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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The New BMDO Home of Anecdotes, Life Stories, Erotic Tales, or Alien Encounters. « previous next »
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Author Topic: The New BMDO Home of Anecdotes, Life Stories, Erotic Tales, or Alien Encounters.  (Read 4662 times)
316zombie
zombie chef to the stars
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« Reply #45 on: November 02, 2017, 04:44:33 PM »

nah, it's just her karma to be like this in THIS lifespan.
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indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
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Karma: 1903
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A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #46 on: November 02, 2017, 10:51:00 PM »

So I am reviewing my sophomores today for our World History test on the Roman Empire, and I'm summing up a definition of the Emperor Nero for them.  I mentioned that, besides likely poisoning his uncle/adoptive father Claudius, he also killed his pregnant wife Poppea Sabina by kicking and stomping her to death.  Besides the usual expressions of disgust/horror, there were a couple of looks of puzzlement.
"How do you kick someone to death?" someone asked.
"Basically you throw them on the floor and jump up and down on them till they die," I explained.

At which one kid said: "He probably thought 'Man, this trampoline SUCKS!' "

 Buggedout Buggedout Buggedout Buggedout Buggedout

I told him that was wrong on a quantum level.
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Trevor
Doctor of Zombology
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South African Film Activist and Chief Troublemaker


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« Reply #47 on: November 03, 2017, 07:22:18 AM »

"How do you kick someone to death?" someone asked.
"Basically you throw them on the floor and jump up and down on them till they die," I explained.

At which one kid said: "He probably thought 'Man, this trampoline SUCKS!' "

 Buggedout Buggedout Buggedout Buggedout Buggedout

I told him that was wrong on a quantum level.

 BuggedoutTeddyR TeddyR TeddyR
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AoTFan
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Karma: 193
Posts: 1203



« Reply #48 on: November 05, 2017, 12:44:43 AM »

I haven't yet read all the way through this thread, but I'm hoping someone Eve posted an erotic tale or two....
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ER
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The world becomes a dream....


« Reply #49 on: November 05, 2017, 11:29:05 AM »

I haven't yet read all the way through this thread, but I'm hoping someone Eve posted an erotic tale or two....

For you, an erotic tale.

Once upon a time in the days when Byron was but a boy and the king was mad, there did live upon the generous bosom of the green and fertile land of Merry Olde England a highwayman named Percy Lowerbulge, who enjoyed a reputation far and wide as a lover of most extreme deftness, so that all the ladies from the inner garment district to the moist lowlands swooned at the mere whisper of his infamous name.

"Percy...." they'd secretly coo in the dark, abed but fully awake. "Percy...."

One moonlit evening this handsome highwayman, well-endowed with a storied reputation, mounted on a heaving black stallion named Dickin, stopped the Brighton to Somerset coach, and as he pointed his long, long pistol and called, "Stand and deliver!" a comely lass named Lacey Bottoms, from the town of Maidenhead, stepped forth and said from behind the fan which modestly covered her face, "I am merely a poor soul, sir, and have but one jewel to my name. Surely you would not pluck my jewel by force?"

The virile highwayman let his eyes travel from this girl's crown to her ankles and slowly back up again, noting that her curves were like that of the Thames as it snakes toward the sea, and her skin was as unblemished as the moon reflected in a mountain spring. He smiled and saucily replied, "Indeed, lass, I would not, for never in my career have I had to steal that which ever would freely be given me."

"Well, first sir," the young lady said with a demure batting of her eye and a flush upon her bosom, "you needs must locate my jewel."

"Into the woods let us go then," Percy the Highwayman called up lustily. "And I shall find it in three seconds, though taking it I assure you shall require pleasantly longer."

A moment later the other passengers were intrigued to hear such a stirring in the dark woods as to raise all eyebrows and quicken every heart. There was the noise of cloth ripping and sighs echoing, followed by a bashing and crashing amid the trees as bushes shook and birds flew and some said the ground itself quaked through many upward thrusts....of the hands of a clock.

At last just as from some direction a cock did crow there came a throaty scream so that the coachman poked the baggage handler and said, "Well that's done then, ain't it?"

