Best ADHD strategies?

[AndyC]

I know from other threads there are a few folks on here with ADHD. I've only recently decided to get an assessment and formal diagnosis from a specialist, but I've suspected for a while, and have been prescribed medication for it.

However, I'm now seeing that medication does not fix everything on its own, and the more reading I do on the subject, the more I come to understand the scope of this disorder and its effects. That includes a lot of psychological baggage, and a host of attitudes, behaviors and assorted bad habits that come from a lifetime of working around a brain disorder nobody was aware of.

If there was any doubt that I have ADHD, it was wiped out this week, when I dug out all of my old report cards and read the comments. A common theme ran through 13 years, and was particularly strong in elementary school - smart kid who listens and contributes when the subject interests him, but always daydreaming, disruptive in class, always doing the least work in the least time, assignments are often late or not handed in, homework is almost never done. I didn't even remember most of that, and it kind of shocked me how bad it was. I'm sure if I had started school 15 years later, I'd have been diagnosed and treated early. At that time, all I got was comments that I needed to apply myself. As I was reading this stuff, I was first excited that it confirmed everything, then shocked and saddened, and finally very, very angry. I called my mom for her birthday this week, and it took a bit of willpower not to raise the subject, since I wanted very much to tear a strip off her for reading these comments year after year and never feeling a need to do anything about it.

I'm almost more forgiving of my Dad's "shape up or else" approach, possibly because I know how he was raised, I never saw him as particularly insightful, and I'm now convinced I inherited the ADHD from him. From his point of view, it was probably all perfectly normal.

The question I have right now is what some of you other ADDers do in your day-to-day lives to make sure the chores get done, important things are not forgotten, and your family doesn't want to kill you. Do you have any handy tools or strategies? How do you manage to stick with them?

[ulthar]

My answer?

Stop trying to put your "round self" into the "square peg" of social acceptance.

Forget those teacher's comments...of COURSE people are going to be more naturally 'engaged' when the subject interests them.  What kind of horse-snot nonsense were those report cards?  You unruly devil, you, with a creative and imaginative mind, and active intellect...how DARE you want to use it!  How DARE YOU!  I bet they put a good effort in trying to beat it right out of you, either literally or metaphorically via 'peer pressure.'

Find something(s) that interest you...and pursue it/them.  And don't look back.

Lack of stimulus is killing us as people in general and men in particular.   Without the day-to-day pressures to "just survive," our minds wander.  Too much of how we spend our days in 'civilized society' is the antithesis of how our brains and bodies are wired to function.

I'm not trying to be an ADHD denier; I know it's real.  I'm just saying to try to look at it from different angles, and I firmly believe that medication is NOT the answer in a huge number of cases.  I'm saying that I think it is a natural consequence (and one to be embraced) of trying to make INTELLIGENT people into something they are not...automaton robots who don't act.

[Flick James]

I agree, although not entirely, with ulthar. What I agree with primarily is the assumption of pharmaceutical need. However, keep in mind that this follows a particular agenda that I have concerning pharma treatment, so keep that in mind.

Andy, you are an adult, and therefore you can make the adult decision of drug treatment. If it helps, then do it. However, you also acknowledge that there are other things that need to happen, that medication does not fix the problem. Because you have made that deduction, I am not worried about you, and don't think that you are prone to developing a dependence on meds as a solution. This is, in my own opinion, a dangerous path that society is going down: a dependence on medication.

ADHD is certainly a real thing, but at the same time, you have made it this far working around it, just as people did before the invention of treatments and medications. We've all got baggage, my friend. I wouldn't worry too much about that. But you have something that you have identified and want help managing. More power to you.

I would seek the help of a professional, first off. If you would like to deal with this behaviorally, with little or no emphasis on medication, then make sure you avoid any professional that would endeavor to steer you down a path of chemical dependence. What you need is a holistic approach.

Finally, I'm not convinced that you have a "problem," at least based on what I've seen of your posts. You are far from disruptive in you behavior here. You seem like a genuinely sweet guy, funny, intelligent, measured in your responses, and mature. In other words, I don't see any indication in your written communication that demonstrates that you have a problem. I think that is important to consider before you go into a treatment plan. In other words, how much treatment do you really need?

[bob]

while I don't have ADHD I have ADD and usually my medication, when I can afford them, does the job usually

I've noticed over the years that things with caffine and sugar in them offset the meds, which is ironic because all my life my medications have made me sleepy as hell

also if you find yourself unable to control the urge to repeatedly count things, such as the number of dressers in a  room for example, you probably have it as I end up doing that repeatedly once my medication expires

[LilCerberus]

I have ADHD, Asperger's & disgraphia.
I've come to the conclusion, & not easily, that my rage about the past is justified, but it won't help when I should be focusing on the future.

