Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
March 28, 2024, 04:58:13 PM
713365 Posts in 53058 Topics by 7725 Members
Latest Member: wibwao
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  The Asylum Strikes Again - HANSEL AND GRETEL (2013) « previous next »
Pages: [1]
Author Topic: The Asylum Strikes Again - HANSEL AND GRETEL (2013)  (Read 1989 times)
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 2591
Posts: 15182


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« on: January 21, 2013, 10:50:30 PM »

I bounce back and forth between loving and hating The Asylum.  Some of their movies are unwatchably bad, while others fall into the "So Bad It's Good" category.  Most are in between.

Tonight, to take my mind of today's mournfull political spectacle, I decided to watch their latest ripoff of a soon-to-be blockbuster film, HANSEL AND GRETEL.  Except that, instead of being set in Germany's Black Forest in the 1300's, this epic is set in a small American town, circa last week.

One thing to understand from the get-go is that there is ZERO suspense in this film in terms of who the villainess is.  First of all, her bakery is called "The Gingerbread House," and secondly, she is played by Dee Wallace, who chews up the carpet, the flooring, most of the panelling, and several other cast members as the kindly matron/wicked cannibal named Lilith.  Her meat pies are world famous (shades of SWEENEY TODD!), and she dishes up the desserts and sweets at low prices to her adoring customer.

Her loyal shopgirl is Gretel Grimm (get it???), played by the lovely Stephanie Greco.  Gretel's twin brother Hansel Grimm (I wonder where they came up with that last name??) is a junk food junkie and video game champion played by Clark Perry.  He nearly gets eaten two or three times, and you kind of wish by the end of the film that he would quit escaping and just get turned into sausage already.  Hansel and Gretel have a late night dinner at the Gingerbread House one night so that their Dad, James, can tell them he is planning to re-marry.  Gretel isn't thrilled with his young bride Sylvia but is happy for her Dad, while Hansel throws a fit when he finds out they are planning to sell the house and move out of the community.  So he storms out and takes a walk in the woods, only to fall into one of Lilith's traps.

Gretel, of course, goes after him, and they wind up in Lilith's house of horrors and human sausage factory, along with three other victims who are being fattened up for slaughter.  Eventually their parents and local law enforcement come after them, only to fall afoul of Lilith and her twin sons, who look suspiciously like Cannibal Mutant Hillbillies.  So the slaughter and cooking goes on, and Lilith shrieks and laughs and skewers whoever she pleases, and by the end you are not sure whether to laugh or shudder.

Filled with stereotypes, cheesy dialogue, and enough reality flaws to make WyreWizard's head explode (especially when one character survives a pitchfork clean through his midsection and several deep stab wounds, only to be released from the hospital a couple of days later!), this is a fun gore ride that manages to be predictable and surprisingly bad at the same time.  If you like Asylum movies, check it out.  If you hate Asylum movies, check it out anyway, just watch it while inebriated. Thumbup
Logged

"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"
Jack
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1141
Posts: 10327



« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2013, 07:30:19 AM »

That new Hollywood version of this looks kind of interesting.  The Asylum's version, hmmm...maybe if it shows up on Netflix streaming.   Smile
Logged

The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.

- Paulo Coelho
Bushma
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 203
Posts: 1434



« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2013, 12:30:58 PM »

Ha ha ha.

I watched this a few nights ago. Your description is perfect. This is the type of film that I've come to expect from the Asylum.

I don't think Lilith is actually evil though. She eats special green candy for her "glaucoma". I knew some guys when I lived in California how had cards which let them get special "medication" for their "glaucoma" and some of it was in candy form.  I think Lilith just has a really misguided case of the munchies.
Logged

This is my awesome signature.  Jealous?
Pages: [1]
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  The Asylum Strikes Again - HANSEL AND GRETEL (2013) « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.