Let's Talk About Some Really Bad Movies Here!!!

[indianasmith]

I love off topic discussions.  Religion, politics, current events, philosophy - you name it, I love to bat it around.  And, frankly, I would rather bat them around with you guys than with anybody I know, cause y'all are awesome like that.
BUT, that's not what this board is about, and I have been a bit TOO off-topic of late.  I can't promise to reform completely - I'm too far gone for that - but, by way of atonement for my recent topical wanderings, I devote this thread to your most recent REALLY BAD movie viewings.  Don't put it here if it's good!  This is a thread for cheap, stupid, low budget, steaming shovels of cinematic poop!

And guess what - I've seen two this week!

First off, there was TRIPPIN'! (2011)

It was a low budget but fun stoner/horror/comedy flick.  Three couples take off for a cabin in the woods where a famous hunter and suspected psycho killer once lived, and a bunch of bad stuff happens to them.  But is the psycho killing them?  Are they dying of their own sheer stupidity?  Or is it a chain reaction of terrible accidents taking them out one by one?  Since the only survivor doesn't really REMEMBER all the details - he was ingesting WAY too many illegal chemicals at the time - he assures us in the opening clip that "This is SORTA what happened."  And we have bear traps, drugs, boobs, a seriously annhilated frog, car trouble, makeout scenes, a nail thru the back of the head, tanned and mounted human hides, and some major league suicides.  An excellent slice of low budget cheese, ripe, firm and full-bodied!

Then I watched HELL'S LABYRINTH last night.
A girl is driving through the lonely woods, running from her abusive ex, and has car trouble.  Creepy guy in truck offers to help, and when she turns him down, he bashes her in the head with a shovel.  She comes to inside a labyrinth with about 12 other people, and they are hunted down by demonic creatures that looks cheesier than some of the monsters in OBLIVION (the RPC game, not the movie).  People die, the gore is very faked, there's a random naked chick, more monsters, more people die, and  .  . . well, this one  is a stinker.  Video cheese, overripe, left out in the sun, with a touch of mold on it.

Tonight's video choice . . . SUPERSHARK!

Now, tell me what awfulness you've seen lately!

[Chainsawmidget]

Then I watched HELL'S LABYRINTH last night.
A girl is driving through the lonely woods, running from her abusive ex, and has car trouble.  Creepy guy in truck offers to help, and when she turns him down, he bashes her in the head with a shovel.  She comes to inside a labyrinth with about 12 other people, and they are hunted down by demonic creatures that looks cheesier than some of the monsters in OBLIVION (the RPC game, not the movie).  People die, the gore is very faked, there's a random naked chick, more monsters, more people die, and  .  . . well, this one  is a stinker.  Video cheese, overripe, left out in the sun, with a touch of mold on it.

Sounds somewhat interesting.  Is it a bad bad movie or good bad movie? 

[bob]

I got 2 "good" bad movies I watched recently as well as one of the worst things I've ever seen.

I caught The Adjustment Bureau (2011) a few weeks back and frankly I thought it was incredibly stupid and insulting to my intelligence. A complete waste of Matt Damon's talent in that.

1/5

Saw 3d or Saw: The Final Chapter (2010) it's known as both  

0/5 for giving away the ending of the movie literally during the opening credits  

And late last month I conquered Uwe Boll's House of the Dead (2003).  There are random insertations of footage of the video game on which this movie is based. The acting is awful. There is extensive slow-motion fighting which looks awful. House of the Dead raises questions which never get answered throughout.

I constantly found myself saying "Wait, what?" while watching this.

By any standards it's one of the worst movies ever made, and not in a good Troll 2 sort of way.

0/5  

[indianasmith]

I would say that HELL'S LABYRINTH falls into the "so bad it's kinda fun" category, but only barely.  TRIPPIN' was better in that regard - it never made the mistake of taking itself seriously.

SUPERSHARK was pure cheese through and through.  Never a word of explanation as to why the shark was bulletproof or why it could come on land.  And hey, it had John Schneider and J.J. Wilson in it!

[Menard]

I got 2 "good" bad movies I watched recently as well as one of the worst things I've ever seen.

This is a test...uh...right?

I can't tell from your ratings or reviews which are suppose to be "good" bad movies.

[Menard]

Just a few quick reviews, more comments, about some movies I've seen over the past 2 or 3 months.

These are several disaster movies I'm writing short reviews about, as I got a 12 pack of made for SyFy Channel grade disaster movies, mostly, on DVD. It was pretty cheap, and for that price, I think it was like $7.50 at the time, I'm not complaining too loudly.