Some twelve step groups that have helped are arts-anonymous, CODA, & emotions anonymous.
Recovery takes years, but you'll find you're not alone.
Take affirmations to heart. They sound corny at first, but as you discover how closely they apply to you, you will eventually realize that the derogatory things that have been drilled into your head sound every bit as corny.

If you haven't already, over time you will discover skills & talents in everything you enjoy, even the "stupid stuff" you like.
Society in general will try to dissuade or even prevent us from developing our skills & talents, as it typically subscribes to a set pattern for what is considered "development", whereas we ADDers tend to meander, tending to want to learn backwards at first, then filling in the gaps later as we realize the need to learn the more uninteresting stuff.

We're taught to see knowledge & learning as specific blocks to be stacked one on top of the other.
People acquire knowledge in an established pattern, & arrange it in a prescribed way.
this doesn't work for us.
I, however, prefer to see knowledge as more of a curio cabinet; We find a nick-nack of knowledge, & find a place somewhere in the curio to put it amongst the other doo-dads where we feel it fits best. Over time, it all comes together, and we have all the knowledge we want or need, & utilize it in a fashion suitable to ourselves.

Let's not forget Samuel Langely, whom, with a blank check from the government & the best minds of science at his right hand, was beaten to a dream by a pair of uneducated bicycle repairmen named Wilbur & Orville.

[AndyC]

I'm not really all that upset about the criticism from teachers. I'm mostly pleased that these report cards confirm that I've finally nailed down the problem I've been chasing for years. I was 99% sure before, but this has removed all doubt. And I'm encouraged by the knowledge that this is something I can learn to manage. The main reason I'm mad is that I've been pushing a boulder uphill for 40 years when I didn't need to. I think of how many all-nighters I've pulled, simply because I needed the pressure of a deadline looming over me to focus on my work. How many years I spent working 50 hours a week to do 40 hours of work. And that was when I was at my best. I can't remember the last free time I had that could be enjoyed without worrying about things I needed to do.

Without going into too much detail, I'm only seeking formal diagnosis and treatment because this is significantly impairing my ability to complete everyday chores as well as things I really want to do. It has become much more of a problem in recent years, as fatherhood and running a business have left little room to compensate, and it's very frustrating for me and my family.

Medication does help, but doesn't solve the problem. I've come to understand it's like getting a pair of glasses. The glasses will help you see the blackboard, but you still have to learn what's written on it. The drugs can level the playing field, but I still have to do the work.

What I'm looking for are just some tricks for managing time, staying organized and remembering things. Methods that take into account the way my brain works. I've tried lots of calendars and organizers and other stuff over the years, to the point where I'm doubtful that anything will work. You can have the greatest PDA in the world and it won't help if you constantly misplace it, forget to take it with you and eventually chuck it in a drawer. What I'm reading, however, is that organizational systems that work for most people do not necessarily work with ADHD, and I should not be discouraged. I just need a strategy that takes the ADHD into account.

I've read some helpful books, and I'm assuming when the testing is done, and I get started with the therapy and whatnot, I'll learn a lot more. But in the meantime, I'm looking around for any ideas I might try. Nothing fancy, just things that might help me get the laundry done, keep the wastebaskets from overflowing, etc. I'm reasonably happy with the way my brain works, but I'd like a little more control.

[macabre]

HI
I find it quite distressing that you have somehow been prescribed medication(presumably to combat the adhd) without having a formal assessment(how did that happen?)
People sometimes wish to have a label so that they can come to terms with their disabilities.I am not on here to upset or argue with anyone but your assumption that you have adhd based on your old school reports is grasping at straws.I have no doubt that you have something that you may feel is not quite the norm but please do not fall into the trap of allowing yourself to be self diagnosed with a disability just because you feel that there is a particular pattern forming,I have spent over 15yrs working with severely disabled children and i work very closely with all the parents of my children . I have children covering a varied spectrum of disabilities and i have always been an advocate for the correct education and medication of disabled people, however in my own personal experience specialists seem over eager to diagnose and hand out medication and remember any long term use of medication will have a significant effect on your overall health.My son is severely disabled and at times it seemed he was being used as a guinea pig.My best wishes in whatever you choose to do and just be yourself during your assessment and hopefully you will be correctly diagnosed.

[AndyC]

Oh, good grief. I never should have started this thread.

I've been prescribed medication at my request to treat what I always thought was depression. When a few different antidepressants didn't really help much (and possibly made things worse) over a period of five or six years, I asked to try a stimulant. It helped, but not completely. Choosing to read more about adult ADHD, I read what could have been descriptions of my adult life. I mean, so close it was spooky. I'd long ago managed to figure out where I was having a few specific troubles, and here I was reading symptoms described in virtually the same terms. So, I went to see my doctor and asked him to refer me to a specialist, so I could get a thorough assessment and the right treatment.

