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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  A.J. Bauer Reviews - Nutcracker [not] in 3D! « previous next »
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Author Topic: A.J. Bauer Reviews - Nutcracker [not] in 3D!  (Read 2783 times)
A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« on: January 08, 2012, 07:59:21 PM »

At 8:00 PM (CST) I will begin my riff on the 2010 Christmas box office catastrophe "The Nutcracker in 3D". Obviously my copy won't have the actual 3D but I don't feel like giving myself a headache. Why was this film considered so bad? Well keep in mind that I haven't watched it before tonight, so I'll have no clue until the review begins. After the embarrassment of Rats: Night of Terror I watched a few excerpts from this movie to make sure that it didn't have any weird issues. Everything seems to be in order. I'll see you guys in an hour.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2012, 09:00:05 PM »

IT'S SHOW TIME!
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2012, 09:01:44 PM »

1:00 - The Nutcracker the Untold Story? They advertised it as Nutcracker 3D what's this subtitle about?
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2012, 09:03:33 PM »

2:43 - Erm... I think this kid needs help. Please tell me he doesn't play with anthills and magnifying glasses.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2012, 09:05:37 PM »

4:50 - Uhg. Inattentive parent that won't pay attention to their children. Welcome to the '90s.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2012, 09:06:20 PM »

5:40 - That is the most stereotypical German doctor I've ever seen. Not offensive at all.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2012, 09:08:20 PM »

7:50 - He said a STORY! Of course it's made up you little... Grr..
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2012, 09:09:10 PM »

8:30 - Gee whiz, I wonder if the dolls will become real characters relevant to the plot when the initial incident occurs.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2012, 09:09:54 PM »

9:13 - "I call him NC for short."

...Nostalgia Critic?
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2012, 09:11:36 PM »

10:20 - DUMMY! You don't actually crack nuts with the Nutcracker... Which will always bother me.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2012, 09:12:26 PM »

11:30 - That thing is disturbing. It peers into my soul without remorse. It will haunt my nightmares.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2012, 09:13:32 PM »

12:07 - Oh dear god... Offensive doctor stereotype with a theory called "Relativity", I bet they thought they were being subtle and witty.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2012, 09:20:35 PM »

15:00 - That thing just got creepier. By this point I would have popped it's f**king head off and thrown holy water at it.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2012, 09:23:29 PM »

17:30 - Spontaneous combustion? She believes this? Dear god.
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A.J. Bauer
A German Expressionist and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 173
Posts: 2418



« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2012, 09:24:33 PM »

Please, please, please, please tell me the Nutcracker doesn't ALWAYS sound like that.
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