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Author Topic: What do you do...?  (Read 5975 times)
Olivia Bauer
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« on: October 25, 2014, 11:27:11 AM »

What do you do when your best friend that you've known since elementary school is living with parents that mistreat them?

What do you do when said friend's parents can't be prosecuted for abuse?

What do you do when your friend tries to kill himself with a pair of scissors?

What do you do when you watch your friends languish but don't have the money to support them?

What do you do when you drive several miles to pick your friend up just to have his mother cancel as soon as you get to the door?

What do you do when your friend's father beats his wife and gets divorced?

What do you do when your friend's father comes to banging at the door looking for your mother?

What do you do when your best friend's step-father says "You're not my kid" to the him?

What do you do? I just don't know. I can't do anything for my closest friend.
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Newt
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« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2014, 12:00:31 PM »

Sounds horrific.

AJ sometimes the best you can do for another person is to be there

I was friends with a woman who told me she had been brutally assaulted weeks before.  She was an emtional mess.  Refused to go for counselling and could/would not tell her husband.  I was at a loss - felt completely helpless.

My Dad was an MD and was on the staff of a rape crisis centre in another city.   I asked him what I could do.  He told me that under the circumstances the best I could do would be to listen to her; just be there.

It wasn't easy.  She clearly needed help that was far beyond my capability. My hope was that in time she would get to the place where she was able to seek professional help.  That by 'being there' I was helping her toward that time.

In your case, since it involves people who are not adults (?), I would hope that you can talk in confidence to someone in a counselling position, for advice and support.  There has to be some option available for your friend.  It may be a juggling act to be there for them and stay safe yourself.   The fact that this person's father, in a violent mood (?)  came after YOUR mother is very concerning: sounds like basis for a police report?

Be careful but I do hope you are not finding yourself in a position where removing yourself from threat is the best option.  That would be very hard on you and your friend.  Talk to someone - a school counsellor? - who is in a position to know what to do.  Get help for both of you.
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indianasmith
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« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2014, 12:33:22 PM »

Ditto everything that Newt just said, and never forget the power of prayer.
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Olivia Bauer
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« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2014, 03:32:28 PM »

Ditto everything that Newt just said, and never forget the power of prayer.

My friend and I are atheists.
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RCMerchant
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« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2014, 03:45:05 PM »

You step in. You let him livee in your house.
You treat him like the family he nver had.
i HAVE done this-with Eathan,a good freind of mine who was in the same problem.
Of course he ended up a herion addict in prison-but he is out now.
You cant change the world-you can only change yourself.
I am very sorry.
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indianasmith
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« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2014, 07:09:36 PM »

Ditto everything that Newt just said, and never forget the power of prayer.

My friend and I are atheists.

Then I'll pray for both of you!
(Not intended as a slam, just an offer of the most positive thing I know how to give long-distance)
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« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2014, 07:26:50 PM »

What do you do when your best friend that you've known since elementary school is living with parents that mistreat them?

Do whatever you reasonably can to help without killing yourself with worry.

What do you do when said friend's parents can't be prosecuted for abuse?

Accept it. Your friend won't be a minor forever.

What do you do when your friend tries to kill himself with a pair of scissors?

Be there for him to talk to. Suggest seeing a psychiatrist/therapist. Make sure he has the number of a suicide hotline.

What do you do when you watch your friends languish but don't have the money to support them?

You'll suffer. Learn to deal with your own emotions.

What do you do when you drive several miles to pick your friend up just to have his mother cancel as soon as you get to the door?

Feel bad, but try not to let it discourage you.

What do you do when your friend's father beats his wife and gets divorced?

Listen to him if he wants to talk about it.

What do you do when your friend's father comes to banging at the door looking for your mother?

No idea. Tell him to go away. Is he harassing you? 

What do you do when your best friend's step-father says "You're not my kid" to the him?

Remind him he has good friends who care about him.

What do you do? I just don't know. I can't do anything for my closest friend.

I have a very close friend who's dealing with drug addiction right now. Not much I can actually do for her, but I do my best to support her when she makes progress. The important thing for me is to realize that me worrying about her won't help either of us. I do what I can for her knowing that she will have setbacks and problems, and try not to let it ruin my life.
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Olivia Bauer
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« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2014, 12:21:33 AM »

Thanks, guys.

I should have prefaced the part about his Dad yelling at our door. That was a long time ago and we've already taken appropriate legal recourse.

Ditto everything that Newt just said, and never forget the power of prayer.

My friend and I are atheists.

Then I'll pray for both of you!
(Not intended as a slam, just an offer of the most positive thing I know how to give long-distance)

No problem, my lack of belief doesn't change the fact that's a very kind gesture.
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RCMerchant
Bela
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« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2014, 05:36:09 AM »

Man- I was that kid-I ran away from home and hitchiked across the country at 16.
The most you can do is BE HIS FREIND.
You cant change his circumstances-only he can do that by GOING AWAY. How old is he? He can leave. He can just say "f**k IT".
I know thats hard-I did it with my own father-he and his wife (not my mother) beat us,abused us in evil ways.
I just ran away.
My brother Richie commited suicide-because of his drug addiction-which he got from the issues he had as a child-why do you think I started drinking at the age of 15.
It took me away from my s**t life.
Its a cop out-drugs,booze-but when your trapped-its the only way out,it seems.And the bad part is-once yer out-you end up with an addiction monkey on yer back.
It really sucks.
« Last Edit: October 26, 2014, 05:41:51 AM by RCMerchant » Logged

"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
RCMerchant
Bela
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"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


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« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2014, 05:50:45 AM »

There is NO real answer. Their is never a real way out.What the Rev sed is true-the most you can do is be his freind-let him know that life is all around you-it extends way beyond the small confines of your f**ked up family-there are good people out there in the world-you just gotta GO!
GO MAN! DO IT!
RUN TO THE SUN!
He can do it! Thumbup
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"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
RCMerchant
Bela
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"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


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« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2014, 05:57:03 AM »

I lived in the street in NYC when I was 16-ate garbage.
But it was so much better than living with my father.
I was FREE.
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"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
Olivia Bauer
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« Reply #11 on: October 27, 2014, 12:07:45 AM »

Uhh... I don't want my friend eating garbage, but thanks.
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Ed, Ego and Superego
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« Reply #12 on: October 27, 2014, 01:23:07 PM »

AJ,
 A agree with Newt, and even with Indy and have some other ideas, let me break it down. yeah the crisis is opne, but I hate to waste a speech.

1) You are not IN the problem, but just supporting your firend, ALWAYS keep that in mind.  You are outside. 
2) This is because if you get into the drama you will be less effective as help, the BEST thing you can be is a drama and danger free island for your friend. 
3) This will give both of you solid place to find strength.  If he decides to leave, you can help him find safety (probably not RC's garbage eating methods if at all possible). You cannot do this if you are IN the problem. 
4) Now Prayer... Fine be an athiest, but prayer is more than begging the big guy/gal/critter/object for help and rescue.  It is a way of focusing your mental spiritual and physical resouces to a problem.   It opens your eyes to possibilities and solutions you might not see otherwise.  Don't pray if you don't want to, but DO focus, meditate, think, and keep you r eyes and mind open for opportunites and yes, miracles.

Good luck to you both, its a scary world, but you can get through it.
-Ed

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Olivia Bauer
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« Reply #13 on: October 27, 2014, 04:30:47 PM »

Thanks for the advice, Ed.
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Flangepart
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« Reply #14 on: October 27, 2014, 05:21:24 PM »

The gang has made good points, and you should follow them. I'll keep you in mind, Compadre.
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