Copyright 2007 Dimension Extreme
Submitted by Alyson Hoffman on January 2011
Henry-Our hero; suffers from a crippling fear of sheep. He gets better.
Angus-Henry’s brother. Didn’t get the memo that being a grade A ass-hat in a horror film assures him a horrible death.
Experience- (No, really. That’s her name) Comely animal liberator who helps Henry break out of his fears while being subjected to vegan unfriendly situations.
Tucker-Friendly farm manager and childhood friend of Henry. Gets turned into a weresheep (I kid you not), but gets better.
Mrs. Mac-Shotgun-wielding housekeeper who specializes in haggis and rabbit pie. Between her and Cloris Leachman, that is so what I want to be like when I’m old. Her cooking is something to be desire though.
Grant-Experience’s colleague and, later, a weresheep, though, as is, he is a shoe-in for the role of Torgo for the “Manos” remake. I would totally cast him as Torgo.
Dr. Rush and her team-Responsible for the mutant sheep. Become fodder for said mutant sheep.
Investors, farmhands, and a taxi driver- all of them either get eaten or turned into weresheep.
The Sheep-the reason why it’d be safer to raise goats. Until they come up with a movie about killer goats.
Sheep, on the whole, are probably the least frightening animal you may encounter. Over millennia of domestication and breeding pretty much rendered these guys small-brained and extremely docile. Unless you are among the few violently allergic to the lanolin present in their wool, you pretty much deserve to be mocked if your cause of death reads “mauled by sheep”. The posthumous derision at your expense would only cease when they hear about the poor shmuck who was mauled to death by a chinchilla.
This little film from New Zealand, home of one of largest sheep-based economies and director Peter Jackson, pays tribute to both, especially the latter. In fact, Weta Workshop did the monster effects and it is glorious.
The story proper begins with Henry, a nervous city boy who heads back to his family’s farm fifteen years after the death of his father and a cruel trick played by his brother Angus spurred an extreme fear of sheep. After hyperventilating in a taxi delayed by a flock of sheep, he meets up with Angus.
Ah, Angus with a chin that could give Bruce Campbell’s lantern jaw of B-movie fame a run for its money. A smarmy git if you ever saw one, though it makes you wonder how he would have turned out if the chip on his shoulder (i.e. seeing Henry earning the attention of his Dad as a shepherding prodigy) didn’t fester into sociopathy. It’s clear that this weird little film has a Cain and Abel story at its core, though the Bible left out the part about mutant sheep. Given the presence of demon-possessed swine and giants, killer sheep wouldn’t be too out of place in the Good Book, but I digress.
Angus enlists the aid of a notorious geneticist in order to produce a new breed of sheep. The actual animal we eventually get to see is not the crazed mutant. Rather, the outbreak comes courtesy of two animal liberators who grab a tube containing a really gnarly-looking lamb fetus bound for disposal. It’s obvious that these two have never seen “28 Days Later” as Grant accidently drops the tube and awakens the pickled abomination.
The plague of killer sheep is kick-started when the monstrous lambkin bites Grant and an unsuspecting ewe in a nearby paddock. This does not bode well for Henry, Tucker, and Experience, who are stranded some several miles away from the farmhouse and without a truck due to a surprise sheep attack, and Angus, who gets bitten by Grant. It’s up to Henry to nut up and show the offensive ovines what for.
As we have seen before, no matter how silly the premise may sound, the right execution can make it into an enjoyable film. So if you’re fans of Peter Jackson’s splatstick and got an hour and a half to kill, pop in this movie and revel in the violence of the lambs.
• Sheep flatus is highly combustible.
• Despite possessing one row of teeth, sheep can tear human flesh and puncture rubber with no trouble.
• Certain human extremities have the elasticity of a rubber band.
• There is a law in New Zealand that requires all locally produced films to include a shot of people walking through the native terrain.
• Sheep are agnostic.
• Ovinophobia is the fear of the day when sheep rise up against their human masters.
STUFF TO WATCH FOR
Opening credits – Wait, am I playing the wrong movie? The music’s all whimsical and stuff. Nice landscape though.
5 mins – Ooookay, that one you might have to send to military school.
5 mins 43 secs – In his defense, swarms of anything are scary. Yes, even puppies.
10 mins – Don’t get me wrong. She’s awesome, but how many times has the house been robbed for her to justify greeting people with a gun?
15 mins – And the Sumatran Rat-Monkey muscles in a cameo!
15 mins – RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DUMMY AND PUPPET!
17 mins – RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST REVIEWER’S APPETITE!
21 mins – This movie’s got a thing for killing bunnies. Maybe Grant and Mrs. Mac are the solution to Australia’s rabbit problem.
24 mins 30 secs – Well, it’s good to see that her priorities are in order.
25 mins 47 secs – RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DOOR
30 mins 20 secs – “No, Toonces!”
33 mins 14 secs – Makes the tanks of Trioxin 245 seem utterly airtight.
33 mins 47 secs – Cue “The Haunting Torgo theme”
35 mins 30secs – And they run into the Fellowship on their way to Moria.
45 mins 32 secs – Did Grant rummage through the trash on his way to Angus? Yuck.
46 mins 30 secs –You would think that those two would have ran into the other two lamb fetuses, but it’s possible all of the lambkins might have died after their tubes were breached. I can’t (nor want to) imagine them surviving longer than five minutes. That’s just me though.
49 mins 30 secs – Suddenly I’ve got a hankering for roasted mutton.
53 mins – Ludo?
56 mins 17 secs – Sloth?
61 mins - Uh, baa-ram-ewe?
65 mins - Sure, why not?
68 mins – So it’s bestiality AND incest. Surely, he will live to see the end credits.
72 mins – Look, just lie back and think of England, er, New Zealand. Anyway, it’ll be over soon.
81 mins 15 secs –RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DICK AND HIS GENITALS
82 mins –All together now, SHEEP GO BOOM!
*Experience: “This isn’t gonna be like the salmon farm, is it, Grant?”
Grant: “Hey, those fish died free.”
*Grant: “They’ll never catch us. They’re meat eaters.”
*Tucker: “Come on then, muttonchops!”
*Mrs. Mac: (to WereGrant) “Many’s the meal I’ve made of wethers like you. You don’t scare me.”
*Henry: “You’ve been bitten!”
Angus: “It’s nothing. Just some hippy.
Henry: “You’ll become one of them!”
Angus: “A hippy?”