Your embarrassing drunk/stoned stories. Spill your guts! (not literally)

[retrorussell]

Hey folks,
Time to dredge up those memories of getting wasted in public and doing things you're not proud of (or maybe you are?) that caused others to take notice.  Getting wasted at a wedding, f***ed up at a funeral, p**sed at a party, bombed at a birthday, etc. 

I probably don't have as much experience as most people on BMDO, but my worst moment was when I got blitzed at a brew fest in downtown Portland about 12 years ago or so.  My brother kept giving me his tokens so I could get more beer (thanks a lot..) and so I was out of my gourd by a mile.  I had a gyro that I got rid of quickly in the port a potty, and from then on everything I threw up either hit the ground or went all over me.  On the way back we took the train and I ralfed ALL over myself right there in front of shocked passengers-- multiple times.  Of course, my brother had to take a video of it on his phone.  Just SOAKED in puke.

I'm sure that's nothing compared to what you folks have to offer but that was pretty embarrassing to me.  What do you have to offer?

[Allhallowsday]

Are you kidding me?  That is the worst I've heard of... 

Fortunately, I never evacuated publicly.      However, I have been drunk or stoned or both in public numerous times.  My most embarrassing moment would have been in NYC stepping into a mooring hole on a wharf up to my hip... in front of a huge crowd that cheered when I popped up unscathed.   

[Alex]

*sigh* C'mon give me a break with these questions. It makes me feel like Quagmire in Family Guy. :( This story takes place when I was in my late teens or early 20's sometime after a night out was ending with our social group. We'd been drinking all night and decided (as you do after a nights drinking to go out and get something to eat. We never quite made it to a takeaway as far as I can recall but...

_{Someone who was a vague member of my circle of friends once came home early from a nightshift only to find his naked sister bent over their dinner table with me (not quite naked, I still had my socks on and my trousers were around my ankles) behind her while his girlfriend... well she was doing something to me from underneath the table.}

It ended up with me staggering down the street trying to pull my trousers up with my naked ass waggling in the night air. My feet got all wet as I left my trainers behind. I ran past one of my old school teachers out walking her dog in this state.

I wonder if the next time I go home I could go around and pick them up. I really liked those running shoes.

Oh yeah, and previously there may (or may not) have been an incident with me and his mother. Not sure on the details of that one though. Either she gave me a lift home one night when I was coming back from a bar and said "Cock it or walk it". I may have dreamed/hallucinated that part though.


Honey, if you just read that I would like to point out that, that was Evil Alex and I killed him.

(For anyone else, Evil Alex was my evil twin).

[FatFreddysCat]

Many years ago my buddy and I were pledging a fraternity in our freshman year at college. One night after a pledge meeting, a couple of the older bro's invited us to a bar/restaurant down the hill from campus "for a few drinks." If their mission was to get us noobs as drunk as possible, they definitely accomplished it -- they just kept shoving pitchers of beer in front of us all evening long. The glasses we were given to drink out of were tiny, so it was like constantly doing shots of beer. I have no idea how many pitchers we emptied, but we were there for several hours and by the time they announced "last call" my buddy and I were completely legless.

The brother who was giving us a lift back to campus told us to go outside and wait by his car while he paid the bill. So we stumbled outside and were sitting back-to-back on the curb next to the (locked) car waiting for him to come out. Suddenly and without warning I bazooka-barfed in the gutter next to this guy's car. As soon as the smell reached Sean, he ALSO hurled into the gutter.

...at this point I turned around and noticed that we were sitting right in front of the huge picture window of the restaurant's dining room, and realized that everyone in that room had likely just seen our double-hurl. In this frame of mind, the thought that we'd just ruined all those people's nice dinners struck us EXTREMELY funny. When the brother finally came out of the bar, saw the giant puddle of barf and the two of us convulsing on the sidewalk in fits of hysterical drunken laughter, all he could say was "Jeeeeeezus, look at you guys, you're f**king PATHETIC!"

