Self Hatred

[RCMerchant]

I've had moments of self-doubt and self-depracation, sure. Who hasn't?

I've never hated myself.

I direct my rage at others. I just don't act on it.

I do. In the form of alcholism and destruction of public property.

[Allhallowsday]

I've had moments of self-doubt and self-depracation, sure. Who hasn't?

I've never hated myself.

I direct my rage at others. I just don't act on it.

I do. In the form of alcholism and destruction of public property.

As in de-crap-a-tation.    

Watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftiIPJky_Vs
	Small | Large

[Pilgermann]

I despise myself on a fairly regular basis.  I do well most days, though.

[Jim H]

I don't know about hating myself.  That's not really the right term.  But there have been times I've thought myself so worthless, and felt my hopes and dreams were so far beyond my grasp, that death might be a preferable option to life. 

[Jack]

I suppose I've hated myself for brief moments here and there, but that's about it. 

Didn't you say you had some anxiety or depression disorder RC?  I still say you should go to your doctor and tell him what side effects you were having from the medication.  There are a ton of different brands of those medications on the market, and you have to find one that matches well with your particular brain chemistry.

I'm on Lexapro for my anxiety disorder and it works great for me.  I switched to some other brand, Cito-something-or-other (it was 90% cheaper), and that s*** made me depressed and I had a lot of trouble concentrating.  Switched back to the Lexapro and now I'm fine again.  Your brain chemistry is some important stuff ya know?   It has a gigantic effect on your quality of life.

[Newt]

I think most of us likely have seen/felt ourselves to be a waste of skin from time to time; if only momentarily.  But I also think that being able and inclined to take hard looks at ourselves can be what makes us better persons, in the end.  If we don't get stuck there, that is.  IMO people who never experience self-doubt or extreme disappointment in themselves, even for just a fleeting moment, have other limitations to their development which may be much harder to overcome.  But I may be biased in that.

[tracy]

My favorite movie is probably HANNAH AND HER SISTERS.  I love everything about it... the music (HARRY JAMES!!) even MIA FARROW as the title character (thankfully, really, a small part).  BARBARA HERSHEY is so great and hot and has an affair with MICHAEL CAINE while she's living with MAX VON SYDOW ... her other sister is DIANE WIEST... a love letter to Manhattan...

A wonderful movie indeed.
As for myself,I've never really hated myself but on occassion thought of myself as a real putz.

[major jay]

I'm comfortable with who I am (warts and all). When I was younger, not as much.
It seems the older I get the more I like my quirks (instead of loathing them).

[alandhopewell]

Self Hatred.
Have you ever hated yourself so much you wish you were dead?
I mean=so bad that it doesnt even seem worth it to .....ahhhh....f**k.
Things should be ok. But.....DAMMIT! They never are. God dam.

That's right.  That's why we like ELVIS or HANK WILLIAMS or Fred Mertz    They're brilliant and mesmerizing and funny! 
Life can be pretty sukass, but it's better than the alternative. 
You need to get over your prejudice and watch one or two WOODY ALLEN movies.  One might joke that ALL his movies are about God, mortality, and our pathetic questioning. 

I would rather stick hot needles in my eyes than watch a Woody Allen movie. 
You always know how to make me laff,buddy! 

OK-I'm better now=

Sometimes I get so depressed I just wish I was dead.
A nd then I come on this site-read Trevor or Hallows posts-and...dam...all of you guys stuff.
I dont feel so alone.
I really love you guys.

     I've been there, still have the tendency to go there sometimes, but then I remember, the God of the universe loved me enough to die for me; who am I to question His judgement?

     (P.S. He died for you, as well.)

[lester1/2jr]

truth and mercy are two sides of the same coin.

[HappyGilmore]

Dunno if I'd say I outright 'hate' myself, but having done some of the sh!t I've done to myself over the years were just destructive. Seemed like a cry for help.

Fact I didn't die is mind boggling.

[Flick James]

If this comes across as harsh, naive, or unsympathetic, so be it. I assure you I am plenty sympathetic.

I can't stress enough how important it is NOT to hate yourself. I'm not talking about self-doubt, moments of frailty or insecurity, or chastising yourself a little bit for doing something stupid. That is perfectly natural and probably pretty healthy. But all this talk of self hatred. Maybe I'm misinterpreting.

Self hatred is essentialy lack of self-esteem. People with low self-esteem are the easy marks of the world. They are the people that get preyed upon by the villains in life who look for such things. Anybody who lives with something as dark as self hatred invariably lives a life not of misfortune, but of being taken advantage of, bullied, manipulated, and generally victimized. Self hatred/low self-esteem is the magnetizing force that attracts con-artists and serial killers. John Douglas, who pioneered criminal profiling for the FBI, and whom the character Jack Crawford from The Silence of the Lambs was based upon, learned this almost immediately when he started to really probe into the minds of serial killers and rapists. They are predators who instinctively know when a person has low self-esteem. It is what they look for. Because of this, self-hating individuals will forever be victims of those who endeavor to take advantage of it. It is a stinky cologne.

