POOP/PEE/BLOOD/ETC. CLEANUP HORROR STORIES!

[Josso]

I actually have a few good ones but anyway: when I was a kid we had a spot on the roof of this building, eventually it got silly people would shift potted plants, sofas, chairs up there but I live in a small town so there wasn't really much to do. Lots of people came to know about it and hang out there, the majority of people used to p**s straight off the roof until it became a bit revealing to our spot, instead of people taking a slash on the flat roof there was a pipe going straight down into the roof. Assuming that such a device was guarded from rain water (looking back I think somebody probably took the protective rain cover off it, it's the only thing that makes any sense) people just started using this random pipe as a urinal - the assumption was that it ran off into gutters to make sure water didn't gather on the flat roof. Just to be clear I saw people p**s in this pipes endless times (thankfully I never needed to), do you know what the pipe went to? Air. Conditioning.. To this day I don't understand how this wasn't protected against rainwater but the number of people who knew the spot seemed to have a heavier toll than your average storm. I didn't go up there for ages and then out of the blue I was arrested on suspicion of criminal damage, they kept talking about roof tiles to me (in relation to a video I made) but according to several of my friends who were also arrested they were questioned because a poor mechanic that was called into fix the AC was completely soaked from head to toe by what he described as "stale urine" when he opened up a panel in the roof, it's so bad but I still lol about that to this day

[retrorussell]

Had one last night.  I got real sick.  I barely made it home in time (walked the dog as the attack tried to work its magic).  As for making it to the restroom  and getting on the bowl in time, well, that was another story.     Some mild cleanup involved. 

[JoeTheDestroyer]

I hope I'm not late to this thread.

Anyway, my wife and I took our older son when he was about two or three months old to a lake to visit some friends of the family.  As we got there, we decided to eat at a lakeside restaurant.  At one point, my wife had him sitting up on a table so he could look at everyone sitting there.  He was cheerful, smiling and flailing his arms, basically belying that no craptastrophe was on its way. I happened to notice a stain on the very middle of his onesie.  I thought it was dirt at first, until it started to grow.  Before long, he had this conspicuous, growing brown blot on his front.  Despite that he made no telltale grunting noises, the kid had pooped so hard that it leaked out his front.  Still he cooed and laughed as if nothing were happening.  My wife took him to a bathroom, only to discover it had no changing table, and so changed him on the counter where she was met with menacing glares from guests.  There was also a young woman a few tables away who discreetly-but-quite-audibly said that we should buy better diapers.  My wife also discreetly-but-quite-audibly said, "Thanks for the advice, random childless person!"

[Trevor]

My wife also discreetly-but-quite-audibly said, "Thanks for the advice, random childless person!"

Right on, sister. 

[RCMerchant]

I got in a car wreck in 1984. I was driving-my girlfreind Kerrie Noble (whose parents were murdered in later years) and LeAnne Sivley. was on the far left. I hit a tree with a 1964 GMC pickup.
There was so much blood coming out of LeAnnes head I took my shirt off and wrapped it around her skull.
She broke her arm,had a skull fracture. I broke both my legs and got the scar on my face I still have today. Kerrie got a minor cut on her chin.
Blood was EVERYWHERE.
That was the single worst moment of my life-I thought I killed them all.
It wasnt my truck-It was Bud Mortimore's. I went to the junk yard a year later and got my hat-I washed all the blood off it.
By the way-Bud is the grandson of the guy who Edgar Bergen named his dummy Mortimore Snerd after in Decatur,Michigan. Edgar Bergan is from Decatur-look it up.

[retrorussell]

I got in a car wreck in 1984. I was driving-my girlfreind Kerrie Noble (whose parents were murdered in later years) and LeAnne Sivley. was on the far left. I hit a tree with a 1964 GMC pickup.
There was so much blood coming out of LeAnnes head I took my shirt off and wrapped it around her skull.
She broke her arm,had a skull fracture. I broke both my legs and got the scar on my face I still have today. Kerrie got a minor cut on her chin.
Blood was EVERYWHERE.
That was the single worst moment of my life-I thought I killed them all.
It wasnt my truck-It was Bud Mortimore's. I went to the junk yard a year later and got my hat-I washed all the blood off it.
By the way-Bud is the grandson of the guy who Edgar Bergen named his dummy Mortimore Snerd after in Decatur,Michigan. Edgar Bergan is from Decatur-look it up.

WOAH!  Scary, but lucky!
I can't think of Edgar Bergen without thinking of Paul Winchell.

[RCMerchant]

I got in a car wreck in 1984. I was driving-my girlfreind Kerrie Noble (whose parents were murdered in later years) and LeAnne Sivley. was on the far left. I hit a tree with a 1964 GMC pickup.
There was so much blood coming out of LeAnnes head I took my shirt off and wrapped it around her skull.
She broke her arm,had a skull fracture. I broke both my legs and got the scar on my face I still have today. Kerrie got a minor cut on her chin.
Blood was EVERYWHERE.
That was the single worst moment of my life-I thought I killed them all.
It wasnt my truck-It was Bud Mortimore's. I went to the junk yard a year later and got my hat-I washed all the blood off it.
By the way-Bud is the grandson of the guy who Edgar Bergen named his dummy Mortimore Snerd after in Decatur,Michigan. Edgar Bergan is from Decatur-look it up.

