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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  10 Heartbreaking Truths About Loneliness Single People Don't Say « previous next »
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Author Topic: 10 Heartbreaking Truths About Loneliness Single People Don't Say  (Read 3827 times)
AoTFan
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« on: December 02, 2016, 02:09:41 AM »


Man, I can so relate to these... except I don't really have enough "couples" friends to even be a third wheel most of the time.

http://www.yourtango.com/233213/10-heartbreaking-truths-about-loneliness-single-people-dont-say
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« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2016, 02:45:40 AM »

 I lived alone until I was 30 years old-before that-I never even had a girl freind.It's how I became a drunk-I would go to bars-just to see other people-and drink myself into a stupor.
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« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2016, 09:31:12 AM »

I lived alone until I was 30 years old-before that-I never even had a girl freind.It's how I became a drunk-I would go to bars-just to see other people-and drink myself into a stupor.

I'd used to drink a lot in the mid 90's (work/college/no personal life)...

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ER
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« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2016, 11:03:59 AM »

I've been lucky never to have been lonely, but in college I did suffer a loss that left me transformed by sadness and so I withdrew from life for a while, and the people around me went on with their day to day existences, and they started thinking of me as odd and it all began to take on a vibe that reminded me of a few of the things on that list, with the result being I was often asked to be their designated driver while they went out and got hammered and lived normally, and then they started kind of talking to me like how long is this going to go on, you staying by yourself so much?

I went to college far from home, knew no one when I got there in 1997, no one knew me, it was a blank slate, so it was almost interesting to be thought of one way by the people there, and almost 180 degrees differently by the people at home who knew me in high school and earlier. It like having two different lives, almost, in one place I was the outgoing high schooler who'd had the college boyfriend, and in the other, to these New Englanders, I was this former Catholic schoolgirl from the clunky Midwest who all across senior year never went out and seemed staid and reliably predictable. After a time I just started going along with it and even found some slightly bleak enjoyment in living up to their ideas about me while I was more or less all alone.

I'd tell them, "We Irish experience sadness more keenly than normal people." They'd laugh, think I was kidding, but in a way I wasn't sure I was.

They'd go out, my friends, I'd sit home in the dark, look at car lights on a distant hill, get lost in what was inside me, at two AM they'd call me and ask for rides, I'd go get them, because I never drank (somehow missing that other infamous part of Irishness, I guess).

It was a strange time.

Then I went home after graduation and eventually more or less became myself again, but even today when I talk to many of those who knew me up there, they say things that leave me thinking a lot of them really had the wrong impression of me based on my tailspin into grief.

You know, I Think All The Lonely People is one of the most poignant songs ever written. We've all heard it a hundred times, but have you ever really listened to it? To be inescapably lonely must be terrifying.
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« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2016, 05:19:47 PM »

I think the thing about loneliness that is so maddening, in my experience, is that most people don't get it if they haven't gone through it. When you finally break and try to express it to other people, they (again, in my experience as yours may differ) either act indifferent or embarrassed and often ignore/avoid you unless you put on a "happy" face. I'd like to think they do this because you are revealing a darkness that they sense lives in themselves, and they don't want to face it.

If that isn't the case, then they are just a***oles who should never ask how you feel.
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LilCerberus
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« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2016, 06:18:44 PM »

Funny how there are so many songs about, yet...

We used to have a chapter of Emotions Anonymous in my town. Good place to "Justify My Existence" & get a free hug. I miss that.

One of the reasons I had to quit WRIR recently, was because of how they rearranged the shifts & started closing off the windows. I just wasn't interacting with other people anymore.

I still try, with one or two local film & acting clubs, but the kind of hypocrisy I encounter always shakes me a little.
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« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2016, 04:34:21 AM »

Cerebus-when I was in middle school,I was popular in 5th grade-then my thyroid glands shut off-I gained about 60 ponds-I was very overweight-and all of a sudden-POW-! I had no freinds anymore. I withdrew into myself and turned into a major book worm and maniac depressive. I never talked to people. EVER. for about 3 years-then my a***ole father FINALLY took me to a doctor and got me on meds-I lost all the weight-and all of a sudden they wanted to know me again. But I hated them all now. I started doing drugs in high school. And getting real crazy anti-social-fighting and s**t. Teenagers can be cruel.
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"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
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LilCerberus
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« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2016, 09:05:20 PM »

I think any of us could write a book about our screwed up childhood, and who knows, it might help.