I imagine that stopping self-hatred is an extremely difficult thing to do. And to make matters worse, life is not suddenly going to turn into butterflys and rainbows if you stop hating yourself. It will continue to suck on multiple levels. Hell, I don't hate myself and I've got plenty of s**t in life to contend with. But the less of a victim you are, the less your life sucks.

Are some more predisposed to self-hatred than others? Probably. I happen to believe that nature and nurture are both at work in the world, and may even be on fairly equal terms. Be that as it may, we are not born hating ourselves.

Anyway, there's my attempt at a public service announcement, I guess. I don't doubt some will think I'm full of s**t. That's fine too. But one thing's for sure, I won't hate myself over it.

[Jim H]

That's very true, James.  Reminds me of a lot of the girls I knew in high school, most of whom dated considerably older men in their 20s.  Most of them obviously had low self-image, and were consistently victimized by men because of it.

I think several of the people in this thread have just hated themselves at times, and do not necessarily lead an entire life of self-loathing.  I know I don't.  I may not take a great deal of pride in my awesomeness, but I don't think I'm entirely scum either.

I do think some dislike of the things you've done in the past or how you act can be healthy, as you say.  So, to that regard, how about we turn this purely self-hate thread into something just a bit more positive?  Maybe a flip side to what it is you hate about yourself.

For example, I hate my inability to properly form interpersonal connections.  Not that I can't at all, just that it's very difficult for me.  It's frustrating, something I can't seem to improve much upon, and has limited me in both social and professional senses.

But, on the flip side, this has led me to greatly value the social connections I do have.  I think that's a good thing, as I value my friends and family very highly, and almost always try to treat them very well.  People who don't properly maintain relationships with friends and families bother me.  It's like spitting upon a gift, the best one you'll ever get.

[Flick James]

That's very true, James.  Reminds me of a lot of the girls I knew in high school, most of whom dated considerably older men in their 20s.  Most of them obviously had low self-image, and were consistently victimized by men because of it.

I think several of the people in this thread have just hated themselves at times, and do not necessarily lead an entire life of self-loathing.  I know I don't.  I may not take a great deal of pride in my awesomeness, but I don't think I'm entirely scum either.

I do think some dislike of the things you've done in the past or how you act can be healthy, as you say.  So, to that regard, how about we turn this purely self-hate thread into something just a bit more positive?  Maybe a flip side to what it is you hate about yourself.

For example, I hate my inability to properly form interpersonal connections.  Not that I can't at all, just that it's very difficult for me.  It's frustrating, something I can't seem to improve much upon, and has limited me in both social and professional senses.

But, on the flip side, this has led me to greatly value the social connections I do have.  I think that's a good thing, as I value my friends and family very highly, and almost always try to treat them very well.  People who don't properly maintain relationships with friends and families bother me.  It's like spitting upon a gift, the best one you'll ever get.

We probably have a good deal in common socially then, Jim. I am far from a social butterfly. In fact, I have a very hard time concentrating on more than a handful of personal relationships at a time. Because I have a wife and two boys, and a daughter on the way, it is extremely challenging for me to have any friendships outside of that, simply because it takes every ounce of my social capacity to manage that. I think what we're talking about here is simply knowing our limitations and having whatever frustrations about it that we do. Semantics, perhaps, but I don't think of it as self-hate, simply frustration over a greater capacity we wish we had.

I struggle with remembering people, names, etc. Kilgore Trout, a central character in Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions and secondary character in some of his others, suffers from a more extreme case of what I have. When I read the book, I was immediately moved because I suffer from a similar affliction. Kilgore could not remember people unless there was something strikingly unusual about them, and then of course that person was indelibly etched into his brain. In the book, he meets a shoe repairman who is a redheaded cockney midget, and because this is so strikingly unusual, he remembers everything about him, name and all, even though they have no close relationship. But if he meets anybody else and they say "my name is Frank," he will forget their name almost as soon as the interaction is over.

I'm kind of like that, but in a less intense way. My relationships follow the same vain. I have intense relationships with a small number of people. I'm sure I could train myself to develop my social acumen, but so far in life I've not really had to. Now that I'm finishing my MBA, and will probably need to step up my social game, I'm sure I'll manage it. I'm the kind of guy that many times has to experience necessity in order to take the time to learn a new skill. If I have to do it, I'll do it. Necessity is the mother of invention, they say. In my case it's more like the necessity of learning.

Anyway, we all have limitations. We all wish we were better at this or that, or had made a better decision about this or that. That's just life. There's no need to hold a grudge against yourself for what God gave you (or Creator, or Universe, or whatever you believe in), or for what you could have done better in the past.

[El Misfit]

Do you mean you would kick yer self in the balls to hate yourself for having a split personality? Yeah, I do have a split ego, and it's a female   It comes and goes but damn do I get depressed and mad since it's something I can't control. Impulses is half correct- I would ride my bike and see something then she would cloud my mind and wants me to buy it.