I HATE THIS CRAP!

[Flick James]

So, there’s this young lady at my place of work. She’s kind of cute, and I won’t lie, I’ve glanced at her a few times in passing. But it is certainly far from anything overt. There are lots of attractive women at my place of work and I have glanced at every one of them. I am happily married and have always been a one-woman man, but hey, I’m a man and we do glance at attractive women once in a while.

Anyway, a few days ago I was standing by her cubicle talking business with somebody else, she walked into her cubicle, and I had noticed she was wearing a Kasas State Jayhawkers t-shirt (it was casual Friday). I’m from Kansas, so I asked her “are you from Kansas?” I was just making small talk because I’m from Kansas and recognized the mascot. She made a quick remark that her husband is from Kansas and so of course she’s a fan of the Jayhawkers by association, but she had that weird uncomfortable vibe like she was trying to make sure I understood that she was married and leave her alone.

So I don’t make much of it, I just went about my business and walked away. Earlier today a coworker who sits near her came by and told me that she was saying that I made her uncomfortable or something along those lines.

That kind of thing really bothers me. At no point in any interaction with her have I ever made any inappropriate comment. I also don’t make inappropriate comments of a sexual nature in general, even though I work in an environment that is pretty loose in that regard, so I can’t imagine she overheard something I’ve ever said that creeped her out in any way. Did I ever glance at her in a way that made her uncomfortable? That’s about the only thing I can imagine, otherwise I have to conclude that she just has issues with men talking to her in general and not take it personal. However, I have to wonder why she would comment about it to somebody else. That kind of thing makes me nervous because we live in a culture where people can just make a call to HR about virtually anything and really screw with a person’s career, or even a person’s marriage. My wife and I are very honest with one another, but still, I REALLY hate being in that position, especially when I have done nothing inappropriate nor would I. Now I feel uncomfortable and like I have to avoid all eye contact with her and never speak to her again.

Grrrrrrr. 

[Cthulhu]

Stupid people will be stupid.
If she's too self absorbed to notice that not everything is about her, that's her problem.

[Chainsawmidget]

Sounds like she's a bit high strung and self absorbed.  Ignore her. 

Also, you might want to take down all those pictures of her you've tacked up in your cubicle or at least stop licking them when other people can see you.   

[Flick James]

Well, sure, if she does nothing but make a comment to her coworker then I really couldn't care less. What bothers me about it is the reminder that nobody really needs a reason to f**k with anybody anymore. They just pick up the phone and call HR and my life is a b***h for no good reason. Sure she would have a baseless complaint, but that wouldn't stop her from fabricating something and making things unpleasant. I'm probably being paranoid, it's just something that irks me.

[bob]

you could report her to HR

[ulthar]

you could report her to HR

That's actually what I was thinking.  Well, not "report her" exactly, but report the incident.

File a memorandum that you heard a RUMOR that someone was feeling uncomfortable (because you actually don't really know she said this...it's hearsay), don't use her name if you don't want (act like you are protecting the rumor-ee), but get it on the record that you heard this office tripe and don't know of any factual basis for why someone would feel uncomfortable around you.

These kinds of things almost always come down to "documentation."  If you give HR dates and specifics, you will have more "in your corner" than some nebulous claims that cannot be substantiated anyway.  What does it take to make someone uncomfortable?  You sneezed too loudly that one time?  Good grief.

Or, ignore it.  There's a very good chance there's nothing to it.  As I said, you don't even really know she said anything, and the person that told you she did could just be trying to stir things up.

I hate office politics...

[FatFreddysCat]

Stuff like this is why I'm glad I work in a small office where everyone already knows I hate them.

[Derf]

So, there’s this young lady at my place of work. She’s kind of cute, and I won’t lie, I’ve glanced at her a few times in passing. But it is certainly far from anything overt. There are lots of attractive women at my place of work and I have glanced at every one of them. I am happily married and have always been a one-woman man, but hey, I’m a man and we do glance at attractive women once in a while.