I based nothing on old report cards. I dug them out because I was asked for them. Reading them didn't give me any ideas I didn't already have. What they did tell me was the one thing I couldn't say for sure - that I have had the same problems consistently since kindergarten.

ADHD was actually something I'd never seriously considered until a year or two ago. This was because I had some misconceptions about ADHD (as many people do), and the disorder as I understood it did not fit what I was experiencing. When I did some homework and got the correct information, it fit perfectly.

Now, if everyone will stop assuming I'm an idiot, that they know what I'm experiencing based on what I write here, or that I have reached this point without years of reading, consultation, trial and error, frustration and careful consideration, I'd like to talk about strategies for remembering and organizing and managing time. Regardless of labels, these are things I struggle with daily, and I would find any suggestions very helpful. If all I'm going to get is people jumping to conclusions or grinding personal axes about broader issues, I can just kill this thread right now, and we'll forget the whole thing.

I just thought, since members of this board have had their own personal struggles, I might find some practical advice, and maybe some support that does not try to dismiss what I'm experiencing.

[Flick James]

Andy,

I sure hope you realize that those who have posted genuinely want to help. As much as I regard this little online community, I will be the first to say that any advice you receive here should be taken dubiously regarding a matter such as this. This would include my own.

[AndyC]

That's all right. I just didn't expect to be defending my symptoms, the difficulty they've been causing or the way my doctor and I have handled them thus far.

Maybe I'm not prepared for the reactions people have when you mention something like ADHD. I think it's had similar PR problems to what AIDS had in the 80s. At one time, AIDS was widely considered to be a disease of promiscuous gay guys, and that brought in all kinds of other issues and opinions and emotions to colour the way people thought about that illness. ADHD has the association with unruly little boys, and is often dismissed as an excuse for bad parenting, whether the assumption is that parents are dodging responsibility for not disciplining their little brats, or that they're just lazy and want to use drugs to control kids who are just being kids. Go back 15 years or so, I'd have been spouting the same sorts of things. Hell, go back even two years and I'd have a lot of incorrect and incomplete information. And ADHD has the added problem that everyone occasionally loses things, zones out or forgets things, so they think there is nothing special about the symptoms. This is seriously a disorder in need of an awareness campaign. People should learn what it really is, who it affects, how it affects them, what the medication does and does not do, the difference between ADHD and an occasional brain fart, etc. People should know about the history, the thousands of studies, and that what we have come to call ADHD is nothing new, but is something that is only now becoming well understood. It is more complex than most people think, and much more than a kid's problem. It's most obvious in unruly little boys, but it affects both genders and it is a lifelong condition.

[Trevor]

All the best, Andy. 

I have a touch of ADHD and it usually manifests itself when I'm working against the clock and I have a lot to do. I then try and do everything at once, going from one thing to another until I eventually get nothing done. My strategy then is to lock myself in one room and put the keys in my pocket and then forced myself to concentrate on what I can do there, finish everything and then move on to the next place: same procedure. That method works well and I end up being satisfied and things get done.

Most of the time, I don't have this hassle and I can cope. 

[macabre]

HI
I owe you an apology Andy.I mentioned i am not on here to upset or argue with anyone i have clearly upset you and you have my sincerest apology.I can assure you i know only to well the effects ADHD has on the individual and the people close to the individual.I work with several children with associated ADHD. I will say this that through my experience ADHD is not a singular condition and perhaps you have other associated symptons. I will try and give you any personal advice you may want and if you do so i will gladly answer you via pm.You may not have noticed but i have not had the opportunity to visit this site as often as i used to this is due to my wife's relapse but i shall try and help you in any way you desire, once again sorry for upsetting you.....

[AndyC]

Thanks Trevor. I usually find being under the gun helps me work, but it takes a lot out of me. That was why I could be successful as a newspaper reporter. I had the same deadline every week, and everything had to be done or else. Of course, most of the week's work would be done in two or three days, all of the writing would be done in one marathon session, and things like photo captions would be written directly on the page.

Last night is a fine example of my difficulty. I had some printing and photocopying to do for a customer that was going to be picked up at 9 this morning. It's something that comes around the same time every month, and it's an easy hundred bucks. The files came to me the middle of last week. I spent every day until yesterday thinking I should get around to doing it. Yesterday evening, I finally started, but then read some email, surfed around and watched a documentary on the Apollo program on my monitor. Around midnight, I finally made myself do the job, and finished around 1:30 in the morning. I almost ran out of toner, which would have screwed me big time, but I squeezed out the rest of the copies by shaking the cartridge periodically. Then I spent about another 45 minutes composing the thoughtful post you see above before deciding I really needed to get to bed. Then I came up from the basement, and remembered I still needed to feed the dogs and let them out. I got to sleep shortly after 3am, knowing full well I would be up again in four hours, which I was. All of the stress and inconvenience and loss of sleep was totally unnecessary, I knew all along what I should be doing and when I should be doing it, but I always tend to fall into this same pattern despite my best intentions.