A moment later the lass, Lacey Bottoms, returned, her dress wrinkled, her hair undone, and all were dismayed to see it was with the highway's severed head, swinging it from a length of rope.

As the other passengers stared aghast, this young girl, whose name was not truly Lacey Bottoms, but Sweet Mary the Bounty Hunter, explained, "Well I 'ad to give 'im one last swivvy 'fore I got me twenty Guineas 'Dead or Alive' reward, didn't I?"

And that's how my six times great grandmother paid for her passage to America, and how my five times great grandfather was born nine months later.

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"If I should meet thee after long years,

How shall I greet thee? With silence, and tears."

--Lord Byron
AoTFan
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Posts: 1203



« Reply #50 on: November 05, 2017, 03:39:01 PM »

I haven't yet read all the way through this thread, but I'm hoping someone Eve posted an erotic tale or two....

Opps, that should be someWHERE. 

Yeesh.
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316zombie
zombie chef to the stars
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« Reply #51 on: November 06, 2017, 11:42:01 PM »

i admit, i WAS a little curious about who you were calling eve, lol!
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AoTFan
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« Reply #52 on: November 06, 2017, 11:54:14 PM »

i admit, i WAS a little curious about who you were calling eve, lol!

ER's real name is Eve.  I think it's kind weird to call someone "ER" so she said I could call her Eve.  :)
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316zombie
zombie chef to the stars
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 126
Posts: 1702



« Reply #53 on: November 07, 2017, 12:08:58 AM »

i probably knew that in the past and forgot..btw,you can call me barri, if you like. :)
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Dark Alex
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« Reply #54 on: November 21, 2017, 04:05:17 PM »

In my prior life as a roadie, we'd often find ourselves drinking after the gig and quite often partying with the locals. It wasn't unusual for us to wake up spread all over a city with whoever we'd ended up going home with instead of our hotel (or in the back of the tour / bus or van on the less well funded tours) and then have to try and gather everyone up for the next days travelling (or sometimes even when you were travelling later that night). This was in the days before mobile phones became ubiquitous and could be quite a challange.

One particular night we ended up going back home with a group of young ladies. I've always assumed the house belonged to at least one of them, but for all I know they could have been squatting there. I think we were somewhere in south eastern Europe in the middle of winter, but to be honest when you are touring places blur into one another and for I know we could have been in Siberia in summer time and I would have been none the wiser. I can't remember if any of us actually spoke the same language but we all seemed to be having fun regardless. I was drinking my usual poison and various pills and other sundries were being passed around the others.

Can't remember that much about the house we went back to, although it did seem to be on the large side. At some point I went to sleep on the floor. When I woke up later it was still dark and I could hear someone walking around. My throat was dry and I was fumbling around trying to find a drink when a feminine scented hand pressed a finger to my lips and pushed me back down to the floor, unbuttoned my trousers and slid my clothes off me before climbing on top of me.

We made love for several hours in the darkness until we fell asleep wrapped up in each other arms, exhausted and sastified.

In the morning (ok, fine mid afternoon) I woke up and with a few others of the road crew made our way to the tour bus. I never knew her name, I never saw her face in the dark. I never laughed and boasted with the other guys about what'd happened that night. I can remember how her scent but I always knew that if we ever made love again I'd know her just by running my hands over her body and breathing in her presence the way we did in the dark that night long ago.

Does she ever think of, or remember me? I was single perhaps I'd dig out the old tour schedules, figure out where I was that night and take a trip to where ever it was. I'd go for a walk around and perhaps we'd see each other and remember. A slight mischevious smile would play over our faces and we'd pass each other by as the memories came flooding back then go on our seperate ways.

Somehow not knowing though makes the memory better.

Got the anecdotes, life stories and erotic tales part covered. Now all I need is an alien encounter and I have the full set. Some day though I will have to tell you about the moustache compitition we used to have on tour (and it wasn't to grow one or shave one off). I am really not sure where that one would fit in though. Maybe ER would have to do a Seedy & Sordid Stories thread to bring that one out lol. Or when we had to stop that one and what we replaced it with...
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There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
AoTFan
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 193
Posts: 1203



« Reply #55 on: November 21, 2017, 05:47:29 PM »

I haven't yet read all the way through this thread, but I'm hoping someone Eve posted an erotic tale or two....

