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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Ax 'Em (Spoilers) LONG « previous next »
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Author Topic: Ax 'Em (Spoilers) LONG  (Read 1156 times)
j perk
Guest
« on: September 07, 2003, 11:24:23 AM »

You know usually I'm a subdued guy on the board.  I try to keep capital letters to the minimum and don't go off on huge nonsensical rants but WHY IN THE BLUE HELL DID THEY MAKE THIS MOVIE!!!!!! >???????????

There is absolutely no sense to this piece of crap.  I mean me and my friend were looking for a movie, something worse than Carnival of Souls (Wes Craven's) for me and Vengeance of the Dead for him.  So we got Scarecrow Slayer and Axe Em (surprisingly both by York Entertainment).  Now Scarecrow Slayer was bad.  So we thought hey Axe em couldn’t be any worse, but then we put Axe em in.  ...

I was going to actually write a review about it but I can't get my thoughts together on the film, plus I would have to see it again.  But here is a quick synopsis.  A group of at least ten friends go to Michael's grandfathers house to spend the weekend.  But apparently some guy wants to kill them.  Now doesn't seem bad but then the movie starts.

First they show the title cards at the beginning telling the story of Harry a quote from the title cards:

"On a cold winter night in 1990, Mr. Mason, a mean and cruel Towns man left his job for Home.  After arriving home, He took a shotgun and killed his wife and Kids.  Then is mean man Killed himself "

Ok a few errors but still fine, I mean i misspell words all the time and my grammar isn't the best and my sentence structure sucks so i wasn't holding any grudges.  But the movie got worse.  A few low lights are.

It's called Ax Em but only 1 guy gets killed with an ax.  At the very beginning.  The others get attacked with a machete, a bat, a phone, and a gun.

For some strange reason they decide to put a Step Show into the movie.  This led absolutely NOWHERE!!!

Apparently Harry wants to REVENGE his family’s deaths (according to title cards).  Now, ignoring wrong use of words, if I'm correct Harry is the son of the Mean Towns man that killed his family.  So he would want to get revenge on his dad.  But wait his dad is dead so apparently the revenge is already fulfilled.  Or something.

For some reason 2 guys walk into an abandoned house (Brian and Breakfast).  to use a phone.  Now the house looks pretty abandoned but good old Brian decides to yell out "Hey I hear you up there I want to use your phone.!!" really loud.  Now this is after the fact that he just walked into someone’s house.  If someone was there they would probably shoot him for trespassing but Brian continues on.  Breakfast runs for it.  Well after getting to the 3rd floor of this house he decides that there is no phone, so of course Harry comes out of nowhere and hits him with the phone.

Two bums appear out of nowhere and say some gibberish and never return again.

Breakfast runs into Brian’s girlfriend and says he's gone and she can stay and wait for Brian.  So Breakfast runs into oblivion, never to return again.  So about 10 hours later she is still outside waiting for Brian and she continues to trip over things WITHOUT TAKING A STEP!!!!!! Then the killer comes and she runs one way and he runs another.  She never returns.

Michael, the lead character (and writer, director and something else) decides to dance around when he does ANYTHING.  This includes running from the killer, trying to find the killer and just waiting.

Michael's granddad had a 6 shooter and only got 2 bullets in when harry axe him. (The only guy killed with an ax).  But when Michael finds the gun he has enough bullets to shoot it 7 times at Harry in one encounter, Shoot it twice more later.  Shoot it without even pulling the trigger twice.  Shoot it WITHOUT EVEN HAVING A GUN twice.  Then after his one friend takes it and she shoot Harry twice Michael finally decides to reload the gun and empty a few more rounds into Harry.
Not to mention the gun fires like a semi automatic once and its sound changes between firings once.

You can hear the director yell cut several times.

The movie is shot in a box.  Not letterboxed just a box.  And it's grainy 83% of the time and inaudible 90% of the time.  But the dialogue you can hear doesn't really matter because it makes no sense.

The editing is terrible.  The actually show the same scene twice.  This chick runs through the woods and then she runs through the same part again.  Back to back.  Then not to mention that in one scene the killer bursts into the house and then they cut to everyone being outside talking about him coming in and how scared they are.  How the HELL DID THEY GET OUT OF THE HOUSE??!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???!

They travel between at lest three different houses in the movie yet Michael says there are no neighbors around for 25 miles.  So apparently the houses are abandoned yet they all have electricity.

They keep referring to the machete as an ax.  

One guy get cut by the machete then runs outside and gets hit with the bat and knocked unconscious.  So he makes hi way into an abandoned house and sits in the one lone chair and covers himself with a sheet.  Then some chick walks in and doesn't think anything of it then Harry walks in and looks at the chair.  And I swear you can see the guy’s legs through the sheet.  Harry looks at the chair and KEEPS GOING.

Two people find a car in the woods, get into it and decide not to see if it works until everyone else gets there.  Then they say "Hey it doesn't work".  If they would have tried it fifteen minutes earlier they could have saved some time.  

These two people are going around the house and apparently Harry is upstairs so the guy pushes the chick down and makes a run for it.  The chicks runs in super slow motion and gets gashed apparently.  It looked like Harry moved the machete in her direction but o well.  Then the guy decides it's a good idea to run back at Harry and UP THE STAIRS!!!!  HArry gets p**sed and pulls out a gun that the fools threw done earlier in the movie and shoots dude in the butt.

Finally, for this post, the group of at lest ten people come outside and see some guy messing with their car.  So what do they decide to do?  They run into the house screaming like sissies.  There are TEN OF THEM.  He has is back turned.  They can rush him.  This is the same throughout the movie in most parts.

So in closing I am saying that I have found a movie worse than Carnival of Souls.  I'll admit it was fun to make fun of but painful to watch.  The stupidity level is very high on this one.  Don't watch unless you are ready for it.
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Klaviaturist
Guest
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2011, 08:04:42 PM »

You're a better man than I if you actually sat through this whole horrible mess. I watched half of this "thing" a long while ago when it was re-released as Ax 'Em. Believe it or not, it was released as The Weekend it Lives in the early 90's on a budget of less than 1000 bucks. The film also has a hysterically low score on the IMDb holding a score of 1.1 out of 10.
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