Soccer: Going to ask for some feedback

[dean]

One more:  Honoring the Game

Reposting here because I think this is pretty good.  This refers to spectators actions.


Guidelines for Honoring the Game

Before the Game:

Make a commitment to Honor the Game in action and language no matter what others may do.

Tell your child before each game that you are proud of him or her regardless of how well he or she plays.


During the Game:

Fill your children's "Emotional Tank" through praise and positive recognition so they can play their very best.

Don't give instructions to your child during the game. Let the coach correct player mistakes.

Cheer good plays by both teams (this is advanced behavior!)

Mention good calls by the official to other parents.

If an official makes a "bad" call against your team? Honor the Game—BE SILENT!

If another parent on your team yells at an official? Gently remind him or her to Honor the Game.

Don't do anything in the heat of the moment that you will regret after the game. Ask yourself, "Will this embarrass my child or the team?"

Remember to have fun! Enjoy the game.


After the Game:

Thank the officials for doing a difficult job for little or no pay.

Thank the coaches for their commitment and effort.

Don't give advice. Instead ask your child what he or she thought about the game and then LISTEN. Listening fills Emotional Tanks.

Tell your child again that you are proud of him or her, whether the team won or lost.



I think the point of 'yelling about bad calls' gets lost on parents.  As a coach I'd do that, and not always gently, but that's my job and I wouldn't abuse a referee for making a bad call, but I'd sure bring their attention to it if it keeps happening.  A spectator should watch and learn to let it slide.  Sometimes its fun when you go to a national game of NFL/Baseball/Football and be rowdy with your friends gabbing about bad calls and whatnot, sometimes that just adds to the flavour.  But it's not the same in a smaller scale environment where the ref's are either young or just doing it to help out and often are quite close to the audience, and therefore able to hear the abuse, unlike at a pro-game where there's going to be distance between the spectators and the field of play.

[bob]

You did the right thing. The ref seems to be not doing the job properly.

[Mofo Rising]

I've got no opinion to offer about the philosophy of team sports.

I do agree that is sounds like there is a problem with personal fouls not being called. Ignoring them, especially at that age range, is ridiculous.

He reiterates his view, and I reiterate mine.  His next response is that we're at the YMCA now, but we'll be out in town after and that he'll fix me then.  "Very well" is what I told him.

This is glossed over, but you should probably bring this up with whoever is handling the complaint. As laughable as the "threat" is, it's not something anybody at the YMCA should condone, and significantly reduces any complaints this guy can have against you.

[ulthar]

Oh and on another point, one thing I did as a coach which seemed to work with 8-10s was a reward system for people who either played well/improved or just showed good spirit, either at training or at the game.

We were at an out-of-town event for my daughter's sport last month, and several of the participants from our "team" were in the finals in their division.  One of our teammates won and two others came in 3rd and 4th (this Finals was structured as only top 4 compete).

Later that evening, while sitting around, the other girl came over, the girl who came in 2nd, and she said she dropped by just to congratulate our team and how it was an honor to compete with such talent.

WOW! 

Good stuff.

I have tried to find out if that circuit has a Year-End "Sportsmanship Award" as I think that individual deserves it.  She did more in that act of "Honor" for our younger competitors than any amount of cajoling to "win, win, WIN" could do.

One of the neat things the PCA pushes for the young athletes to recognize is that a strong competitor is a gift and brings out the best in ourselves. 

I often ask my daughter, "Would you rather win because the other person made a mistake or come in second doing your best and got beat honestly?"  Sadly, I do see other parents 'rooting' for other children to make mistakes and cheering when they do as it increases their odds of "winning."  It is very sad to me.

Good stuff, Dean.  Thanks for sharing your experiences.

[Trevor]

Andrew, you were in the right and the doofus that took you on was in the wrong. Some people get so worked up seeing their children play (some of these adults are people who've never tasted success in their lives so they try and live through their children) that they will approach physical violence and sometimes go beyond that point when a game is on and decisions are made they don't like.

When school rugby is played here, there are more fights off the pitch than on it and this is sad, as I was always told by my folks (yes: I am a card carrying nerd but I love watching and playing sports) to enjoy the game and try my best, especially in sports like soccer and cricket. I was also told to remember that it is just a game.

