Funniest thing I've read for a while. I must admit, that I may be an Uncle Ted.
Me and some other guys at work have some general rules;
-That you never use the middle urinal or cubicle
-Always wipe the seat before using (some guy malts pubes real bad)
-Only poop when the gents is empty when you enter
-Wait until the gents is empty before you exit the cubicle and make your escape
There's is one guy though, who just farts ALL THE TIME and does it in front of ANYONE. His butt fumes smell like he's been eating dog food...