Dark Alex's Really Long Post Thread.

[Alex]

The weather today is looking rather grim outside for a family outing. Wondering if I should just head out on my own, or postpone it until next week in the hope we get some better weather. It was gale force winds last night, so I should at least check the bins haven't been blown over and whatnot.

Been thinking about the people who have tried to 'save' me throughout my life. Some were well meaning, others for entirely selfish reasons. I don't think that any of them ever considered though that I might just not want what the offered. I don't blame for trying, although it led to a lot of wasted effort on both sides. None of the depictions of heaven I've ever heard really appeal to me. Possibly the worst was a school teacher who told me she though when we died, our souls all merged into one gestalt entity. We share everything we were with everyone else.

As an introvert I find it hard to imagine something worse. Really, I'd like my thoughts to be mine and while occasionally I would be interested to know how other peoples minds work it would not be enough to sustain me throughout eternity. Sitting on the right hand of god and singing his praises... have you heard my singing voice? Besides I'd forget the words and just substitute my own, just as I used to do when I forced to recite the lords prayer. If I get to spend it with my favourite people, what about their favourite people. I mean I don't like all my friends friends.

Still, I am always on the lookout for an afterlife that at least has a well stocked library. None of the holy books I've ever looked at seem to mention those though, which is odd. I mean given that they are books you have thought... Or is that just me?

Might give this a watch http://epicstream.com/news/NicoParungo/Daredevil-Star-Deborah-Ann-Woll-is-Launching-Her-Own-Dungeons-and-Dragons-Show?utm_content=buffer07f7f&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=epicbuffer. Been a while since I last watched Critical Role.

[Alex]

Kev messaged to say he wants to do a 1000 point game so I've added a Cromwell tank to my list and another squad of footsloggers. With a slightly larger army, he is more likely to have something that makes taking my QF-17 a bit more justifiable.

Seem to have had something that disagrees with me and was feeling a bit sick this evening. Better now, but when I was holding Ash earlier I was half expecting to have to throw him in his cot and dash to the toilet to throw up.

Finally got around to writing up my evil insects for D&D. Should give the players a bit of a groan type laugh.

[Alex]

Had my Brits vs Kev's German's battle yesterday. The middle of the table had the Château d'Hougoumont, so desperately fought over during the Battle of Waterloo. The scenario we rolled up, it was a case of whoever takes the most objectives win's the battle. We had two objectives on the left side, one in one of the Château d'Hougoumont buildings and two on the right flank. Managed to grab the one in the building early on by loading my veterans onto a truck and racing them over the battlefield to seize it. Once a unit is in a building it is very difficult to shift them. Doing a house to house assault tends to be quite nasty in Bolt Action and to be avoided where possible (best way to clear them is with high explosives or a flamethrower), so they spent the rest of the game sitting in there firing at anything that passed by.

My cannon fodder unit charged up the right flank and managed to take out a German MMG, but got annihilated by a German tank destroyer (but hey, they tied up that entire flank). Kev kept his tank destroyer well out of the line of sight of my QF-17 which would have tore through even it's heavy armour, and I kept my medium Cromwell tank out of sight of his tank destroyer. It's two MMG's though tore up a couple of his infantry units, while a few rounds of high explosive shells kept his sniper's head down and not shooting up all my men. On the other side of the table, machine gun fire caused the unit he had stationed there to take heavy casualties before they broke and fled the table. I managed to sneak a small unit over deep into his side of the table and on the last turn cheekily grabbed an objective from him. Game finished with me holding 3 of them, with Kev holding one. By the end of the game he only had a mortar unit (minus its spotter), his officer, a sniper (who refused to die, but was not a happy man with all the explosions going off around him) and a lone Panzerfaust operator (German answer to the Bazooka) and his tank destroyer, while I was down to two units of infantry, my QF-17 (plus a tractor to drag it around) and my Cromwell. Technically I still had my truck left, but it had no guns and was immobilized so wasn't really much use.

Managed to get home in time to run the D&D game, although it was a shorter session than normal as the party decided to recruit a lot of extra people for their upcoming trip northwards.