WOAH!  Scary, but lucky!
I can't think of Edgar Bergen without thinking of Paul Winchell.

Jerry Mahoney and Knuklehead were updated versions of Charlie and Mortimore Snerd!
Bud told me that his grandpa made fun of Edger Bergen in school because he played with dolls. Guess he got the last laugh on them hillbillys.
Heres  a picture of Lugosi on stage with Paul Winchell!

[Olivia Bauer]

I've heard a variety of horror stories from my father, Jim Bauer, who happens to be a nurse.

Here are a few.

-A young boy came in with a severe blockage in his colon. Poor thing hasn't had a bowel movement in a long time. They removed his large intestine and squeezed the poo out of it like a tube of toothpaste and put it in buckets. And guess who got to take the buckets of feces out to the garbage! That's right, dear 'ol Dad!

-A biker who was training for the Olympics was biking down the highway at night when he got hit by a semi. His body was horribly mangled, with bones sticking out of limbs and blood everywhere. He was brought to the hospital but did not survive. Dad claims that was one of the most horrifying things he saw in his career.

[Olivia Bauer]

Also this is irrelevant to my life but THIS GUY...


(Noah "The Spoony One" Antwiler)

Had to clean poo up OFF THE CEILING of a public restroom.
I don't understand it myself.

Counter Monkey - The Toilet Pizza

[Trevor]

the seller had a few large pimples on the back of his neck, which he would surreptitiously squeeze the pus out of and then covertly wipe his fingers on the bun before he handed it to the buyer. 

Technically, he could have charged extra for this, but he didn't.  I think he should be applauded.

  + 

I have never forgotten that day when Aaron told me not to buy anything from that guy: I stuck to sandwiches for lunch until the end of that school year. 

[Alex]

Once when doing a course at Halton I arranged to meet a friend in London the day I was due to travel home. We had a couple of hours to kill before we got our train from Kings Cross so we went looking for a pub to have a few beers. We walked for quite a bit and couldn't find one until Richard (the friend) pointed to a rather ranshackle, black door with the remanants of a mosiac on the front step that could just about be made out saying "The Flying Scotsman" and said "I think that's a pub."

I didn't fancy the look of the place, but not seeing anywhere else we went inside. It was a roughly square room with a square bar in the middle. The had four different beers on tap and a very small selection of spirits. Since the only thing on tap I recognised with Stella Artois I order 2 pints and stood at the bar. I figured we'd have one or two and then go get our train. After a couple of minutes I got a tap on my shoulder and turning round I saw a fairly attractive young woman wearing what could best be described as dental floss. She had a pint glass with some coins in at. "Ah, I thought. Its that kind of bar." In the far corner of this dingy room was a small stage. Girls would collect a few pounds and go up and do a strip tease. Anyway, we had a couple of drinks, watched a couple of dances and before we left I decided I'd best go to the toilet. I don't know if it was a unisex toilet or if they only had a gents, but the toilet had no door on it, so anything you were going to do could be seen by people at the bar if they stood in just the right (or wrong) place. The toilet itself was the filthiest looking thing I have ever seen and I decided that actually using it would be opening myself up to the risk of all sorts of diseases.

A few days after I got home I decided to look up the pub on the internet. According to the guide I found to it the toilet was allegidly the inspiration for the toilet scene in Trainspotting, although to be honest the one in the film was a lot cleaner.

[Trevor]

According to the guide I found to it the toilet was allegidly the inspiration for the toilet scene in Trainspotting, although to be honest the one in the film was a lot cleaner.

That's good to know 

[retrorussell]

Ugh.. fortunately I don't think I'll have to clean this one up.. I got my toilet brush broken in the Chemotherapy restroom toilet (deep in the drain) and called the Energy Center to fix it.  They said they were busy with a leak in the interstitial area but would have a look at it.  I guess they never did.. I came in today and it was FILLED with poop.  They never even put a "Do Not Use" sign on the door.  I guess they told a nurse there that they needed to call a plumber.  I bet they could have fished the broken part out with a long pair of pliers.. idiots.

[ER]

Though veterans might remember I posted about it here a year ago, my husband and I had to clean up rental property after a handgun suicide.

Fun Fact! ---> After a couple days brain matter doesn't smell very good.

[indianasmith]

When my twin daughters were about ten months old, they and my wife all got stricken with a stomach bug the same weekend.  Between 6:30 AM and 9:45 in a single morning, I changed NINETEEN diapers - and the sheets on our bed when my wife wasn't quick enough to bolt for the bathroom. To this day that morning of horrors lives on in our memories as the infamous "Diarrhea Sunday"!!!!!