Suicide

[RCMerchant]

Many years ago 1989--I stuck a shotgun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. The recoil made the gun jump and I ended up putting a hole in my ceiling. The neighbors called the cops. I told them it was an accident-I was cleaning it and it went off.Yeah-right. Fact is-I was trying to kill myself. After the gun went off-and I was still alive-it freaked me out. I broke the gun down and stuck it under my bathtub (old fasioned claw leg thing).
OK-Heres the question-I know someone who is suicidial. What I did was wrong. I want to convince them . I dont no what to do-to say-saying no isnt a big option....this guy asked me for help...what do I say? What do I do?
This is really f**king with me. He's a nice guy-why he feels this way-I dunno-dammit.

[JaseSF]

That's very tough. Wish I knew what advice to give you but I suspect giving encouragement and hope of a better tomorrow might be a step the right way. Sometimes a person's friends will flock together to help out another in trouble which perhaps lets a person at least know their life touches others..I don't know really though if all that would stop someone out and out determined but there's gotta be help lines, crisis lines,  etc. out there to help and perhaps someone else on here can give some knowledgable advice.....

[RCMerchant]

He JUST got hold of me...he said he's ok now.
I hope-I PRAY so. And I aint religious. I been through s**t like that mentally-suicide aint an option. It's a cop out. Gotta fight. And he will. I think he'll be OK.

[indianasmith]

Let him know that you are his friend, and your life would be poorer without him.  Make him feel needed.

[akiratubo]

 The only thing I can offer is: tell him of your own experience, and how you realized what you tried to do was not the right thing.

I have never attempted suicide but I have seriously considered it, and am glad I never went through with it.

[Psycho Circus]

Same as everyone else said, but the best way is to say "hey, I'm depressed too. I tried to blow my brains out in '89, but I'm still here 22 years later. Yes, there's been ups and downs but the bad times don't last for ever." I've had 3 serious attempts at taking my life over the past 6 years and have been lucky to survive, the thoughts and feeling come and go. It's almost out of embarrassment that I didn't try again after immediately recovering. You have to think "I've really hit rock bottom, I want to die, it can't get any worse", then you try and find something to focus on to get back "up".

[Jack]

Let them know that everybody has terrible times in their life, and although it seems like it's the end, things actually get better over time and years later people can look back and perhaps not laugh, but at least be thankful they've grown way beyond that point.  Whatever this person is so down about, if they're contemplating suicide it's probably time for some major life changes, like completely cutting off contact with the other person if the problem is a relationship.

[Cthulhu]

I would also suggest that you tell him your experience. Make him understand that things will get better, no matter how bad things are right now.
I hope your friend really changed his mind, and that he won't try to commit suicide.

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

I agree, having someone just NOTICE might be enough for him.  And your story is very important, its a real "been there" thing.  and I gotta say my friend, I'm glad you missed.
-Ed

[retrorussell]

Glad he reconsidered.  Telling a suicidal person that your life would be worse off without him might snap him out of his depression, and also by telling him that suicide is indeed a cop out and to be a better person you must fight this problem.  And whenever they need help you're just a phone call away.

[The Burgomaster]

About 23 years ago I was at a Christmas party a few nights before Christmas.  As we were leaving the party around midnight, one of my buddies said he didn't feel like going home yet.  He wanted me to go to a bar with him for a couple more drinks.  I told him I was tired and wanted to go home.  He said, "Come on, I REALLY feel like hanging around and talking for awhile."  I ended up just going home and not thinking much about this.  A few days later on Christmas Day he shot himself in the head.  I still regret not going out with him after the party.  I'm not sure what he wanted to talk about, but I assume it had something to do with his suicidal feelings.  But I'll never know for sure.  I'm not sure what advice I can give you, other than listen to your friend and try to help him any way you can.  I'm pulling for you!

[ulthar]

When I was in high school and talking with my Dad about these kinds of thoughts, he said, "Just think, if you kill yourself how much depression you will miss out on."

Alive is alive, no matter how bad things are, they can always get better.

I finf suicide perhaps the saddest thing in the 'human condition.'

[Mofo Rising]

I don't think there's any easy answer here. I've never been suicidal, so I can't really say what it is like to be there.

People are complicated, and the decision to try and end your life can be tied up into many things.

I think the best thing you can try and do is form an actual connection with your "at-risk" friend. Helpful platitudes are no good, you have to try and reach that person however you can. Throwing that person a lifeline to at least one other person may avert tragedy.

Serious depression is nothing to laugh off, and there isn't really an easy out. If you can, get your friend to find help in any way they can. I don't want to push pills, but if a person is clinically depressed, anti-depressants can make a difference. Clinical depression is not a matter of "just look at the bright side of life." You can't talk somebody out of it by suggesting they cheer up.

Keep trying to connect, and hopefully they will agree to find a way to make their life worth living.

[Flick James]

RC,

Just because he said he's okay now, don't take that necessarily at face value, although I hope that is the case. You are going to be able to relate to your friend on an empathetic level more than myself. If you want advice on what to do, you really need to seek that advice of a professional. I don't mean that as any form of disrespect to members here, and I know you value our input otherwise you wouldn't be asking for it. As for your own actions, I will agree with Indy's simple advice, be a friend and let him know that he has worth to you.

However, I'll add something more. He contacted you because he wants help, but what you want to do is flip the script a bit. Ask HIM for help. Find that thing that he does well that you don't, and get him engaged. Life means more when one has a purpose. You need to help him find that purpose. For me it's my wife and my two boys. Without them I think I would survive, but with them, you can be damned certain that I have far too much to accomplish and be present for to even begin to entertain suicide. So, don't be so concerned about what you need to do or words you need to say. Just let him know what purpose he has for you. That's all you can do.

[ulthar]

Helpful platitudes are no good, you have to try and reach that person however you can.

I sure hope what I said in my post was not seen as a 'no-good' helpful platitude, because I agree with the theme of your post 100%.  There was a LOT more to the interaction with my Dad in that circumstance that I described, but I only mentioned ONE THING he said that really, really made sense to me at the time and has stuck with me.

Depression in general and suicidal thoughts in particular are very sneaky things.  We think we've beaten them one day, and blammo, they jump right back up some time later - often very unexpectedly.

Probably the common theme we are ALL saying is to show, by words and actions, that a friend has something to live for.

Life is a precious gift.  What a tragedy that so many of us go through periods where we wish to throw that gift away.

The closest I ever came to actually 'doing it' and the only time that REALLY scares me to look back upon is the one day I could think of no reason not to do it.  That's a very dangerous thought to have while holding a 9mm autoloader.

Good luck, RC.