[Alex]

Was a rough night last night. Ash was running a high temperature and was not a happy little man. We figured it was teething (but just to be on the safe side, we kept checking his temp and phoned NHS 24 and gave them his symptoms just in case). We took it in shifts looking after him, gave him some stuff for his gums (which much have eased the pain as it stopped him crying). Some Calpol and taking him out of his PJ's to just let him sit in his nappy also helped cool him down. He just wanted to sit and be held which was slightly unusual. I mean he likes to sit on our lap's but he generally also likes to keep turning around, climbing up and down, and of course that favourite thing of babies, grabbing spectacles.

Gosh, I bet Kristi just loves me for making her go for that eye test and getting her glasses now.

Another year is almost done, and this one has felt a very quick one. We rage against their passing, but they keep going regardless uncaring and unheeding of our impotent rage. Life only promises us two things. A beginning and an end and not even how long we get between them or how we get to spend that time is set for us. Mind you, I did hear a phrase for a group of people I hadn't head of before (the name for the group, not the type of people. I've met a few of them in my journey along the river of life. Incel's, or involuntary celibacy.

I've known a few people who have chosen to be celibate (a shout out to brother Trev there who is an exceptional example of a fine human being even if he forgets that about himself and has to be reminded now and again) for their own reasons and that is fine (after a bad relationship it was about 8 years before I got involved with someone else but that was my choice and I never blamed anyone else for it. I had chances to get involved with women but turned them down (ok, sometimes I just didn't notice these people were interested in me), but on the occasions when I did notice, I turned them down as gently as I could. Mostly by pretending I didn't notice. Since I was well known for not picking up on hints, no one thought anything unusual about it). These however are people seem to want to have sex but can't get it and are quite angry about it. They have their own corners of the web where they sit and complain to each other, threatening violence against people more successful then them in all aspects of life. From what I saw of them, I doubt many of them are capable of carrying out the threats they make, mostly being pathetic and since having bad thoughts about other people isn't yet a crime. They are none the less part of the world that makes it a slightly less pleasant place to life, but are otherwise harmless. Being a threat to other people in your own mind does not make you a real danger, but the odd few who are the exception will no doubt make the news.

What kind of people really exists just to try and make other people as sad and miserable as they are? They don't even seem to want a relationship, just sex. Pretty sure there are ways of getting that without of the venom they seem to spew. At the very worst, go learn how to jack off. Or better still, they could all get together in a circle and get each other off, thus solving their problem. Still it sounds like a vicious circle (pun not intended, but when I noticed it, it gave me a laugh). The more they act the way they act, the less the chance of having anyone interested in them the more they slather themselves in self hatred and act up more. Maybe it is some form of evolution, where these peoples inner selves have decided "Yup, we don't need to be sending our gene's on to the next generation, lets make sure we are too filled with self loathing to ever get laid."

Maybe if they even spent less time whining on a computer, they could go outside meet people and who knows what might happen?

On second thoughts, I think what would be most likely to happen is they end up saying the same stuff they get away with online to someone in a face to face situation and end up getting punched a lot. Yeah, maybe it is better they just stay inside after all.

Still, it is another faction of people I can troll if I ever run out of facist's to torment. Now there is a fun and easy sports. Mind you, in general I find that any group devoted to hate is easy to torment and they can rarely put up a coherent argument. More than once I've had someone tell me they were going to hunt me down to perform various assorted violent acts. Despite giving them my address, or offering to book out the boxing ring on camp for a session so it would all be entirely legal, no one ever took me up on that. I guess it's difficult to get to the part of Scotland where I live or something.

There was a story about me when I was younger that I'd sold my soul for two things. Immortality (this came with a condition that I would later break), and to always have traffic lights change colour so I could cross roads without waiting. Actually the second part was the first part of that particular rumour that came about chronologically. The immortality thing wasn't added until much later. Can't remember how that part of it came about, but the other part was because people noticed that I never, ever had to wait at lights. They would always change just as I got there. For some reason this used to infuriate my younger brother, even more than my lucky dice always pulling off incredibly lucky dice rolls during games. More than once my dice in various games robbed him of victory at the last second and he'd storm off in a huff. Mind you he also used to hate how he'd study all the different combo moves for games like Mortal Kombat or any of the Smackdown! games while I'd just button bash and win. Equally had a friend who would always spend most of our two player Outrun games beating me, only for me to overtake him in the last thirty seconds of the game and win.

