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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  GOOD jokes! « previous next »
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Author Topic: GOOD jokes!  (Read 801 times)
A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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« on: February 15, 2011, 02:34:13 PM »

Post replies where you make jokes where you actually TRY to be funny instead of being corny. I made it because... Hey, why not?

Four nuns line up outside confessional. Nun #1 goes in.

Nun #1: "Father, I have sinned."
Priest: "What IS this sin?"
Nun#1: "I saw a man's penis!"
Priest: "Wash eyes with holy water and 5 hail Marys."
*Nun #1 leaves and #2 enters*
Nun #2: "Father, I have sinned!"
Priest: "What did YOU do?"
Nun #2: "I've TOUCHED and man's penis!"
Priest: "*SIGH* 10 hail Marys and wash your hands in holy water."
*Nun #2 leaves and #3 tries to enter. Nun #4 stops her*
Nun #4: "Hold it! I'm not going to gargle water you just SAT IN!!"
*Priest face palms*
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Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 1496
Posts: 10461


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2011, 09:18:06 PM »

You'd better post that one over in the terrible jokes thread.   Wink Thumbdown
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RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 0
Posts: 10454


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2011, 09:31:00 PM »

A drag queen walks into a hillbilly bar. He orders a drink.
Bartender says-"We dont serve yer kind around here! But if you go sit it the back,yer ok."
 So He sits inna back.
A truck driver walks in and says-"Im so hungry,I could eat the ass outta a cow!"
The drag queen jumps on the table on all fours-"Moo-moo,big boy!"
Logged

\"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!\" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)


Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?"
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."





http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
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http://rcmerchant.tumblr.com/
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 0
Posts: 10454


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2011, 09:41:27 PM »

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey.
Bartender sez-"Cant have a monkey in here!"
Guy sez-"Wait-Ill bet $50 that if you set up 10 shot glasses this monkey can p**s into all of them without spilling a drop!"
Bartender-"Ill take that bet!"
 So the dam monkey jumps on the bar and p**ses all over the place.
"HAHAHHA! I won! Pay up!" sez the barkeep.
Guy sez-"Not a problem-cuz I bet those guys inna back af the bar $200 dollars I could make you laff if a monkey p**ses on yer bar!"

 Drink
Logged

\"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!\" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)


Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?"
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."





http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
http://rcmerchant.tumblr.com/
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 10454


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2011, 09:51:22 PM »

Being i is poo white trash-Im gonna use this one-
How do you find a virgin in Michigan?
Find a 13 year old that can run faster than her brother.

A Michigander is sittin in his house. Its raining. The roofs leaking. His wife sez-
"Why dont you fix the roof?"
He sez-
"When its raining I cant-and when the the sun's shining-it dont leak."
Logged

\"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!\" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)


Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?"
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."





http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
http://rcmerchant.tumblr.com/
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1496
Posts: 10461


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2011, 10:22:54 PM »

Did you blow bubbles as a child...????   Question

He's getting out of prison next week...
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Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1496
Posts: 10461


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2011, 10:29:20 PM »

Two elderly ladies are in a car; the 92 year old is driving, the 96 year old is in the passenger seat.  
They come up to a red light, and speed right through it.  
The 96 year old thinks... did we just go thru a red light??  
They come up to another intersection, and go right through a 2nd red light.  
The 96 year old thinks... I know we just went through a red light!!  
They come up to a third intersection and zip right through their third red light!!!  
The 96 year old turns to the 92 year old and scolds her: "You do realize that we have gone thru the last three red lights?!!!"  
The 92 year old throws up her hands and replies: "Ohp!!  Am I driving??"  Question
« Last Edit: February 15, 2011, 10:38:01 PM by Allhallowsday » Logged

If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 10454


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2011, 10:32:20 PM »

Ouch!  Buggedout
Logged

\"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!\" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)


Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?"
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."





http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
http://rcmerchant.tumblr.com/
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1496
Posts: 10461


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2011, 10:37:37 PM »

Ouch!  Buggedout
Oh, c'mon, that joke is funny!!!  BounceGiggle Question Bluesad
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If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 1321
Posts: 7745


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2011, 07:30:27 AM »

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender sez:
"Hey Buddy, why the long face?"



John Kerry walks into a bar and the bartender sez:
"Hey buddy!  Why the long face?"
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2402



« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2011, 08:58:42 AM »

WARNING! This joke is a little racist!

-A Mexican, a Muslim, and a White guy find a genie's lamp-
Genie: "Make your wishes. You all get one!"
Mexican: "I wish me and my people were back in our own Latino countries prospering and being happy."
Genie: "Granted!"
*Mexican vanishes and his wish comes true*
Muslim: "I want the same for MY people! But only for MUSLIM ARABS! I also want a giant wall surrounding the Middle East! 100 miles high, 100 miles thick!"
White guy: "Why do you want that?"
Muslim: "So my country isn't TAINTED by INFIDELS like YOU!"
Genie: "It is done!"
*Muslim vanishes and his wish comes true*
White guy: "So... All the Muslims are back in their country with a wall that you can't scale or break through?"
Genie: "Yes, why?"
White guy: "I wish it was full of water!"
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