Im losing it.

[alandhopewell]

     Man, I don't know you, but I agree, you need help. Alcohol is not a solution; I know.

[El Misfit]

RC, we don't hate you. The world may be in a mood, but we here are sure not. We love you!

[Newt]

I'll second what has been said.   We do care about you here, and you're right, friends over the internet can only be so much help.   You need to see someone in person soon to get professional help.  If there is a particular doctor or counselor whom you trust -- someone who listens to you carefully and takes what you say seriously -- you need to go see that person as soon as possible, and tell him or her where you're at.

I cannot say it better than what Zap said above.  We feel your distress but other than to listen, that's all we can do at this distance.  We'll always be here to talk with you, every step of the way, but you need someone professional and right at hand to help you find your balance.

[Umaril The Unfeathered]

    Man, I don't know you, but I agree, you need help. Alcohol is not a solution; I know.

You're right, alcohol isn't the solution, I should know personally, living in a house full of alcoholics when I was growing up becuse certain members of our family "took what they could get" for soul mates for fear of searching for someone better. With the predictable toll it too on the rest of us, needless to say.

That aside, totally agree with the rest of the board, RC. Get some help. Sometimes we can't do it by ourselves, and need assistance. No shame, man.  You're family with me too and we all love you here at Badmovies.  Best of luck to you 

[Cthulhu]

Seek some help, man. I'd like to see you get better.
Remember, seeing a counselor doesn't mean you're crazy. It should really help you.
Please, go and find one.

[bob]

I know I'm repeating what has already been said but I think you may want to see a psychologist.

[JaseSF]

I generally agree with the rest here. Sounds like you may be suffering from depression, or it may even be more than that, but depression itself can be very severe to live with. Depression and social and anxiety disorders need treatment. Seek some help and hopefully they'll be able to point you in the right direction. You may need medication to help you with all this. A lot of folks on here have openly talked about how taking the right medication has benefitted and changed their lives for the better.

A lot of people turn to alcohol when they suffer from depression but it's not the answer to self-medicate. Or try and destroy yourself...it's no answer. I've seen families affected this way personally before. I've seen kids forever seeking the approval of an absentee father who truly seems to love the bottle more than his kids who he couldn't be bothered with most of the time. Sometimes the same kids have been known to act out just to get attention, attention lacking throughout their lives. Not saying that's your life in particular. Just something I've personally seen up close. I've also seen guys destroy themselves with alcohol abuse, losing control of their bodily fluids numerous times. I know of a family where two sons killed themselves in this fashion, one with alcohol poisoning and the other with liver problems. Alcohol takes you away but it's not the answer. The answer is to get help and hopefully with it make changes to your own life. Life truly is what you make of it. Approach life in a negative fashion and you will only see negative. Embace the positive, however little wherever and whenever you can, and your life will change.

From Wiki about alcohol abuse:

"Symptoms are the defining characteristic of alcohol abuse ....Patient will often complain of difficulty with interpersonal relationships, problems at work or school, and legal problems. Additionally patients do complain of irritability and insomnia.
 
Signs of alcohol abuse are related to alcohol's effects on organ systems. However, while these findings are often present, they are not necessary to make a diagnosis of alcohol abuse. Signs of alcohol's effects on the central nervous system acutely include inebriation and poor judgment; chronic anxiety, irritability, and insomnia often feature. Alcohol's effects on the liver include elevated liver function tests (classically AST is at least twice as high as ALT). Prolonged use leads to cirrhosis and failure of the liver. With cirrhosis patients develop an inability to process hormones and toxins. The skin of a patient with alcoholic cirrhosis can feature cherry angiomas, palmar erythema and - in fulminent liver failure - jaundice and ascities. The derrangements of the endocrine system lead to gynecomastia. Inability to process toxins leads to hepatic encephalopathy.
 
Binge drinking is associated with individuals reporting fair to poor health compared to non-binge drinking individuals and which may progressively worsen over time. Binge drinking is associated with alcohol poisoning, unintentional injuries, suicide, hypertension, pancreatitis, sexually transmitted diseases, and meningitis, among other disorders. Other negative consequences include social costs (including interpersonal violence), drunk driving, and lost economic productivity. Impairments in neurophysiological and neurocognitive function can result from binge drinking. A substantial proportion of alcohol-related deaths are due to binge drinking."

I'm not telling you what to do as much as it may seem like it. You are free to make your own choices only be aware of the potential conseqeunces. The only way to change one's life, and it sounds like you want it to change, is to take action oneself. Sitting and wallowing and crying in your drink will get you nowhere different than where you are. That's an harsh truth but it's reality. But with the right treatment and help, especially if you're suffering from depression, your life could change considerably for the better.

I hope you don't hate me for telling you this but truth is, I like the others on here, care about you and hope you can get well. You seem like a decent good-hearted fellow and you deserve better for yourself than this.

[Criswell]

RC, I know that i'm going to just be repeating everything that's already being said, but I think you need to get some help. Don't feel ashamed about because your a good guy and don't deserve to feel like this.

[indianasmith]

Hey Ronnie - if you need an actual voice rather than letters on a screen, PM me your number and I'll give you a ring tomorrow.  I don't know that I can help, but I can listen and be there for you.

[Allhallowsday]

 

[RCMerchant]

You think its funny.
Of course you do.
Dick.

[Allhallowsday]

You think its funny.
Of course you do.
d**k.

You need to look at some of my other posts.  I can barely see, but, I can't sleep. 

[Allhallowsday]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be offensive, but I was laughing and was commiserating.  

Im losing it. I REALLY think Im going insane...I cant do it. I cant do it.

Edzactly.  Which is more precise than "exactly"!

 

[RCMerchant]

Yer still a dick. Rationalize it all you want. Yer a dick! I

[claws]

As far as profesional help...I been to rehab twice. Booze is not my problem.

You said many times that you are an alcoholic. Booze is part of your problem: Alcohol or drugs are often used to self-medicate the symptoms of depression or anxiety.
There ya go.

There isn't really much we can do on a internet forum except to encourage you to do the right thing. You don't wanna spend the next couple of years posting threads like this anymore. Get a grip on yourself and start your recovery. Like, yesterday.