Dark Alex's Really Long Post Thread.

[Trevor]

Family shot from Ash's naming day.



From left to right we have James, Cameron, Dawn and Adam (my older brothers family), Hali (Kristi's sister in law), me, Marc (Kristi's younger brother), Kristi and Ash, Lori (Kristi's mum), my little sister Elizabeth, Linda & Stewart (younger brother & wife) and then my mum.

Nice 

[Alex]

Well that is Hali and Marc heading back off to the states after a somewhat frentic week. Two down and three more guests to go. My mum and sister go home tomorrow and Lori on Monday. After that we can start putting our lifes back in order lol. Our bedroom looks like a terrorist group targetted it for major destruction.

Marc was asking me if we'd be settling in the UK or the USA when my contract is up in five and a half years. It's something we have discussed a lot. We do actually have a list of things that we prefer in each country but pretty much two major issues decided on us remaining in the UK, although occasionally Kristi has shown some sign of homesickness so that might change. Pretty much it comes down to we prefer the gun laws and medical system in the UK. Marc did mention that the US is a big country and the chances of Ash being in a school when it was attacked are incredibly low, but I also countered that the last time I was over a massacre was very narrowly prevented at a school his niece had attended which kind of brought things a bit closer to home for him. I don't like the idea of moving to another country though and trying to change it, so I guess that is something I'd have to get used to were we to decide to move.

Some of the things on the preferences list are slightly odd, like we both prefer the way toilets flush in the US, and that a Country Boy Double Burger with Bacon and Cheese is the best burger I have ever had, and kept me fed for almost two days. We also perfer driving on the wider US roads. How the military is treated is a big mixture, with both sides doing certain elements better than the other.

I think in the end though, we decided if we were going to move, we'd split the difference and go to Canada.

Not the French speaking part though obviously. I have some standards y'know.

As of yesterday, the day of leaving is 1888 days away. Did you know wax straws were first patented in 1888? Or that a three day blizzard in the north eastern US killed 400 peoples? Also the first football league was formed.

[indianasmith]

Come to Texas and I will teach you the fine art of arrowhead hunting!

[Pacman000]

Hunting with nothin' but some tiny sharpened stones? 

I thought you needed a bow & some sticks & feathers & a bow string &...

 

[Alex]

Early finish tonight, the joy of which is slightly tempered by the news we heard that one of the guys from the base has died out on ops. We had actually heard last night, but we were keeping it quiet until after his family had been informed.

One of the topics of conversation tonight was about how they would repatriate the body to bring him home. From what we've heard it sounds like he was accidently hit by a taxi. You travel that far around the world to help fight a war and you get killed in a way that could happen to anyone walking down the street.

[Alex]

And then there was one.

My mum and Elizabeth went home today just leaving Lori, who goes home on Monday, which by coincidence is also my birthday and most years also a national holiday meaning I very rarely had to go to school on my birthday and well as getting it off work.

Went in on nights, got all all my work done by about five past six and my boss said, fair enough. If you've done everything you can go home. Not going to complain about that. And I don't have to worry about going back until Tuesday.

As always it is nice having visitors, but it is also nice just to have time to ourselves when they've left.

We seem to be having a bit of Jurassic movie night tonight. Lori had only ever seen the first one. I have a cousin who worked on the computer effects for the sequels. Charles always did love computers.

Mentioned to my mum that me and Kristi were going to go off for a weekend or something together after our guests have left and she insisted on giving me £100 towards that. I worry she isn't leaving herself enough money but if I refused it, it would only hurt her feelings.

Hoping I can get some time and I'll do some writing while we are back to just the three of us. Of course Ash may have some say in that and what I do with my free time.

[Alex]

Discovered my mother in law hadn't seen any Star Wars films since Revenge of the Sith. Given its May the fourth, today it seems appropriate to have a Star Wars day. We are starting with Rogue One, The Force Awakens and then The Last Jedi.

Of course I prefer tomorrow, when its Revenge of the Fifth.

Dagon got his first set of immunisations yesterday. He is a bit older than I'd normally have liked to get them given he is around a year old now, but it has been a busy year. He was fine when he got the jags but boy did he look ill last night. He just lay slumped on Kristi until she had to move and then he crawled over into his travel case and lay inside there, which is all very unusual behaviour for him. Normally he is running around all night looking for attention. Anyway, I took him upstairs when I went to bed and Kristi decided to sleep downstairs with the baby in his cot. Dagon didn't move all night. Fortunately he appears to feel a lot better today and is back to his normal self.

Spent last night looking through bestiaries looking for two suitable creature types for the D&D campaign. Finally got two that will work and will hopefully provide a surprise for the party. Hopefully we'll get another game next weekend as all our guests will have went home. What can I say, having a break from reality helps keep me sane.

Certainly a lot of the films I watch need something to counter balance them lol.

[Alex]

Watched Black Panther yesterday, so I guess I am all caught up now and ready to see Infinity Wars. To be honest I couldn't see why BP was such a big hit beyond people going to see it because there aren't many big mainstream movies about black superheroes I guess.

Or maybe there are and I've just never heard of them?

There was a Scottish theme day on in the town today, so we took Lori in for that, so she could see the pipe bands and whatnot. They had some battle reenactments going on, which I struggled not to mock. They were parrying each other blades with their claymores rather than their shields and doing the thing when you spin around to strike at your opponent. You know what I call that bit of a fight?

That is the bit where I stick my sword into your back and let it protrude from your chest. Hey, if you can keep spinning once I've done that you'll even cut yourself in half for me. Hollywood has a lot to answer for there.