As for this dumb ass saying he "will fix you", I wish him good luck in even trying to do that. 

[alandhopewell]

      Don't let 'em get you down; someone's got to show these kids what good sportsmanship and discipline is about. As a coach, that's partly your job, but the parents, ALL the parents, should be backing you up, unless they want a generation of spoiled, negative, near useless folks as citizens.

[Andrew]

Had a pretty long discussion with the YMCA athletic director last week, and I know he might have felt a bit under siege from some of my parents over the recent issues.  He did appear to listen, and I sent him links to some resources (both suggested and ones I found).

The end result is that he was out on the fields Saturday morning, helping to referee games.  Things went much, much smoother that day.  The only real issue I saw was in the 7-8 game.  A boy on the other team kept spreading his arms out to block my players from the ball (impeding my player).  When I called it out after a pretty blatant offense, the referee was already on his way.  The referee addressed the player and I did not see it happen again.

Two more games for each team in the rest of the season.  Let's hope they all go as well at Saturday.  It made the games much more enjoyable.

[ulthar]

Had a pretty long discussion with the YMCA athletic director last week, and I know he might have felt a bit under siege from some of my parents over the recent issues.  He did appear to listen, and I sent him links to some resources (both suggested and ones I found).

The end result is that he was out on the fields Saturday morning, helping to referee games.  Things went much, much smoother that day.  The only real issue I saw was in the 7-8 game.  A boy on the other team kept spreading his arms out to block my players from the ball (impeding my player).  When I called it out after a pretty blatant offense, the referee was already on his way.  The referee addressed the player and I did not see it happen again.

Two more games for each team in the rest of the season.  Let's hope they all go as well at Saturday.  It made the games much more enjoyable.

Excellent!

Sounds like good steps taken in the right direction.  Hat off to the YMCA athletic director for making personal involvement.

[Andrew]

The two games my 5-6 and 7-8 teams played today were awesome.  Not only did Garrett's 5-6 team tie the best team in his league 0-0, but the kids really played good soccer.  Our only holdout on playing was Olivia, who was very tired and emotional.  It can be hard on them at that age if they are upset.

Where we had a problem was the 7-8 game.  Again with the awful refereeing.  I had to limp to the referee because he wasn't heeding me trying to get his attention due to a player on the other team constantly putting his arms out to impede my players.  Again, there were zero fouls called in that game.  That despite me calling some of my players over to tell them what they had just done wrong, making sure they understood the fouls.

My big issue is what happened near the end of the game.  One of my players was standing up, went to head the ball and was kicked in the face by a girl on the other team who kicked above the level of her head.  I understand it was an accident, but the referee somehow missed it and also missed my player bent over, holding his bleeding nose.  Unable to get his attention, I got in the middle of the field as quick as possible to get play stopped.  That done, I told the referee what happened.  After giving him a moment to handle it, which he did nothing, I got my player off the field.  Then I addressed the girl who delivered the kick.  This was done in a normal tone, level voice.  Told her that it was an accident, but that you cannot kick like that near another player.  It is grounds for being sent off.

Apparently, her mother had a problem with me doing this.  That mom can take a flying leap.  I did not disrespect her daughter and provided proper instruction to make her a better player.

I'm also really upset with the referee, because he should have seen the boy get kicked in the face (the ball was right there) or should have noticed a player who was bent over holding his face.  The referees are terrible and while I don't think he could have prevented the injury, the environment created by the poor refereeing is dangerous to the players. 

Waiting on a return call from the YMCA sports director now.

[Allhallowsday]