Nature Unleashed: Avalanche (2004) - An entertaining enough film, for me. It's a story we've seen before where the threat of avalanche is becoming more real due to some geological anomaly rearing its head just as a mountainside winter resort is about to open. Filled with CGI effects, it's still not that bad of effects, especially if you consider that the movie Avalanche (1978) used special effects for the Avalanche, and considering it was 1978, didn't look as good as these do. Even though this is predictable, I still found it enjoyable.


Nature Unleashed: Fire (2004) - A group of dirt bikers and a forest ranger are trying to get an injured dirt biker out of the forest as fires start breaking out, blocking their potential escape routes. It's a mix of disaster movie with stunt bike riding. The pace is better than the above mentioned Avalanche, the effects work well with a mix of CGI effects and actual fires on a small scale giving an effective representation of the bikers riding through fires. Tension is maintained almost from the start, and the characters kind of grow on you.


30,000 Leagues Under the Sea (2007) - A navy rescue crew with a special device that can dynamically separate oxygen from water, therefore creating a bubble underwater in which people can breathe, is sent to perform a rescue operation on a submarine...that was attacked by a giant squid! Where there are submarines and giant squids...yes...Capt. Nemo must be close at hand. Ah, but Nemo is interested in their device, as he has plans for it.

This is essentially an extreme dramatic license on 20,000 Leagues, and not a sequel. And it only gets dumber from there...and the presence of Lorenzo Lamas does not change that.

It's a The Asylum produce movie, and even for them this is taking things to a new low...and I don't mean the ocean floor.

What is a literate person's worst nightmare, may be your, as a bad movie lover, dream come true. The story advances well enough, and there is a plot, but art direction went to hell, and things such as Capt. Nemo, who has sworn off the air breathers' world, pointing out on a map where they are located in the ocean, just a little to the left of the upc symbol on the map.

Things get even worse from there with this huge submarine they are on made out of the finest, thickest steel that Pittsburgh can provide in some the finest warehouses they obviously used for sets. Forget about wondering how this thing could possible float....you might be laughing too hard to concentrate on that.

Like I said, this is a bad movie, even by The Asylum standards. It has an entertaining story, of sorts, interrupted by "oh geez" and "you've got to be kidding" moments. Enjoy!

[bob]

I got 2 "good" bad movies I watched recently as well as one of the worst things I've ever seen.

This is a test...uh...right?

I can't tell from your ratings or reviews which are suppose to be "good" bad movies.

supposedly good movies

[Saucerman]

I watched 1997's ABERRATION yesterday...New Zealand-lensed film about a woman who returns to her old family cabin, which turns out to be infested with rapidly-mutating lizards.  How rapidly-mutating? There's a scene where she tries to drown one in the fish tank and after a brief struggle, it just starts leisurely breathing water.  Then of course there's the reason she's at the cabin in the first place...she stole a bag of money from the Russian mafia and needs a place to hide out! Complete stinker, and the middle third of the film is nothing but jump scares -- the girl opens the closet and freaks out when she sees a coat hanger, opening fire into the closet, her goofy biologist friend panics and fires the shotgun eight times when a tree branch crashes through the window during a storm, etc. 

After that I checked out 2007's SOMETHING BENEATH...Kevin Sorbo is an environmentalist priest (!) attending an eco-conference at a newly constructed conference center/hotel.  A strange black slime is oozing through the pipes, and anyone who comes in contact with the slime starts hallucinating their worst fears until it in some way manages to kill them.  An obnoxious socialite hallucinates herself aging rapidly, attacks her mirror, broken glass slits her wrists, while the hotel manager's paranoia of his employees undermining his success ultimately gets him shot.  According to the wacky nerd archetype, the slime is intelligent, but it really doesn't show any signs of intelligence.  Neither does the movie. 

[Newt]

After that I checked out 2007's SOMETHING BENEATH...Kevin Sorbo is an environmentalist priest (!) attending an eco-conference at a newly constructed conference center/hotel.  A strange black slime is oozing through the pipes, and anyone who comes in contact with the slime starts hallucinating their worst fears until it in some way manages to kill them.  An obnoxious socialite hallucinates herself aging rapidly, attacks her mirror, broken glass slits her wrists, while the hotel manager's paranoia of his employees undermining his success ultimately gets him shot.  According to the wacky nerd archetype, the slime is intelligent, but it really doesn't show any signs of intelligence.  Neither does the movie. 

It's been a while, and it is not the most memorable movie, but weren't there some scenes with an annoying small dog that made it almost worthwhile?   