And don't get me started on the whole holding the gun sideways and firing thing that they do. You want to get a jam in your gun, cos unless you are using a revolver that is a good way to get one.

Took Ash into a toyshop today. I figured he is owed 8 weeks worth of back pay on pocket money and got him some toys. Got him a microphone thing so he is getting random noises out of that just now which seems to be keeping him amused. The others he can get a few months down the line. Kristi did stop me from buying him a huge lego kit though.

[Alex]

It was going to write about something light and moderately amusing tonight, but my mind has wandered to other places.

I find it slightly ironic that as my depression slips away that I am finding something I had thought long gone returning. My anger at the world. It is no where near what it was from my early teens all the way through to my late twenties, but it is building. All the venom that has been missing since I went to the effort of putting a curse on someone.

Quite a few people have told me I am a nice guy. Until I was about 12 to be honest I'd have agreed. After that I spent somewhere around a decade and a half living on rage and hate. Oh, if only I could tell them of the things I had done during those years. Things that I am aware would be considered bad, even evil (although what you consider evil and what I consider it may vary quite considerably) and yet I feel no guilt about them. But then guilt is a rare visitor on my emotional plane. I tend to maintain a group of friends who I look at as being my conscience for me since I don't seem to carry one around with me. The people that fulfil that role change over the years and rarely know that I think of that way.

I can't even say that all of that is in my past and I am a different man now, or that I wouldn't do the same again if I was put in the same situation. Even to this day I still reserve my anger for people I feel have used me. This comes in handy when I decide to plot some long gestating revenge plot. I seem to have taken a line from a movie I watched as a child to heart. "Don't get mad, get even."*

One thing is different though these days from the younger me, who if you'd given him the big red button would have happily pushed it and let the gods sort out the mess afterwards.

For once in my life I actually have a stake in the future. I have a little man who for some years to come is going to depend on me (and his mum) for everything.

Despite my years as a roadie, casual sex and whatnot, I have made sure of one thing. I have no fear of a knock at the door and someone turning up and saying "Hey, you are my dad!" The same precautions have also ensured that I've never picked up an STD either, so I am fairly confident they have worked.

When I look at little Ash lying in my arms and his three states that define his world (I am hungry, I am asleep, I am lying awake but not crying), I wish I could be passing a better world onto him.

For someone who (in Druidic terms) rode the apocalypse train (a term we used to describe those who despared of the human race sorting itself out and encouraged it to race to its own self destruction as quickly as possible in order to let some other species have a go) this is a new thing. Then again, just finding someone I could share a house with, without wanting to kill them within 3 weeks is quite something. I really never expected to be married, never mind that we have lasted five years together. It can't be easy on Kristi living with me, but she seems to manage it pretty well.

As one Indian tribe said (or maybe it was the vikings?), in every person there are two wolves battling for supremacy. One seeks to bring goodness to the world and the other one hatred. Which one wins?

Well, that depends on which one you feed the most. Sadly the majority of people can't even take a good look in the mirror and admit to themselves which one they feed. After all, it takes strength to chose one, whereas only weakness is required for the other.

So I guess right now, mine are going ten rounds, no point draws, no TKO's, only a full 10 count will do.

Do I embrace the new future and the promise that I can hold in my arms or do I go back to old (and it has to be said, comfortable) ways?

I'd imagine anyone still bothering to read this far is saying, "Well of course the former". But do you inside truly embrace that spirit too? Do you always take the path of forgiveness and understanding or do you lash out in your pain and anger? There is a question to ask yourself in the small hours of the night when you can't get to sleep.

I guess I could ramble on this way at quite some length but I am going to feed one particular wolf tonight and go hug my wife and baby.

Blessings be on you, and may you feed the right one.

*Animal House.

[indianasmith]

All of us have two natures, to some degree.  I have spent years trying to "feed the positive dog," as my wife puts it.
But the bad boy gets awfully hungry sometimes . . .  I still try to starve him.

[Trevor]

POSTS ARE JUST THE RIGHT SIZE NOW   

[Alex]

So today my long awaited secret business plan has went into effect. I have decided to go into farming, although not just any kind of farming. The road sign going up somehow makes it feel all official.



What could possibly go wrong with this scenario?

[Alex]

So the group activity I've ended up having to plan myself for my work instead of the people who were supposed to plan it (but then dropped out while I was on leave meaning I came back to work and found I'd to do it) has finally all been sorted and signed off.

Just as well really since it is on Monday.

We are going to a nearby wood, where I am going to murder them all one by on..., *cough* ahem, where we are going to see the remains of old World War Two defences and then go to the beach and do a clean up. Each person also has to do a stand where they talk about some topic I have set them. For example mines is "Following the fall of France, it was thought that there was a real threat of the Axis invading via Norway. What was done to discourage the Germans from invading this area (physical defences and counter intelligence).

If I had thought about it though I would have made every one elses topics "Your bank details and pin numbers."

Ash got his first immunisations yesterday. Yes, I know they cause autism, chem trails are a real thing, the royal family are really lizard people and I have a tower in Paris that I can sell you, but you know what? We decided to take that chance. Anyway, he screamed while the needles were stuck in him, but was fine two seconds after they had beem removed. We were watching him last night for side effects which didn't seem to appear, although today he has been a bit off.

Tomorrow afternoon I have a formal do to go to. Shirt, tie and pass the port properly or you get fined. I'll let you know how that one goes later.

[316zombie]

thank you not being one of the conspiracy freaks about vaccinations. you have no idea what that means to me.   

[Alex]

My younger brother had to get a kidney transplant and as a result he has a compromised immune system. He has to rely on herd immunity so immunisations are a big thing for me.