"Special" Forces

[WildHoosier09]

Ok, I got a question for the kids on this one but it covers a wide range of bad movies.  Have you ever noticed when the group in trouble (we'll say mad scientists, or exploreres, etc.) summon some group of "special" forces from some non-descript but clearly military arm of the government to help put down the giant spiders, aliens, monsters, zombies... they get this random menagerie of some rag tag looking force that includes as a minimum one hot chick, a commander who only wields a side-arm (because he's too important to actually use a weapon with an effective range more than 15 yards), some low level private with an M16, and someone with a shotgun and someone with an easily stereotyped ethnic background who "fights in the ancient ways of his people".  Off-hand I am thinking of "ice spiders" and "zombie strippers" (though to be fair, the later is a spoof) but there are many movies that do this. 
You know they last time I saw news footage of marines, no one was running around wielding their side-arm as their primary weapon, they were completely devoid of clevage bearing hot-chicks, and of all things, they had uniform sets of assault rifles/machine guns that all use the same type of ammo and could easily be restocked/used by other members of the squad rather than no two people having the same weapon.  So my question to you, bad movie lover, is what's your favorite "special" forces group from a movie and why?  A fun game that goes along with this is, how much sports equipment have you seen posing as military gear?

[Chainsawmidget]

Having actually been in the military, I'm always amused when I see "soldiers" armed with hunting rifles and shotguns.

[claws]

I like the "Special" Forces in No Contest (1994) and Chill Factor (1999). However, these are the bad guy Special Forces, molded after Hans Gruber's terrorist team from Die Hard (1988).
They are usually suited in fancy terrorist clothing (preferably black) and half of them have ponytails. And there always seem to be one computer genius on the team, easily spotted wearing small rimless round eyeglasses.

[Jack]

Oh man, do I ever have some stories to tell  

Universal Soldiers - notice that "soldiers" is plural - this is an Asylum knockoff.  I swear they just told the actors to wear whatever green clothing they owned;  no two items of anyone's "uniform" matches.  They're hunting and being hunted by some killer creature, and the tactic they choose to use it to walk around yelling at the top of their lungs at all times.  One guy yells about how he'd never leave a fellow soldier behind, then promptly leaves everyone behind.  Then there's my favorite scene where a guy runs out of ammo (for his pistol of course) but then goes on to shoot umpteen more rounds in later scenes.

Skeleton Man - these aren't just special forces, they introduce themselves as being the top sniper in whole military, the swimming instructor for the Navy Seals, the top...whatever.  They don't introduce themselves to each other until they've been hiking together for quite a while.  Odd that.  These people are beyond moronic.  When they finally pull their weapons out of their backpacks, they immediately start aiming them at imaginary targets;  I guess to check if the barrels are still straight?  Their combat tactics consist of hiding behind a bush, but then jumping out in the open when the enemy attacks, all the while yelling for someone to come and help them.  Their weapons cause sparks to fly off trees.  

Alien 3000 - I guess these guys are actually mercenaries, but I believe they're hired by the government (apparently we're terribly short of real soldiers?).  Good lord.  Two of these people are just childish a-holes who probably should be in an asylum or something.  The monster they're fighting is invisible, and one guy just happens to bring a great big paint ball cannon along (on a combat mission).  The sad part is, I've got this on DVD and have watched it several times  

Raptor Island - these guys are commanded by Lorenzo Lamas, so their fate is pretty much sealed.  My favorite part is when a terrorist is hiding behind a tree and a soldier walks right past him without seeing him.  But then the camera pans down and we see that the tree is only about 9" wide.  One guy bravely sacrifices himself to the raptors to save everyone else, but ironically after traveling another 50', the survivors happen across an area that the raptors won't enter.  Lamas commands everyone to conserve their ammo since they're running short, so they immediately proceed to pump 50 rounds into a clearly dead raptor.  Nobody ever aims at anything, they just hold down the trigger and spray bullets in a wide arc.  All the better to add the CGI dino's in later I guess.  In the climactic scene it's obvious that Lamas is aiming way over the dinosaur's head  

Chupacabra Terror - These guys aren't too bad (for a low budget sci-fi original), but I really got a kick out of a few things.  The Chupacabra is very resistant to bullets, but luckily the special forces have armor piercing bullets.  So here's the question:  Do you A)  use the armor piercing bullets, or B)  wait until half your guys are dead, THEN give permission to use the armor piercing bullets?  It's also got that classic scene where all the military guys burst into a room, thinking the monster is there.  They fire at least 1,000 rounds of ammo, disintegrating every cardboard box in the place in spectacular fashion.  But the monster...I don't really need to say it, do I?  

Oh, and then there's Leprechaun 4:  In Space.  I...I don't even wanna go there.

