ZOMBIE HAMLET (2012)

Saturday night. I am shuffling along the shelves at Hasting's, desperately seeking the kind of movie that restores your faith in humanity, revives your soul from the post-holiday doldrums, and fills you with that same wonderful sense of anticipation you get as you are about to pop a kitten into the microwave. Title after title went by - action flicks, same-o same-o slasher flicks, mindlessly stupid spoofs, romantic comedies that can drain every drop of testosterone from the room before the opening credits have finished rolling . . . I was near the end of the aisle, with no movie crying out to go home with me, and despair was filling my soul.

Then I saw it. A shaft of heavenly light poured through the ceiling, and angelic voices sang a magical tune in my ear as the title glistened before me. I fell to my knees at the sheer awesomeness of the concept.

What title, you ask?

ZOMBIE HAMLET!

I rushed to the front counter, clutching the precious DVD in my hand as I fumbled for my Hasting's card.
My hands trembled when I got home as I powered up the DVD player and prepared myself for the emotional and artistic experience of a lifetime.
But - could the actual film possibly live up to the awesomeness of the title? Would it not be better for me to place it back in its case and merely bask in the imagined perfection of the concept, rather than hit the "Play" button and set myself up for the same kind of cruel, warped disappointment I experienced that time I mistook a garlic stuffed mushroom for a chocolate cupcake at a dimly lit dinner party?

NO! I must see it! Surely the filmmaker could not be so cruel, or so devoid of talent, as to make a movie unworthy of this magnificent title!

Vindication! That is what I felt as the saga unrolled before my eyes. Oh no, this movie was not merely a re-telling of Shakespeare's HAMLET, set during the Civil War, with zombies thrown in as a cheap marketing tactic to snag the youth demographic. Oh no! That would be clever, but not life-changing. What the director of ZOMBIE HAMLET did was much bolder, much braver, much more daring - he made a movie about the MAKING of a movie version of Hamlet set in the Civil War with zombies thrown in as a cheap marketing ploy!
But this movie was more than that - it was so much more!

It has June Lockhart of LASSIE fame!
It has John De Lancie ("Q" from Star Trek!)
It has beloved African American character actor John Amos!
It has Shelly Long!
It has snoopy small town reporters and a sheriff with acting ambitions!
It has killer alligators!
It has voodoo loan sharks!
IT has cross-dressing, and disappearing dead bodies!
Romance! Action! Thrills! Bad Checks!

For a bad movie lover, this was a life altering experience. I am shaken. I am stirred. I am Bond . . . James Bond.
Or maybe I'm just turning blond! Who knows!

What I am saying is that this is the most amazing cinematic experience since SUCKER PUNCH.
YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE.

Do it for the zombies.
Do it for the children.