Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
March 28, 2024, 01:21:53 PM
713351 Posts in 53056 Topics by 7725 Members
Latest Member: wibwao
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  500 MPH STORM (2013) « previous next »
Pages: [1]
Author Topic: 500 MPH STORM (2013)  (Read 1607 times)
ulthar
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 368
Posts: 4168


I AM serious, and stop calling me Shirley


WWW
« on: September 05, 2014, 09:28:00 AM »

500 MPH STORM (2013)

When I saw Asylum on the opening screen, I knew we were in trouble.  I did not know just how MUCH trouble.

0.5 out of 5, and that's being generous.

This is one of those movies you laugh at not because it's funny-bad, but as a defense mechanism.  It is only through the saving grace of padded-room-1000-yard-stare laughter that can possibly get one through this.

The basic story stretches one's willingness to suspend disbelief, but even within the movie's own rules, this is just dumb.  That is, what they are doing makes no sense and how they try to stop it is...oh man, I just gagged a little trying to think of just how stupid this writing was.

The basic story is both simple and worn.  Government or government contract energy experiments lead to unintended consequences: crazy weather phenomena.  That's the pitch.  Then, the writers spent the 86 minutes of the actual story presenting that as dumb as humanly possible.  The device?  A giant light beam that shines into space that somehow extracts energy from the earth itself (magnetism and friction!), and...shines it into space.  Further, this light beam is generated by a reactor, so how is it 'extracting' energy again?

But the science fiction is not the real problem with this movie.  It's the execution.  Acting so bad it almost looked bad on purpose, plot points that are completely nonsense, characters that are...what?  Undeveloped (mentally, not writing wise)?  Special FX were ridiculous, and I'm not usually one to harp on the visuals of a movie.

Acting:  This movie demonstrated the age-old "look around" technique.  No real acting necessary if you keep your head in constant motion.

Characters: Someone on IMDB posted a question: "Was the son special needs?"  I was wondering something similar. Either that, or they cast a teenager to play a five year old.  The wife was ... happy to be there.  "Can I make you some sandwiches?"  Yeah, they just fled for their lives from a sudden freak storm and watched a bunch of people die, and she wants to MAKE SANDWICHES?

There's just so much wrong with this movie, I cannot even go into it all.

I mentioned recently that SEATTLE SUPERSTORM was not MANOS level of bad.  This one might well be.  The film making was THAT amateurish.  This is the kind of movie you see when MANOS level 'talent' gets a budget.

Sorry.  I thought I had what it takes to watch this Asylum feature.  Few movies make me ANGRY at their raw ineptness; this one did.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2014, 09:30:29 AM by ulthar » Logged

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Professor Hathaway:  I noticed you stopped stuttering.
Bodie:      I've been giving myself shock treatments.
Professor Hathaway: Up the voltage.

--Real Genius
Flangepart
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 653
Posts: 9477



« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2014, 12:38:13 PM »

This review has been presented for your safety. You have been warned.
Logged

"Aggressivlly eccentric, and proud of it!"
SynapticBoomstick
Cinematic Monster Fanatic from Weird New Jersey
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 92
Posts: 867


One monster with extra cheese, hold the plot.


WWW
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2014, 07:16:53 PM »

This is a prime example of "Asylum film titles Make Me Mad". I wasn't expecting any kind of sense in the plot. I don't buy into the zero-%$^#-given style of intentional bad movie making. You have to at least care in some way about what you're doing, otherwise I most certainly won't.
Logged

Kleel's rule is harsh :-B
Pages: [1]
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  500 MPH STORM (2013) « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.