[lester1/2jr]

I watched like a1/3 of a movie called vibrations starring Christina Applegate. I've been busy and haven't had time to watch movies and I certainly wasn't giong to use that time to watch this movie about a drummer who loses his hands then discovers rave culture.

[El Misfit]

The Castle of Fu Manchu has got to be one of the worst movies I ever saw, however, In the nine circles of Hell, I would put it in level 5, since it really didn't get my blood boiling or make me smack my head a lot.

Xanadu- The seventh level of Hell, since it made me smack my head, but not really enough to do damage.

Monster A Go go- Eighth level of Hell, Made me angry and feel stupid. yet it hasn't reached the ninth level, because there's a movie that did.

Batman Forever- No, no no! This is the worst thing I ever saw, bar none! Just...why? Why have Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face, Jim Carey didn't help as the Riddler and even as a kid, I hated it.

Manos is in purgatory, since I can see what the director was going for, but had little to no money to film it. really can't hate that much.

Leonard Part 6- Level 4, I felt like it lowered my IQ level.

The Navy Vs. The Night Monsters- I had to put on my poker face just to watch it. First level of Hell.

Batman and Robin- Second level, since it is just stupid. didn't really lower my IQ level that much, not say Batman Forever.

Twilight- Seriously, why hate on it when It's made for girls? I really don't see that hate, sure it has vampires, but vampires are a symbol of tragedy from a misfit of society, Twilight put a spin on it. The hate is way too exaggerated, and don't be hatin' on girls. If your going to hate Twilight because of the Vampire thing, then go look at Cirque du Freak, where there's two different types of vampires. The one that people mostly associate with are the Vampaneze and Vampires can be in the sun, but not for long. If your going to hate Twilight for the vampire s**t, then go look at Cirque du Freak.

[Saucerman]

After that I checked out 2007's SOMETHING BENEATH...Kevin Sorbo is an environmentalist priest (!) attending an eco-conference at a newly constructed conference center/hotel.  A strange black slime is oozing through the pipes, and anyone who comes in contact with the slime starts hallucinating their worst fears until it in some way manages to kill them.  An obnoxious socialite hallucinates herself aging rapidly, attacks her mirror, broken glass slits her wrists, while the hotel manager's paranoia of his employees undermining his success ultimately gets him shot.  According to the wacky nerd archetype, the slime is intelligent, but it really doesn't show any signs of intelligence.  Neither does the movie. 

It's been a while, and it is not the most memorable movie, but weren't there some scenes with an annoying small dog that made it almost worthwhile?   

The dog wasn't as memorable or annoying as the small dog's owner, the aforementioned socialite.  The main thing with them both is the dog goes running down the hall, and Sorbo suggests she gets dressed before she runs after it (she's falling out of a nightie).  She giggles, says something about, "You were looking at my ta-tas, weren't you?" and tries to seduce him.  He just arches an eyebrow and says, "Miss.  Your dog?" and she storms into her room in a huff, telling him "Your loss!"

I think that's the only time I've ever heard the phrase "ta-tas" in a movie.

[Chainsawmidget]

sure it has vampires, but vampires are a symbol of tragedy from a misfit of society,

This right here is a big part of the hate.  Whatever happened to vampires being monsters? 

[El Misfit]

sure it has vampires, but vampires are a symbol of tragedy from a misfit of society,

This right here is a big part of the hate.  Whatever happened to vampires being monsters? 

people would see vampires as monsters in their early lives, but as Frankenstein Monster ran away, you can't get away from the fact that both of these monsters aren't really monsters, there just different.

[WingedSerpent]

I watched 1997's ABERRATION yesterday...New Zealand-lensed film about a woman who returns to her old family cabin, which turns out to be infested with rapidly-mutating lizards.  How rapidly-mutating? There's a scene where she tries to drown one in the fish tank and after a brief struggle, it just starts leisurely breathing water.  Then of course there's the reason she's at the cabin in the first place...she stole a bag of money from the Russian mafia and needs a place to hide out! Complete stinker, and the middle third of the film is nothing but jump scares -- the girl opens the closet and freaks out when she sees a coat hanger, opening fire into the closet, her goofy biologist friend panics and fires the shotgun eight times when a tree branch crashes through the window during a storm, etc. 

I remember Aberration. I kind of liked it because I'm a sucker for a good killer reptile movie. Although this one could REALLY stretch the boundaries of disbelieve in how un-killable these foot-long iguanas could be. There's another scene where they try to light one on fire-and it can suddenly spray liquid to put it out. This means that.
A. The lizard understood that it could use a liquid to put out fire
B. Might have evolved that feature really quickly. Had they been shown earlier using this spitting ability to shoot venom then it would have at least be some what established.