Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
March 28, 2024, 04:50:55 AM
713324 Posts in 53055 Topics by 7725 Members
Latest Member: wibwao
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Television  |  Bonekickers: "Warriors" (insanity) « previous next »
Pages: [1]
Author Topic: Bonekickers: "Warriors" (insanity)  (Read 3315 times)
akiratubo
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 480
Posts: 3801



« on: October 31, 2015, 10:06:59 PM »

I just kind of stumbled across this on Youtube and, boy, is it crazy!

I'm not going to do a full review but just check out this plot:

The "bonekickers" are a team of British archaeologists who get called to "special" or controversial sites to figure out The Real Truth.  In this episode, they are tasked with discovering the origins of some bones that somebody found just outside Bristol.  The bones were in chains, and other material found with them suggests they date from at least ten years after the abolition of slavery in England.  The Bonekickers have to find out if somebody was still illegally practicing slavery in the British Isles.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama a black United States Senator tells his "contacts" in the UK to keep an eye on the case.

The Bonekickers eventually figure out the truth.  Are you ready?

No, really, are you ready?

During the late 1770s, there was a group of African slaves in England who discovered Excalibur (!!!!!!!) and used it to fight their way to freedom.  They fled across the Atlantic to the Colonies, which were having a little bit of a revolution going on, as you may be aware.  George Washington made a deal with the Africans: if they used Excalibur to win the Revolutionary War for him, he'd grant them half the North American continent as a reward. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  With the power of Excalibur, the Africans did indeed almost entirely single-handedly defeat the British.  This left George Washington in a pickle.  Sure, they kept their end of the bargain, but he didn't really expect them to be able to defeat the British, you know, and half the continent was a little much to be handing over.  So, he had them chained up and sent back to England.  On a ship crewed by about four people.  And he let them keep Excalibur.

Of course, the Africans managed to overcome the four or five guys crewing the ship.  They chained them up and tossed them overboard just outside of Bristol (a-ha!) and went into hiding.  Even though, you know, they would be free men in England, since slavery had been outlawed, so there really wasn't a reason to kill those guys and go into hiding.  Where did they go into hiding, you ask?

I must ask you again: are you ready?

They carried the ship inland (as in, over their heads like you would a couch), buried it in a hillside (with their bare f**king hands), planted some kind of weed that only grows in Virginia on top of the spot to mark it, then just kind of hung around in the buried ship until they all died.  (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

HOLY s**t.  Now THAT is some insane f**king plotting, man!  Whatever the screenwriter was smoking, I want some of that s**t!

Unfortunately, Excalibur was not among the skeletons in the ship.  The leader of the Bonekickers, a horribly unpleasant woman named Magwilde, is bummed about this because she's a huge Excalibur fangirl.

Remember Barack Obama that U.S. Senator I mentioned?  Well, turns out he's a direct descendant of the African who wielded Excalibur (!!!!!!!!), and he figures this story will virtually guarantee him the White House.  (And, I guess if he wanted to make a stink about it, he could try to claim HALF THE FREAKING CONTINENT OF NORTH AMERICA.)

The End.

I may have to try some more episodes of this show!
Logged

Kneel before Dr. Hell, the ruler of this world!
BoyScoutKevin
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 277
Posts: 5030


« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2015, 05:00:13 PM »

While the show lasted only one season in 2008, there were actually 6 episodes of the show. Thus, there should be other episodes out there. Though, what you were talking about was the 2nd episode in the series. The 1st episode was "Army of God" in which a madman uses an archaeological find to re-start the Knights Templar and the Crusades. While not that controversial, when the show was 1st seen, it may be so controversial now, the episode may no longer be shown.

When I first saw the subject of the post, I actually thought it was for a reality show, where actual archaeological finds were used to highlight events in history. For example, Richard III of England, whose body was recently discovered, was known as "Crookback," and they found he actually had a crooked back or a severe curvature of the spine, which is believed to have taken 12 inches off of his height, if his spine had been normal.
Logged
Pages: [1]
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Television  |  Bonekickers: "Warriors" (insanity) « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.