[AndyC]

HI
I owe you an apology Andy.I mentioned i am not on here to upset or argue with anyone i have clearly upset you and you have my sincerest apology.I can assure you i know only to well the effects ADHD has on the individual and the people close to the individual.I work with several children with associated ADHD. I will say this that through my experience ADHD is not a singular condition and perhaps you have other associated symptons. I will try and give you any personal advice you may want and if you do so i will gladly answer you via pm.You may not have noticed but i have not had the opportunity to visit this site as often as i used to this is due to my wife's relapse but i shall try and help you in any way you desire, once again sorry for upsetting you.....

That's OK. I'm a little frustrated and touchy these days. I do know that ADHD is a syndrome with, I believe, 18 possible symptoms that can vary. I lean more toward inattentiveness, but I do have some impulsive tendencies. I don't consider self-tests to be a substitute for real diagnosis, but I have scored pretty high on any I've done. This is why I'm going to a specialist - to get a precise evaluation of my symptoms by an expert. And if it turns out to be something else that does a good imitation of ADHD, I'll find that out and get appropriate treatment for it. I've just figured out that I've achieved about all the results I can by working with my GP, and it isn't enough. I've wanted to avoid any lengthy process of therapy, but I can see now there are issues that medication won't fix on its own. This is not purely a physical problem, but rather has a significant psychological component as well.

[Javakoala]

Andy, I'm exactly where you are, and, my brother, I don't want to scare you, but I pray you find a support group or an ADHD coach that you can afford. I can't seem to locate a local support group, and I know I can't afford a coach. When I attempt to explain the difficulties of ADHD, they seem to think that the fact I'm on medication means I'm "normal" and what the hell is my problem? 45 years of living your life one way and crafting your brain to function a certain way--that's what the hell my problem is. Yes, I can focus now, and I don't cross up my letters when I'm typing, and I can remember what someone told me beyond an hour.

I don't know how to keep from losing 15 minutes while getting ready for work in the morning when all I remember doing was brushing my teeth. I don't know how to get myself on task even when I know I have to. My job is time dependent, as in I am allowed less than a minute of after-call work. Half of the time, I can't even pull my head out of the call even though the Veteran isn't there because I'm running through a list of things I wanted to cover with him/her and did I touch on all of them, or I'm second-guessing the information I gave or I can't help but wonder what is going to happen to that person if the situation was crappy. And I need to drink something because my throat is dry, and MY GOD, why is it so damn noisy in here? Why the hell is there dust in my keyboard? I just used the compressed  air spray on it. Holy crap! I've been in after-call work for three minutes!!! Needless to say (almost), I am constantly paranoid about losing my job because of this. And I don't WANT to do this crap, but that's what my brain does, even with medication.

Add to that the fact that balancing the ADD chemical (primarily dopemine) brought out a recessive disorder--OCD!! And that led to a huge block of months that I thought I was literally losing my mind and wanted more often than not to just stop living. Not suicidal, just stop being alive. Finally, got diagnosed for it and the treatment also worked on the clinical depression I was also suffering.

So, fine. I'm on an even plain. While I was having the wild swings of depression, I quit going anywhere for fear of having an attack in public. All the "friends" I had in this town never questioned my sudden vanishing, never contacted me, and when I attempted to reconnect, it was incredibly cold, like I was a burden. My little apartment is a monument to stacking. Things get stacked and not put away. But when something gets set down, I tell myself, "I'll get back to that, right after I do this." Two weeks later, it is still in the same spot...2 months...six months, the same damn thing. I'm ashamed to have anyone over, so I don't even attempt to talk to anyone or develop friendships.

I keep thinking, if I can only get the table cleared off, I'd be motivated to do the rest. As soon as the phrase "the rest" hits my brain, it's like someone popping my balloon of conviction, so I just collapse on the couch and ignore it all. Again.

I've had people say, "Quit taking the meds. You were happier before." Walking around feeling like an outcast because you can't control your mouth or your hands, or walking around feeling like a moron because you have all these thoughts in your head but you can't seem to get the right words out of your mouth and you forget the simplest things that you've done before or you screw up something a chimp can do, or walking around wondering if you really are that cold, unfeeling jackass people tell you are because you can't stay zoned into the conversation...oh, yeah, I was a bundle of friggin joy before the meds.

I don't have any answers, Andy. God, I wish I did. But you are not alone. And, trust me, if I find anything that works, I'll let you know. Until then, hang in there. And hang on to your family. They can make getting through the day so much easier. Not having one just...sucks.