Anyway, a few days ago I was standing by her cubicle talking business with somebody else, she walked into her cubicle, and I had noticed she was wearing a Kasas State Jayhawkers t-shirt (it was casual Friday). I’m from Kansas, so I asked her “are you from Kansas?” I was just making small talk because I’m from Kansas and recognized the mascot. She made a quick remark that her husband is from Kansas and so of course she’s a fan of the Jayhawkers by association, but she had that weird uncomfortable vibe like she was trying to make sure I understood that she was married and leave her alone.

All else aside, the Kansas State mascot is the Wildcat. Kansas University sports the Jayhawks. And as a K-State alumnus, I find your post offensive and have reported you to human resources. 

[El Misfit]

Because ladies like these:
http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/3022520_700b.jpg
Though I know that not allwomen are like this, i.e. Newt

[Criswell]

Some women just like to act like a b***h, but whatever. At least not all of them do.

[Trevor]

Also, you might want to take down all those pictures of her you've tacked up in your cubicle or at least stop licking them when other people can see you.   

 

Flick, I can only sympathize with you.

A colleague told me last year that quite a few co-workers in two other sections in my dept. find me a bit too intense, a little bit scary and they never quite know quite how to take me so they avoid me entirely ~ my eyes are also apparently a little frightening too. 

My usual answer to that is see me with children in general and how I treat and react to them and you'll see how I am really. It is a little comforting to know that I can sometimes scare the seven colors of crap out of people and don't intend to. 

[AndyC]

True, Trevor. I can make people uncomfortable too. I've been told I have an intimidating physical presence. And I can come of as gruff, grouchy, aloof, and I apparently sometimes ignore people when they talk to me. It's really a combination of ADHD and social anxiety, but only people who know me well would know that. I was once accidentally copied in on an email between two co-workers that included a question to the effect of "what's up with that guy?" So I responded with a straightforward explanation and thanked her for giving me an opportunity I don't often get (she felt awful ). I've always found that being completely up-front with that stuff, and kind of making a running joke out of it, I can get away with an awful lot socially. There's always somebody to say "That's just Andy; he's really a big p***ycat."

Although I have run into nuts who will make something out of everything. Pay attention to them, they get uncomfortable. Express a concern to them and you're on their case. Give them a wide berth, they think you have a grudge against them. As others have said, they think everything is about them. You can't win with some people.

[Jack]

You just never know with nonsense like that.  Years ago somebody who works in our shop filed a sexual harassment claim (over a year after she got laid off) because everyone had been using obscene language around her.  As everyone who worked with her knew, she was just as obscene as anyone else.  The end result was a bunch of money spent on lawyers and a nightshift supervisor who will never hire another female ever again.

[Trevor]

So, there’s this young lady at my place of work. She’s kind of cute, and I won’t lie, I’ve glanced at her a few times in passing. But it is certainly far from anything overt. There are lots of attractive women at my place of work and I have glanced at every one of them. I am happily married and have always been a one-woman man, but hey, I’m a man and we do glance at attractive women once in a while.

Anyway, a few days ago I was standing by her cubicle talking business with somebody else, she walked into her cubicle, and I had noticed she was wearing a Kasas State Jayhawkers t-shirt (it was casual Friday). I’m from Kansas, so I asked her “are you from Kansas?” I was just making small talk because I’m from Kansas and recognized the mascot. She made a quick remark that her husband is from Kansas and so of course she’s a fan of the Jayhawkers by association, but she had that weird uncomfortable vibe like she was trying to make sure I understood that she was married and leave her alone.

All else aside, the Kansas State mascot is the Wildcat. Kansas University sports the Jayhawks. And as a K-State alumnus, I find your post offensive and have reported you to human resources. 

 

[Saucerman]

I feel your pain, man.  At my last job (which I eventually quit due to being just constantly screwed out of promotions over and over and over again), two crabby old ladies started a rumor going around that the reason I'm so nice, friendly and helpful to everyone around me is because I'm kept constantly doped up on anti-psychotics after trying to murder a woman.