With Jason X coming out, I think everyone should reply to this.

[Pistof]

Hi there, my name is Pistof and I'm here to talk about something important. Education. Not that from a book or a school, no. I mean REAL education. I mean a post I like to call:

What Has Jason Voorhees Taught Me?

Because when you get right down to it he really is the greatest educator of all time. So I'm asking all the faithful followers of this site to tell the world, What has Jason Voorhees Taught Me?

The good, old hocky mask of hell has taught me three important things.
1. Don't Smoke(if you do you will be grabbed from under your bed and a harpoon will go through you throught. I think thats a form of cancer caused by cigerettes.)*
2. Don't have Sex in the Woods(I don't have to explain this one do I?)
3. Don't do Handstands(Handstands, although entertaining for about 10 secounds, are just a way of asking Jason to kill you... in a horrible, horrible way.)

Thats what I learned. So thank you Jason, because of the countless deaths and sequals I will never smoke, have sex in the woods, or do handstands again.

*By the way I'm well aware that it was Mrs. Voorhees who did the harpoon smoking thing in the original movie, but Jason was their in spirit.

[Lee]

What has Jason taught me?

Run while you have the chance and don't look back!

[AkiraTubo]

If you hear someone screaming, it *might* not be from sexual ecstacy.

If blood drips onto you from above, don't just sit there and wonder "Where did this come from?"

If you hear a strange noise FOR GOSH SAKE DON'T CHECK IT OUT!

If you see a huge shadow stalking you, don't assume it's your tiny dog Muffin.

[Pancho]

Most importantly never sign up for a sequel.  Also, if you realize you're in one of these movies off yourself in the least painful way possible anything else is just stalling

[Offthewall]

If there are news reports of people dying in the woods, and your in the woods. Then you see a masked figured, don't assume it's just your friend playing a prank

[Cloudio]

No sex in the woods...I learned that you don't have sex in a vehicle as well, that means a camper, or boat.  
I also learned that if you are female, you keep your clothes on!

[J.R.]

* Never, under any circumstances, shower. It just leaves you open to obligatory nudity and it allows a maniac to creep up on you, silenced by the water. You may smell bad, but you'll be alive.

* If you have a friend who has terrifying dreams on a regular occurence, it's a good idea to stop hanging around them. When a bloodbath occurs they're the only ones that survive.

* Never trust cops. They are all idiots who won't believe a word you say and forget all their training at the drop of a hat.

[john]

When you knock the maniac out or even just knock them down, don't run away like an idiot, the killer will just catch & kill you. Instead, take the opportunity to chop, stab, bludgeon, dismember, disembowel or decapitate your attacker. If you have no weapons handy, jump as high as you can and land with both feet on the killer's neck. Note: this may not be totally effective against superhuman killers. For them you absolutely need dismemberment.

[AndyC]

Be as boring as possible. Do not dress in trendy clothes, use the latest slang, tell jokes, poke fun at your meeker friends or type on an imaginary computer. Do not ride around on a bicycle, accosting people and rambling like a nut. Above all, do not utter any memorable lines, like "that's what's known as screwin' the pooch," or "where the red dot goes, ya bang." You are Jason fodder.

The exception to this would be Tommy Jarvis, who was an unusual and interesting character and did live. However, he lost his family, spent years in an institution, and was tormented for three movies. Bad things happen to quirky people.

[Cloudio]

If a dirty, strange elderly man tells you to stay away from somewhere, you listen!

[Pistof]

I also learned that being told "Your Doomed" means that you really are doomed.

[J.R.]

* Cars get scared. If you are fleeing for your life any automobile you get into will stall.

* If you haven't seen someone in a while, chances are their mutilated bodies will turn up to scare the crap out of you.

[systemcr4sh]

* No matter how many times you shoot, blow up, stab, dismember, fry, electrocute, drown, strangle, or kick, the killer will allways come back ONE MORE TIME.

*  Killers not only like to stab you, but they take the kife out afterwards, to use again later.

* Superhuman killers can magically make weapons appear, without going back to the shed they already got weapons from.

* If you tell your dad you wish he was dead, he will die.

* Tieing a superhuman killer underwater isn't enough.

[Future Blob]

 Stay in the city, where the odds are much smaller that a maniac with a hockey mask will visit you.

 If you DO go to the woods where murders once happened (again and again and...) don't get attached to anyone..in fact, feed them to Jason if at all possible! It may buy you a little time.

If a killer in a strange outfit attacks you, shoot him in the head. Do not approach him, instead back away slowly, keeping your eyes on him at all times. If he gets up again, shoot him down again. Rinse and repeat. If he's between you and the door..you're screwed.

[Erik J]

I thought I had really learned it all in school , till I read this...............

I learned that no matter how hungry you might be for a candy bar anyone with an axe is not, and when they tell you NO they really do mean it and you should walk away.

I also learned you should not pretend to be someones mother and move to the side to allow the son to he his mother's head.

I also learned you should not leave shavers around for young boys to use because they end up getting put away in a psyche ward.

The last thing I learned is that they should not of sent Jason's body to the crematorium in Georgia to have him cremated because they just don't get it right the first time.

Oh and with that I learned that you SHOULD NOT dig up bodies in electrical storms because they get a FRANKENSTEIN complex going on.