[Flick James]

You're right. These cliches are ridiculous and they have to stop. Except for the "minimum of one hot chick" part. They can keep that one intact.

[Hammock Rider]

The soldiers in Aliens were a special forces team, of sorts. And I always liked Arnold's team from Predator. It;s been awhile but I think there was a team like this in Carnosaur 3, although the hot chick was a scientist rather than a soldier.

[WildHoosier09]

I actually remember Chupacabra Terror as one of the worst offendors of the "sports equipment posing as military gear".  A not so close look would reveal the entire team is wearing skating helmets.  I remember watching this one with a bunch of friends and calling out everytime we saw team Tony Hawk on the move.

What amazes me is that with military surplus stores pretty much ubiqutous and veterans aplenty why suck at putting together a military team.  Heck, even on this post we have all the necessary tools at hand. Hire someone like Chainsaw Midget, get them access to a military surplus store for props, and you could probably design a more realistic force than what we typically see.  Ohh, well I guess that would be using logic, we can't do that now 

[Jim H]

The soldiers in Aliens were a special forces team, of sorts. And I always liked Arnold's team from Predator. It;s been awhile but I think there was a team like this in Carnosaur 3, although the hot chick was a scientist rather than a soldier.

Yeah, and there is a girl who beats a really buff guy in arm wrestling, which I remember thinking was completely ludicrous.  As I recall, at least their uniforms matched.

[Trevor]

The worst / best example of this is the horror that is Operation Delta Force (1996) made here in South Africa.

The leader: a raspy voiced curmudgeon whose brother was killed by friendly fire.
The unwelcome member: a doctor who was once a Green Beret and fired the bullet that killed the above's brother.
The female addition: a gutsy South African lady soldier who can kick ass with the best of them.
The chicken: has an added attraction in that he hates South Africans until his lame pimply ass is saved by one.
The team member on a mission who had just become a father.
The cannon fodder: two unfortunates who are just that.
The villain who gets killed still screaming racial epithets.

Can't get any better than that one here. 

[Couchtr26]

You're right. These cliches are ridiculous and they have to stop. Except for the "minimum of one hot chick" part. They can keep that one intact.

I partially disagree.  Must be upped to "minimum of two hot chicks".  You know everyone has different tastes. 

Anyway, I have always been bothered by not just these kind of special forces but the lack of military understanding in general.  Often times, antiquated tactics are used in movies set to be modern.  Weapon choices are usually dictated by what looks impressive/is available over what is useful.  It is hard to believe many would ever make it passed any kind of training that is mentioned.  I understand and get the usefulness of plot devices.  Oh well, lamenting is nice to free the spirit.  My two cents. 

[Skull]

Lol... In my script "The Next Mission" the special force group was "Plan 9 Strike Force" and there was a "hot" chick (communications officer) that was replacing a recently injured communications officer... although the group was forced to take oders from an interrogation specialist (who never served any combat duty) and he had a bomb inplanted in his head (so he couldnt reveal any secrets)

[Couchtr26]

Lol... In my script "The Next Mission" the special force group was "Plan 9 Strike Force" and there was a "hot" chick (communications officer) that was replacing a recently injured communications officer... although the group was forced to take oders from an interrogation specialist (who never served any combat duty) and he had a bomb inplanted in his head (so he couldnt reveal any secrets)

Hmmm, two communication officers ..... hmmm, one Russian and the other from somewhere in Latin America .....Russian blonde headed and ..... Sorry must get back from the day dream. 

[Flangepart]

And I still wanna see Andrew do an article about 'stupid movie wepons tricks'...for maybe 'Guns and Ammo?'

I'm sorry, but the aiming ability of most 'special farces' in movies is a joke on the level of Imp. Stormtroopers. A lot more deadly dinos and big beasties would be bleeding if they faced the real thing.

[Skull]

And I still wanna see Andrew do an article about 'stupid movie wepons tricks'...for maybe 'Guns and Ammo?'

I'm sorry, but the aiming ability of most 'special farces' in movies is a joke on the level of Imp. Stormtroopers. A lot more deadly dinos and big beasties would be bleeding if they faced the real thing.

I agree... although many, many years ago my RPG party considered the soldiers panic due to Horror Factor of the unhuman monsters, which would be a natural response...

And the Stormtroopers didnt have bad aim... Han Solo had a Horse Shoe in his butt... :)

[WildHoosier09]

True, nothing says "fodder" like when the so-called best-of-the-best special forces start panicking and arguing amongst themselves.

Of course the more "powerful" a character is (e.g. has a name, some kind of indicator of who they are, some development) the more likely they are to either 1. die dramatically or 2. actually hit the monster with their gun.  This is regardless of details such as shooting a pistol at them from 100 yards away, they are too important of a character to miss.