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Latest Member: eenkleemil Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Tyranno's worst ten movies of the year thread « previous next »
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Author Topic: Tyranno's worst ten movies of the year thread  (Read 689 times)
Bad Movie Lover

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« on: December 29, 2013, 01:14:32 PM »

Dishonourable mentions: Ghost Shark, Scary Movie 5, er... there's probably others I'm missing...

10: Closed for the Season - Firstly, because I can't watch every movie within its release, I'm considering movies of '12 I just watched this year, fair game. Besides they probably premièred somewhere this year, right? As for Closed for the Season, its a character-driven movie, but often includes pointless gory scenes. Usually involving characters dying then reviving. If it was to prevent younger viewers getting bored, then many younger viewers wouldn't enjoy this horror archetype anyway. The movie is about 105 minutes long and many parts are unnecessary.

It's unfortunate, because Closed for the Season does have a genuinely touching story, its just told horribly.

 9: I. C. U. - Three people witless, I mean witness a murder from their apartment building while spying on those living in other similar buildings. You'd expect a Rear Window-type story. You'd get a Rear Window-type story without any suspense or characterisation. The first hour often wastes time with video footage of people on the streets of Australia, the killer's video footage of murders, dream sequences, and someone going swimming. On the roof. Of a tall building. During a thunderstorm.

 8: Truth or Dare - Basically some guy tricks people he suspects of causing his brother's attempted suicide to a fake party, then drawing them into a sadistic game. Unfortunately the execution can sometimes ruin everything and this movie's final girl earned her place amongst the most detestable characters I've ever seen.

7: Squeal - Pig/human mutants capture and kill them using methods you might expect from a slaughterhouse. But somehow, its just much more boring than you'd expect.

Technically this one's outside the "fair game" category - after watching it I discovered its UK premeire was '11. However, I only continued watching because I released it was August and I didn't have many "worst 10" candidates - I would've probably turned it off otherwise.

If you think it shouldn't qualify, then Ghost Shark is #10 and 10-8 are 9-7 now.

6: Basement - Another group of people go underground where something menaces them. Now, many character-driven horrors can take forty minutes establishing characters. But here, forty minutes in, I realised I couldn't remember the characters doing anything but vapid bickering, so it didn't seem like a character-driven movie. So really just forty minutes of nothing much.

5: You're Next - This home invasion black bothered me primarily because it simply because it wasn't really funny. Many people mistake it for straight horror and frankly, the reputation of sites like IMDb isn't a factor this time. The most common reaction I felt was "huh... I guess that was supposed to be funny".

Also, whenever Larry Fessenden (my hero) appears in a horror film I expect its going to be something special, learning he was in "You're Next" (in the ending credits) just upset me.

4: Hollow - A pretty lazy found footage movie that demonstrates exactly why, no matter how many examples of decent found footage I see, I'm reluctant to watch them. People scream, the cameraman then swings around but whatever was screamed at has gone. That pretty much defines Hollow.

And, like many other found footage movies, you just don't learn much about the characters.

3: Forest of the Damned - Teens in a forest getting stalked by succubus creatures. It's actually difficult to describe why it was so bad in words. The execution wasn't very good I suppose. Additionally, I'd tried it watching it before, years ago, though I don't remember sitting through the whole thing. Yeah, again its technically outside the "fair game" category.

If you think it shouldn't qualify, see Squeal; if you think neither should qualify, then Scary Movie 5 is #10, Ghost Shark is #9, and 10-8 & 6-4 become 8-3.

2: The Inside - See Hollow, except this time, nobody can hold the camera anywhere near straight.

And finally, something I personally consider the worst of the decade so far:

1: The Purge - The concept of people not being required to follow any laws could be disturbing if portrayed realistically. Unfortunately, the writers apparently thought "no law" meant "no emotional or common sense-based reasons for killing whoever mildly annoys you". The failure of the characters to behave and talk like real people combined with the writers' preference for (very short lived) twists over any characterisation ruins the concept.

Congratulations, Platinum Dunes - now anyone with a good version of the concept will get accused of "ripping off" your nonsense!
Bad Movie Lover

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« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2013, 02:43:42 PM »

Definetly some stinkers this year along with some solid pics.
The Worst no particular order

1)The Family-Not only is it a shame for De Niro to be appearing in legacy destroying crap like this but also a new low for formerly great director Luc Besson. Not too long ago Deniro was appearing in stuff like "Heat" and Besson was directing movies like "Leon The Professional". Watching this witless senselessly violent film those days seem miles away.

2)The Purge-This is the kind of movie that would go straight to dvd a couple years ago but they slapped an admittedly solid ad campaign on it and it turned out to be a huge hit. Badly shot and endlessly derivative. Ethan Hawke manages to either make movies that are some of the best of the year (Sinister, Before Midnight) and some of the absolute worst (this and Getaway which I could only watch 10 minutes of so I didn't include it)

3)Drinking Buddies-A lot of critics really adored this pointless exercise in improvisation and countless scenes of our boring characters eating and drinking. Not sure if its a drama or a comedy it manages to never be funny or dramatic. I wouldn't want to drink with any of these buddies.

4)Star Trek Into the Toilet... sick of talking about this.

5)Broken City-Dumped early in the year and forgotten this is a dull waste of some decent actors talents. Looking back I can barely remember anything that happens other than Marky Mark wandering around the streets drunk.

6)Machete Kills-The first one was fun if nothing amazing the second is barely watchable. Rodriguez certainly got an impressive roster of cameos too bad he seems to be consistently getting worse at actually putting together a movie. Before when "Machete didn't text" it was funny now in the sequel when Machete proclaims he doesn't twitter the joke is dead in the water.

7)Adore-One of the steamiest premises of the year. IMDB: "A pair of childhood friends and neighbors fall for each other's sons." And guess what one of the moms is Naomi Watts! With such a taboo subject matter and talented actors there is plenty of opportunity to create one hell of a drama. Poor direction unfortunately manages to make sons sleeping with each others mothers kind of... boring. A big missed opportunity.

8)Hours-Despite the late Paul Walkers best efforts this is still one of the worst movies of the year. A man trying to save his new born child during Hurricane Katrina is certainly an interesting premise. What kills this movie is a terrible plot device in which Walker has to recharge the babies battery every 90 seconds. Pretty much this film consists of Walker pumping a machine wandering outside his hotel room and then rinse repeat rinse repeat... Paul Walker does talk to a dog which is one positive thing I'll say.

9)Movie 43-Ok so I only watched about 20 or so minutes of this one but they were certainly the worst 20 minutes of this year,

10)Suddenly-Uwe Boll actually made a decent film this year it was called "Assault on Wall Street" he also made this dull made for tv quality remake. Ray Liotta must have done something really bad to someone to be to stuck in Boll land at this point in his career.

Dishonorable Mentions:So many of the summer films this year were not outright bad but just so generic and uninteresting that they deserve a mention.

White House Down-Corny in a bad way. Go see Olympus Has Fallen instead.
Elysium-All the special effects in the world cant save this generic story. The usually capable Jodie Foster does some terrible work here.
Two Guns-I watched nearly this whole thing and couldn't tell you a thing that happened. I think there was shooting and Denzel had some nice hats but thats about it.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2013, 02:47:43 PM by fulci420 » Logged
Bad Movie Lover

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« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2014, 03:11:29 AM »

Haven't seen any of the movies you picked, but I was thinking about checking out "You're next" and "The purge"...just to make my own opinion.
Other than that I succeded in watching almost no movies last year that I really hated. There was stuff like Texas Chainsaw for example, but I think this was released 2012.

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