The BMDO Advice Column

[ER]

Gotta admit, the place needs one, so here's your chance to be Dear Abby, except alive.

Write about your personal problem, then someone else offers advice. Etc and etc.

Fr'instance, I have this...friend, who wants to punch one of her children's teachers in the throat for being a total choad. So what do you think I, er, I mean my friend should do about her throat-punching desire in light of the parent-teacher conference that's coming up Wednesday?

Also this friend is a serial killer.

Thanks!

[javakoala]

First rule of being a serial killer: Never kill in your backyard. Meaning: You, I mean, your friend has a direct connection to that choad of a teacher. Not a good idea. Keep it random.

Maybe you could make friends with...well, your friend should make friends with other serial killers. That way, they could do each other favors, if you get my meaning.

[indianasmith]

My favorite team keeps losing to an obnoxious group of Yankees from a town we will call Blue Harbor, in a state that manufactures lots of cheese.
Should I take out a contract on their invincible quarterback?

[ER]

My favorite team keeps losing to an obnoxious group of Yankees from a town we will call Blue Harbor, in a state that manufactures lots of cheese.
Should I take out a contract on their invincible quarterback?

No, you should place large bets against your team. Worked for Pete Rose!

[ER]

First rule of being a serial killer: Never kill in your backyard. Meaning: You, I mean, your friend has a direct connection to that choad of a teacher. Not a good idea. Keep it random.

Maybe you could make friends with...well, your friend should make friends with other serial killers. That way, they could do each other favors, if you get my meaning.

Networking! Good advice!

[316zombie]

indi, you mess with aaron,you die, slowly and painfully. my serial killer friends will take care of  that. one of them is my baby sister and she is VICIOUS! 

[indianasmith]

indi, you mess with aaron,you die, slowly and painfully. my serial killer friends will take care of  that. one of them is my baby sister and she is VICIOUS! 

Can I just bribe him to take early retirement, then?

[316zombie]

oh sure, you can try. she still might kill you anyway,we are rabid packer backers,and she works at the stadium view, the big sports bar on the edge of lambeau's parking lot.
   i strongly recommend you stay away from there if the bribe works, lol! if i recall, she bought your book on ebay, she'll remember you!

[indianasmith]

Well, I certainly wouldn't want to offend one of my readers, would I?

[ER]

I been thinking about having a new bathroom built at the house, converting mostly unused closet space, one just for my son, letting the girls have their own, and I was thinking of putting a urinal in there. Good idea? Yes? No? Fewer splashes to clean up, mebbe? Thoughts, anyone?

[Alex]

Just remember you need to put urinal cakes in them or they smell really badly.

[ER]

Good advice! Plus urinal cakes remind me of Patrick Bateman feeding one to his girlfriend.

[Alex]

Ok, so this is something that has been on my mind for a while. Although I did make a decision on it, it is something that does pray on my mind still.

I used to work beside this woman who I will call Bobette. We get on ok, not friends just work mates. She seems a nice enough girl. Anyway, I moved on where I worked and she went elsewhere too. Then I went to the Falklands and mentioned Bobette had been there before me to one of the guys who had been there longer than me.

He replied "Oh yeah, I remember her. One of the chiefs had a home made porn film with her in it. She was having sex with a guy in a toilet and she didn't know someone had put there phone over the door and was filming it. He showed me it."

I got back from the Falklands and low and behold, Bobette was now working in the same building as me again.

I spent quite some months debating on wither or not to tell Bobette. On the one hand if it was me I would want to know, although given my past, well lets just say its not something that would bother me that much.

On the other hand I did not see the video for myself so I cannot 100% say it does exist, or if it does that it is even Bobette actually in the video. If I do tell her about it, she is going to assume I have seen it regardless of what I say. She may already know about it and might be really embarrassed by it and knowing that people she works with know about it might make life really difficult and awkward for her.

Besides how would you even start that conversation? "Hey Bobette, guess what I heard about you?" and wither or not I tell her about it won't take it out of circulation.

So after three months of thinking about it, I decided there was nothing for Bobette to gain by me telling her. But I do every time I bump into her spend a bit of time wondering if that was the right decision or not.

[Rev. Powell]

Ok, so this is something that has been on my mind for a while. Although I did make a decision on it, it is something that does pray on my mind still.

I used to work beside this woman who I will call Bobette. We get on ok, not friends just work mates. She seems a nice enough girl. Anyway, I moved on where I worked and she went elsewhere too. Then I went to the Falklands and mentioned Bobette had been there before me to one of the guys who had been there longer than me.

He replied "Oh yeah, I remember her. One of the chiefs had a home made porn film with her in it. She was having sex with a guy in a toilet and she didn't know someone had put there phone over the door and was filming it. He showed me it."

I got back from the Falklands and low and behold, Bobette was now working in the same building as me again.

I spent quite some months debating on wither or not to tell Bobette. On the one hand if it was me I would want to know, although given my past, well lets just say its not something that would bother me that much.

On the other hand I did not see the video for myself so I cannot 100% say it does exist, or if it does that it is even Bobette actually in the video. If I do tell her about it, she is going to assume I have seen it regardless of what I say. She may already know about it and might be really embarrassed by it and knowing that people she works with know about it might make life really difficult and awkward for her.

Besides how would you even start that conversation? "Hey Bobette, guess what I heard about you?" and wither or not I tell her about it won't take it out of circulation.

So after three months of thinking about it, I decided there was nothing for Bobette to gain by me telling her. But I do every time I bump into her spend a bit of time wondering if that was the right decision or not.

I agree, nothing to be gained and you don't really have hard (erm) evidence, it's just a rumor.

[ER]

Ok, so this is something that has been on my mind for a while. Although I did make a decision on it, it is something that does pray on my mind still.

I used to work beside this woman who I will call Bobette. We get on ok, not friends just work mates. She seems a nice enough girl. Anyway, I moved on where I worked and she went elsewhere too. Then I went to the Falklands and mentioned Bobette had been there before me to one of the guys who had been there longer than me.

He replied "Oh yeah, I remember her. One of the chiefs had a home made porn film with her in it. She was having sex with a guy in a toilet and she didn't know someone had put there phone over the door and was filming it. He showed me it."

I got back from the Falklands and low and behold, Bobette was now working in the same building as me again.

I spent quite some months debating on wither or not to tell Bobette. On the one hand if it was me I would want to know, although given my past, well lets just say its not something that would bother me that much.

On the other hand I did not see the video for myself so I cannot 100% say it does exist, or if it does that it is even Bobette actually in the video. If I do tell her about it, she is going to assume I have seen it regardless of what I say. She may already know about it and might be really embarrassed by it and knowing that people she works with know about it might make life really difficult and awkward for her.

Besides how would you even start that conversation? "Hey Bobette, guess what I heard about you?" and wither or not I tell her about it won't take it out of circulation.

So after three months of thinking about it, I decided there was nothing for Bobette to gain by me telling her. But I do every time I bump into her spend a bit of time wondering if that was the right decision or not.

If you didn't shoot the video and you haven't seen it, and you're not sure if it's even real, not mentioning it is maybe your best course of action, though if you do ever tell her, you may want to keep it low-key and say without making a big deal that you heard a lame rumor about "some video" shot of "some woman" on base, having monkey sex in a restroom, yeah, like that's going to happen around here, huh? At that point if there's a chance it's her that should start her cogs and wheels turning. (No need to get anyone mad around the WMDs kept on site.)

PS Bobette is an inspired choice of pseudonym.