The two games my 5-6 and 7-8 teams played today were awesome.  Not only did Garrett's 5-6 team tie the best team in his league 0-0, but the kids really played good soccer.  Our only holdout on playing was Olivia, who was very tired and emotional.  It can be hard on them at that age if they are upset.
Where we had a problem was the 7-8 game.  Again with the awful refereeing.  I had to limp to the referee because he wasn't heeding me trying to get his attention due to a player on the other team constantly putting his arms out to impede my players.  Again, there were zero fouls called in that game.  That despite me calling some of my players over to tell them what they had just done wrong, making sure they understood the fouls.
My big issue is what happened near the end of the game.  One of my players was standing up, went to head the ball and was kicked in the face by a girl on the other team who kicked above the level of her head.  I understand it was an accident, but the referee somehow missed it and also missed my player bent over, holding his bleeding nose.  Unable to get his attention, I got in the middle of the field as quick as possible to get play stopped.  That done, I told the referee what happened.  After giving him a moment to handle it, which he did nothing, I got my player off the field.  Then I addressed the girl who delivered the kick.  This was done in a normal tone, level voice.  Told her that it was an accident, but that you cannot kick like that near another player.  It is grounds for being sent off.
Apparently, her mother had a problem with me doing this.  That mom can take a flying leap.  I did not disrespect her daughter and provided proper instruction to make her a better player.
I'm also really upset with the referee, because he should have seen the boy get kicked in the face (the ball was right there) or should have noticed a player who was bent over holding his face.  The referees are terrible and while I don't think he could have prevented the injury, the environment created by the poor refereeing is dangerous to the players. 
Waiting on a return call from the YMCA sports director now.

Wow.  I suppose that explains the expression, "When it rains, it pours..."?  You're cool.  Your player was bloodied, injured.  Of course now you must walk on eggs.  You're the man. 

[ulthar]

Andrew, at this stage , I suggest you solicit someone to start videoing these games. I personally thing it's time to shut these stupid parents up with clear, irrefutable evidence (to show the AD) that what you are doing is correct and proper.

I really hate to go this kind of route, but a letter from the injurred child's parent "suing" the Y for medical costs (or some such) on the grounds of "chronic negligent, unqualified refereeing" might get Y's attention.

Got to paper and 'quietly suggest' an article on 'problems in youth sports' and let the merely menton the y soccer league...not ABOUT your league, you are just one example. But it's bad press for them and embarrassment for the offending parents/refs.

I fear without concrete pressure to change what is happening, it's seen as simply easier to keep as close to status quo.

[AndyC]

Andrew, at this stage , I suggest you solicit someone to start videoing these games. I personally thing it's time to shut these stupid parents up with clear, irrefutable evidence (to show the AD) that what you are doing is correct and proper.

I really hate to go this kind of route, but a letter from the injurred child's parent "suing" the Y for medical costs (or some such) on the grounds of "chronic negligent, unqualified refereeing" might get Y's attention.

Got to paper and 'quietly suggest' an article on 'problems in youth sports' and let the merely menton the y soccer league...not ABOUT your league, you are just one example. But it's bad press for them and embarrassment for the offending parents/refs.

I fear without concrete pressure to change what is happening, it's seen as simply easier to keep as close to status quo.

I agree. It's been my experience that a potentially costly or embarrassing situation is the only thing that will motivate some organizations to make changes for the better. Document the problem and present the evidence to the athletic director. Make it clear from the beginning that if something isn't done, the next stop will be the paper. I hate to say it, but it will probably come down to which is going to be the bigger pain in the ass - fixing the problem or dealing with you.

[Andrew]

Unfortunately, our season is at an end with just one more game.  I do very much like the suggestion of getting the YMCA's attention through the parents.  I am going to contact them all and ask them to contact the Sports Director about the refereeing.  Having a dozen parents call is definitely going to get his attention.

Waiting to hear back from the injured player's parents.  If I don't hear from them by tonight I'll give them a call.  He took a pretty good kick to that nose.  It might have been broken.

[Andrew]

We finished our soccer season yesterday, but not without one more episode of drama.  From what I understood, during the 9-10 game one of my players elbowed a little girl on the other team.  I did not see that occur, and have not seen any of my players acting like that on purpose, so I would assume it was accidental.  However, I would want that called and the player addressed. 

When the little girl came in during substitution about 3 minutes later I heard her dad talk to her.  He was upset the referee did not call it (and I can understand that), but then told her "Go ahead and run them over, and you elbow them."  He was with multiple other parents and around some other players.  That earned an immediate engagement from me to make sure that everyone there understood such advice or intentional behavior is wrong, and that I do not want my players acting that way and would pull them off the field if I saw it.  Again, apparently I hurt his feelings.

This was not a rough game at all, and I did twice talk to my players over things that should have been addressed by the referees.  We had just three fouls called, of which two where blatant handling fouls by my players.  I don't know what was going on with them there - it was strange to see one, let alone two in a game.