Alternate song lyrics you keep to yourself

[AndyC]

We all know alternate lyrics for songs that we might sing for a laugh. Many of them are widely known. But do we have any that we wouldn't sing for somebody else? These would be joke lyrics that are too obscure to amuse anyone but ourselves, misheard lyrics we persist in singing even after knowing what the real words are, or maybe nonsensical alternate lyrics that just spring to mind for no reason when we hear the song.

I was thinking about this while adding songs to the mp3 mix that plays in the front of my shop. With the summer tourist season starting, I'm adding fun summer songs, including the greatest hits of the Beach Boys. Whenever I hear Sloop John B, I always think of a goofy name substitution that struck me as funny at some point and just stuck with me.

"Hoist up the John B. Schuck."

Kind of funny, somewhat obscure and completely nonsensical. If I actually sang that version in front of most people I know, they'd probably look at me like I'd just sprouted a second head. And yet, it persists.

Anybody else have an example?

[Psycho Circus]

I sing the chorus to "Rhinestone Cowboy" as "Like a rhinestone foreskin!" 

[Mr. DS]

R.O.C.K. in the USA by JCM came on the other day on XM which reminded me I sing it "C.O.C.K. in the Va-J J". 

[Flick James]

R.O.C.K. in the USA by JCM came on the other day on XM which reminded me I sing it "C.O.C.K. in the Va-J J". 

As far as I'm concerned, those ARE the lyrics for me from this point henceforward.

[AndyC]

That's something worth noting. I used to have a lot of fun with friends, just making up dirty alternate lyrics. I still do it out of habit, but there really isn't anybody around these parts I'd be comfortable sharing them with.

One I was recently reminded of is Max Webster's "Paradise Skies." I always sing the "Happiness is beginning to ride" part as "A penis is beginning to rise." Looking it up just now, I see that people actually do mishear it that way honestly. Not me, however.

[zombie no.one]

kylie + jason - especially for you

actual lyric:
"Especially for you
I wanna tell you I was feeling that way too"

my lyric:
"Especially for you
I want to show you all my wee and all my poo"

not proud.

[BTM]

You remember that old commercial jingle, "My baloney has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R"? 

I thought of one once that goes, "My penis has a first name, it's L-I-T-T-L-E.
My penis has a second name, it's M-I-K-E."

No, I really don't know where this stuff comes from.