The article is about how we have to deal with people who just can't relate with the concept of alienation in adulthood.

An example might be a guy I know who made a short film about addiction not too long ago, yet earlier this week, couldn't understand why I quit drinking nineteen years ago. Lookingup
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AoTFan
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« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2016, 11:01:33 PM »


Me, I've just always had a lot of trouble interacting with people in general.  Among other things, I have an odd sense of humor.  And also, you know that thing most people have in their brains that stops them BEFORE they say something stupid/weird/inappropriate or that'll easily be misinterpreted?  Well, I think my filter doesn't work so well.  I've gotten a little better at building it up over the years, but...

It's still a work in progress.  Often the cycle will look like this:  Finally overcome urge to be isolative and want to try and do something. Go somewhere.  Attempt to start conversation with someone.  Inadvertently say something stupid/inappropriate/weird.  Person immediately shuts down.  Feel embarrassed/stupid/awkward.  Wonder why you bother trying.  Regress back to isolation.  Repeat. 

I don't know, I could go on and on about this subject but I'll save it for later. 
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Paquita
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« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2016, 10:15:19 PM »


Me, I've just always had a lot of trouble interacting with people in general.  Among other things, I have an odd sense of humor.  And also, you know that thing most people have in their brains that stops them BEFORE they say something stupid/weird/inappropriate or that'll easily be misinterpreted?  Well, I think my filter doesn't work so well.  I've gotten a little better at building it up over the years, but...

It's still a work in progress.  Often the cycle will look like this:  Finally overcome urge to be isolative and want to try and do something. Go somewhere.  Attempt to start conversation with someone.  Inadvertently say something stupid/inappropriate/weird.  Person immediately shuts down.  Feel embarrassed/stupid/awkward.  Wonder why you bother trying.  Regress back to isolation.  Repeat. 

I don't know, I could go on and on about this subject but I'll save it for later. 

I think I suffer from this too - I think it's a mixture of being socially awkward and overly thoughtful.  I started studying manners a few years ago to try to build confidence and reassure myself that I'm not being rude.  It hasn't really helped me too much socially, but now I love learning about manners!  -Not always practicing though  Wink.
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javakoala
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« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2016, 01:00:07 PM »


Me, I've just always had a lot of trouble interacting with people in general.  Among other things, I have an odd sense of humor.  And also, you know that thing most people have in their brains that stops them BEFORE they say something stupid/weird/inappropriate or that'll easily be misinterpreted?  Well, I think my filter doesn't work so well.  I've gotten a little better at building it up over the years, but...

It's still a work in progress.  Often the cycle will look like this:  Finally overcome urge to be isolative and want to try and do something. Go somewhere.  Attempt to start conversation with someone.  Inadvertently say something stupid/inappropriate/weird.  Person immediately shuts down.  Feel embarrassed/stupid/awkward.  Wonder why you bother trying.  Regress back to isolation.  Repeat. 

I don't know, I could go on and on about this subject but I'll save it for later. 

I think I suffer from this too - I think it's a mixture of being socially awkward and overly thoughtful.  I started studying manners a few years ago to try to build confidence and reassure myself that I'm not being rude.  It hasn't really helped me too much socially, but now I love learning about manners!  -Not always practicing though  Wink.


Manners? What the hell are those?

But, yeah, I tend to say things the instant they pop in my head, even though I can hear a very tiny voice trying to shout, "Stop. Stop! STOP!!!" Then the big voice in my head says, "Why? I didn't do anything wrong."

About that time another voice whispers, "Burn everything to the ground, and no one will be any wiser."

Seriously though, I've been told by a previous therapist that people who have a touch of autistic spectrum disorder (ADHD/ADD, Asperger's syndrome and the like) tend to lack that filter that keeps you from holding back on things better left not said.
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Flangepart
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« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2016, 03:37:16 PM »

I think the thing about loneliness that is so maddening, in my experience, is that most people don't get it if they haven't gone through it. When you finally break and try to express it to other people, they (again, in my experience as yours may differ) either act indifferent or embarrassed and often ignore/avoid you unless you put on a "happy" face. I'd like to think they do this because you are revealing a darkness that they sense lives in themselves, and they don't want to face it.

If that isn't the case, then they are just a***oles who should never ask how you feel.
No small truth there, Compadre. Them what been there, know where you're comming from. Anyone else...we'll, they will know someday.
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