A friend sent these to me:
A selection of comic lines from Phyllis Diller, who died Monday at age 95:
"I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they'd boo."
"I never made 'Who's Who,' but I'm featured in 'What's That?' "
"When I told Fang I was going to have my face lifted, he said, 'Who'd steal it?'"
"You know you're old when your walker has an airbag."
"I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody."
"I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband."
"My vanity table is a Black & Decker workbench."
"The only thing domestic about me is I was born in this country."
"They say housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?"
"I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions."
"Think of me as a sex symbol for men who just don't give a damn."
"The best contraceptive for old people is nudity."
Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/A-selection-of-Phyllis-Diller-s-comic-quotes-3802079.php#ixzz24OP3lF3S