They let us into the fraternity anyway!

[HappyGilmore]

A shorter list would be my sober stories.

I wouldn't even know where to begin.   

[HappyGilmore]

One story I can sort of recall, I was out with a buddy's girlfriend.  He was outta town.  But she was trying to set me up with a friend of hers.  I completely forgot, so I got home from work, started drinking.  Now, I have bad anxiety.  I take Xanax occasionally for it.  I live in Philly.  I recall being in my apartment, and waking up at a metal show in Delaware.  Tried fighting a bouncer, attempting singing with the singer on stage, drank probably half a bottle of whiskey, and the girl I met was like "He's a fascinating guy but I can't date him."

I'm unsure how I got home or anything.

[FatFreddysCat]

Got another one:

Early 90s, during my drunk-n-depressed post-college haze phase, I used to hang out a lot at a go-go bar called Satin Dolls in Lodi, NJ. Some of you may know it as the "Bada Bing" club from "The Sopranos," but this was way before it became famous.

One night my buddy and I went there to celebrate his getting a new job. We devastated the place's beer supply, tipped every dancer that came within 20 feet of us and basically made complete and total drunken spectacles of ourselves. Finally we were out of money and I was literally falling off of my bar stool so it was time to go. As I was putting on my jacket one of the barmaids tapped me on the shoulder and sez "Excuse me, sir, was there something wrong with the service tonight?" Drunk and confused, I sez "Um...no, not really. Why?" and she sez "Because you two have been tipping the dancers all night but you didn't leave anything for the bar staff. Would that be too much trouble for you?"

Looking back, I admit that she had a point... but I was drunk as a skunk and something in her snotty tone of voice set me off, so I yelled back, loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear, "YOU WANT A F*CKIN TIP? THEN GET UP ON THAT F*CKIN STAGE AND WAVE YOUR F*CKIN T***S IN MY FACE!" She started snapping her fingers and pointing at me, and next thing I know there are two huge leg-breaker looking security dudes standing on each side of me. One sez "I think it's time for you to leave, buddy." I took one look at these dinosaurs, sobered up right quick and sez "Don't worry, I'm a gittin'." I'm probably lucky I didn't catch a parking lot beat down from those guys.

I had a headache to end all headaches when I woke up the next morning, which served me right. I didn't go back there for more than a year because I was afraid that same barmaid would be working and she'd spit (or worse) in my drinks.

[bob]

I haven't got totally plastered in public....but back in 2009  I was super plastered at a party and made a running dairy of it at another forum


http://officialfan.proboards.com/thread/248772/stuck-extremely-drunk-friend

[316zombie]

in 1986, i fell at work and shattered my left elbow as well as tearing a nerve bundle. i was in PT for 2 years before i could work again, and my therapist was a tiny little sadist who was probably descended from the marquis de sade. the last thing i said to her was " if i ever see you in a bar, i will hit you so hard you'll be proud of the torture you put me through", and she laughed. but i was as serious as a heart attack, i hated her with all my soul.
  so, fastforward 3 years after my PT to 1990, i was with my dart league in a bar i wasn't familiar with, we'd been drinking all day, i was pretty tanked.
  and as i'm preparing to shoot, i feel a small hand push up the bottom of my elbow and that voice said" i see you can still hyper extend, well done". it was HER. and i used my left fist, the arm ihad shattered, and i coldcocked her hard enough that she hit the ground 3 feet away.
  i swear it was pure instinct! my first thought was " barri, your tiny white butt is going to jail!" and i waited for the bouncer or a cop while my dart master helped her up. everybody was yelling at me that we were gonna get barred( the team)and it was my fault.
  ans he got up, and she LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY!! and she HUGGED me, while telling me how proud she was that i could do that! no bouncer, no cops, MANY shots of hot damm, and we were friends until the day she died.
  but i'm STILL embarrassed because i scared people who had neveer seen me as a violent person. very strange experience.