For you, an erotic tale.

That was a funny tale!  Course, I'd hoped you would have posted something in first person, starting along the lines like, "I'd never thought of doing something with another woman before, until one day back in college when I joined a sorority/had a sleepover/hired a new secretary..."

 TeddyR TeddyR
« Last Edit: December 07, 2017, 01:35:27 PM by AoTFan » Logged
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1903
Posts: 11748


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #56 on: November 24, 2017, 12:18:55 PM »

And a beautiful memory it was!

I'd share the tale of the time I climbed Mt. Fujiyama in Japan, but it doesn't end as well.
Altitude sickness sucks!
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Dark Alex
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 325
Posts: 2284



« Reply #57 on: December 07, 2017, 04:48:49 PM »

Just over ten years ago when I still used to be able to run I was doing a 10km run with a friend to the beach and then along to the lighthouse. One of my legs was hurting a fair bit and after a couple of kay Scott stopped me and told me he could see a large lump on the side of my calf muscle.

I poked and prodded it a bit, it was quite tender and sore so we called the run off and I made an appointment with the docs. In the meantime I was pretty terrified imagining it was some sort of tumour and I'd end up losing my leg. Apparently I am much more bothered by that than the thought of dying. Indeed I found expecting to die an unexpectedly relaxing experience, but that's another story. Anyway, the doctor had a look at it. He was able to confirm it wasn't the sort of thing I was worried about, but he wasn't quite sure exactly what it was. Tests were done and a surprisingly long time (I think it was three months) I got the results back. Anyway everything was fine and by this time the lump was gone, so all was fine.

Earlier on tonight I was lying in a nice warm bubble bath and as I was washing my leg I could feel a lump right below my knee. For a few seconds I felt panic rising again, and then I thought "Hey wait a sec, that's the same spot where I repeatidly banged my knee recently. No wonder I have a lump there.
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There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1903
Posts: 11748


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #58 on: December 08, 2017, 05:28:17 PM »

Where I work interns come and go in seasonal crops that run in semester lines. A few have stayed longer, but mostly you barely get used to them, and they're gone.

Well a half-dozen intern-generations ago we had a particularly outgoing group and one day they conspired to see if they could get me to drink too much, mostly because they were a partying bunch of little artsy-fartsy types who thought it'd be funny to see what I was like three sheets to the wind, and so they took me out to lunch on a Friday and began this "I Never" game that I said I was going to sit out, except I cannot resist answering an analytical question (I'd be helpless before a thread like that here, so have mercy and nobody start one), so even though I skipped booze at first they got me and I played along as they proceeded to let me in on the fact that these nice girls were reprobates who'd done everything humanly possible, from drugs to hard crime to "fleshy" things, proving yet again that Millennials make X-ers seem Puritanical.

But it was when they finally worked their way forward from, "Take a drink if you've done it with more than three people...five...ten...a dozen...fifteen..." and there were actually still some drinking at that point---they were only like twenty-one years old!!!!---that I finally decided I had better put aside my cranberry juice and have something stronger to clear all this from my mind.

Boy did I walk into their trap as they gleefully bought me paint-thinner-ish concoctions with funny names til I rapidly became so sloshed my boss had to call my husband and say, "I think you better come get your wife."

I was so peeved I fired every intern without references and to this day I make a point of bringing them trouble whenever I can. Like the other day one of them left her newborn in a mall nursery-area while she Christmas shopped, and I bribed the attendant to tell her she let the kid leave with someone claiming to be an uncle. Oh, that was a hoot.

Oh, all right, so I made that last paragraph up, I never fired anyone or stole their children, but from that Friday til they departed at semester's end, I never quite made eye contact with any of them again, and I've neeeeever gone drinking with interns anymore.

Most virtue is hard-won, you see.
[/















Never trust millenials with alcohol!
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
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