat when Virgil oversleeps, leading Stevie to unwisely leave him behind when he brings the others to the primary rendezvous point! Once Claude’s team of faux-police meet up with Stevie’s team of “lower thugs,” the former group immediately becomes suspicious. Though Sonny and Duct-Tape say Virgil was simply not at the point to be picked up, DB Cooper says that Stevie may have killed Virgil in order to sabotage the plan. Not seeing any evidence to the contrary and not wanting the plan to be messed-up further, Claude kills Stevie and says Cooper should take his place as the getaway driver while he takes Virgil’s place as the “victim”.

The plan zooms into action when Butt-Naked attacks Claude in the store! However, unbeknownst to the robbers, a real team of police have already stopped by the store for a donut break, and one promptly shoots the general dead in seconds leaving Claude to feign fainting from shock! Manson and the other fake cops come in to try to salvage things, but the real cop realizes something fishy is going on and attempts to stop them. Manson, Mr. Blue and George Jung beat the cop and tie him up. The robbers know their cover is blown and simply tell the second team to enter in order to make things quicker, but before the robbery can begin in full-force, the cop’s partner emerges from the bathroom and pumps 5 rounds from his revolver into the Duct-Tape-Bandit, threatening the others with the final shot!

Chaos ensues: Mr. Blue aims at the first cop, Jung aims at the second. Sonny, in an attempt to settle things trough wackiness, points his gun at his own head. Mr. Pink cowers behind a cardboard display and Claude continues to play possum. Manson simply stands there, taunting cop 2 and saying he doesn’t have the guts to shoot anyone. Unfortunately, this brings cop 2 to shoot Manson, which leads Mr. Blue to re-aim and shoot cop 2, which leads cop 1 to fling himself at Mr. Blue, which leads Jung to re-aim at cop 1 and wildly fire killing both cop 1 and Mr. Blue, which leads Sonny to faint!

Jung “takes control” of the situation by threatening to kill everyone and forces the manager to hand over the money one bill at a time, hitting him after each bill he gives over. Time passes and whilst Jung enforces his madness, Claude and the (now awakened) Sonny realize things are out of control begin whispering to each other on the floor. In the mean time, the manager eventually grows too weak and injured to hand over any more money; in response, Jung pulls his trigger ready to unload into the poor guy, only to find he wasted all his bullets killing cop 1 and Mr. Blue! Upon learning this, Sonny and Claude bum rush the cocaine-crazed Jung, which gives the manager the opportunity to whale on all of them with a baseball bat. In the fray, the handed-over money drops from the counter allowing Mr. Pink to snatch it and sneak away. Upon escaping however, Mr. Pink finds that the getaway car is not in the right spot, and in fact DB Cooper was waiting to run down whoever got away from the start and take the money for himself.

Sonny and Claude escape the store just in time to see Cooper driving away on his own, and make their way back to the rendezvous point in the police car Claude stole to try and somehow head Cooper off. Eventually, the two arrive back at Virgil’s apartment and find that Virgil was sleeping the whole time. Learning this, Sonny blows Claude’s brains out for executing Stevie earlier and wakes Virgil just before Cooper arrives. Sonny and Virgil arm themselves and proceed to have a pitched shootout with Cooper for the stolen cash. The duo manage to take down Cooper, but then Virgil accidentally shoots Sonny as well, then the police arrive and he is himself arrested, the police purposefully breaking his glasses in the process.