[RCMerchant]

Ok. This one is about spilling my guts.

It was Christmas Eve, and my brother Richie and me were gonna eat ham for Christmas Dinner-cuz I made ham on the 24th!
We also had a jug of home-made cherry wine. This s**t is like cherry moonshine.
I wok up the next morning with me knelling and my head on the EZ Boy...in a pool of dried vomit.
I had ham and potato chunks in my hair. I looked in the mirror and my hair was standing in all directions like it was shelacked by Alberto VO-vomit!
And I really had long hair, too! It was disgusting. 

[RCMerchant]

in 1986, i fell at work and shattered my left elbow as well as tearing a nerve bundle. i was in PT for 2 years before i could work again, and my therapist was a tiny little sadist who was probably descended from the marquis de sade. the last thing i said to her was " if i ever see you in a bar, i will hit you so hard you'll be proud of the torture you put me through", and she laughed. but i was as serious as a heart attack, i hated her with all my soul.
  so, fastforward 3 years after my PT to 1990, i was with my dart league in a bar i wasn't familiar with, we'd been drinking all day, i was pretty tanked.
  and as i'm preparing to shoot, i feel a small hand push up the bottom of my elbow and that voice said" i see you can still hyper extend, well done". it was HER. and i used my left fist, the arm ihad shattered, and i coldcocked her hard enough that she hit the ground 3 feet away.
  i swear it was pure instinct! my first thought was " barri, your tiny white butt is going to jail!" and i waited for the bouncer or a cop while my dart master helped her up. everybody was yelling at me that we were gonna get barred( the team)and it was my fault.
  ans he got up, and she LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY!! and she HUGGED me, while telling me how proud she was that i could do that! no bouncer, no cops, MANY shots of hot damm, and we were friends until the day she died.
  but i'm STILL embarrassed because i scared people who had neveer seen me as a violent person. very strange experience.

That reminds me of the time I hit a guy over the head with a whiskey bottle outside of a bar in Paw Paw-we became best freinds too.

[The Burgomaster]

* At a company Christmas party, one of the partners sent me home in a taxi when he found me in the men's room with my head in the toilet giggling.

* When I was in my 20s, I started to sober up at a late-night breakfast restaurant. Sitting across the table from me was a woman who must have been in her 60s. Apparently, I had picked he up in the bar (but I had no recollection of doing so). She was wearing calf-high nylons and a skirt that wasn't long enough to cover the fact that the nylons only went up to her calves. And here is the kicker: when the waitress brought the bill, I opened my wallet and only had a couple of dollars. So my "date" had to pay the bill.

* One time at a house party, I peed in the clothes dryer.

* At another house party, a girl was drinking shots of rum. She ended up puking her brains out. Shortly after, I was kissing her and she hadn't even brushed her teeth. So it tasted like rum mixed with sour vomit.

* One night I was at home waiting for my girlfriend to come over. I started drinking peach schnapps straight out of the bottle. Next thing I knew, my girlfriend was shaking me to wake me up. The first thing I heard her say was, "Why are you in the tub?" I was lying in the tub, fully clothed, and I had p**sed all over myself.

[Trevor]

* At a company Christmas party, one of the partners sent me home in a taxi when he found me in the men's room with my head in the toilet giggling.

 

* One night I was at home waiting for my girlfriend to come over. I started drinking peach schnapps straight out of the bottle. Next thing I knew, my girlfriend was shaking me to wake me up. The first thing I heard her say was, "Why are you in the tub?" I was lying in the tub, fully clothed, and I had p**sed all over myself.

 

[Trevor]

I've never been drunk or high but when I was visiting Mom's parents in the 1970s, my grandpa gave me a mouthful of what was in his coffee mug: I swallowed, ran outside, retched and puked. 

It was whisky and I was seven: I haven't touched hard liquor since.