Heh heh heh.

Only a few more days until the Solstice and days start getting longer once more (Friday 21st). Shame that doesn't mark the worst of winter having passed, rather than marking its start. I'd go down to Stonehenge for one of them, but it always end's up packed with clueless hippies who think that declaring themselves to be druids makes it so. Funny how the earth is actually at the closest part of its orbit to the sun at this part of the year (or so people who follow astronomy more than I do), but we get to be colder.

The three of us went up to the cemetery today. Tided up Lilly's grave, put some flowers and some decorations down including a little tree. I have no idea if their is an afterlife or not but if there is I want her to know she hasn't been forgotten. Picked up some toys to donate to charity in her and Ash's names as well. Will drop them off tomorrow at the collection point. Not quite the $250ish we spent a couple of years ago when we were in the States at this time, but enough we hope to give some kids a happy day.

No real work on tonight. When the JEngO disappears, I might check with the DEOC about leaving early tonight. Well, earlier than I normally get to slip away on nights. In fact, if the JEngO wasn't still in his office I'd be gone by now. Hoping that Ash has a better night tonight and gets to sleep. Hell, he has been teething for almost 5 months now and while I can see where teeth are working their way through, none have actually broken through the skin yet. Given his habit of trying to bite my nose*, I am not sure him actually having teeth come through is going to be such a great thing.

*It is surprising just how much force a babies gums can exert. I would estimate it at being somewhere between a Great White and a T-Rex.

[Trevor]

I've known a few people who have chosen to be celibate (a shout out to brother Trev there who is an exceptional example of a fine human being even if he forgets that about himself and has to be reminded now and again)

Awww..... 

The reason I'm celibate is that I had a relationship with a lady 14 years ago which started off very well and then went rapidly downhill: I don't know what happened there and I still don't. After that, to misquote Stanley Kubrick, "No boom boom with soul sister / soul brother." 

[Alex]

I've known a few people who have chosen to be celibate (a shout out to brother Trev there who is an exceptional example of a fine human being even if he forgets that about himself and has to be reminded now and again)

Awww..... 

The reason I'm celibate is that I had a relationship with a lady 14 years ago which started off very well and then went rapidly downhill: I don't know what happened there and I still don't. After that, to misquote Stanley Kubrick, "No boom boom with soul sister / soul brother." 

I hear you there my friend.

[Alex]

So with us heading down to my mum's for the holidays on Saturday and not wishing to cart Ash's presents all the way down the road and then back up we decided to let him open them this morning. He now has three train sets (including a dinosaur themed one that I am fairly sure will be bigger than I am). At one point we lost sight of his as he burrowed beneath a stack of wrapping paper.

[ER]

Thanks for brightening the morning with such happy pictures, Alex! 

Merry Christmas to your family!

[Alex]

Something that I've been expecting to happen for several years took place finally. Someone or some group has been flying drones over Gatwick thus grounding the airport.  I am wondering why a plan to deal with the eventuality wasn't already in place. Worst case, police marksmen are stationed at every airport in the UK. Yes, you'd have to make sure there was no FOD left over anywhere that could bring down a plane, but at least you'd get planes up after a matter of hours rather than days.

Wonder how busy traveling tomorrow will be? Leaving on the first train to get away as early as possible.

Watching an Indian mini-series just now called 'Ghoul'. I don't often take a chance on Indian media and while this looks promising, the first time everyone starts dancing and singing and doing that head side to side motion thing, it is going off. RIght now it is looking promising though (less than 5 minutes in). It looks like the premise of the story is a major terrorist is captured and taken to a detention camp for interrogation, but he may or not quite be human. If India really is going to overtake China as a world power I should take an interest in it to some degree.

Solstice greetings to everyone. May the holidays fill you with enough cheer to get through the cold days and nights ahead until the world is reborn anew.

And that is about as religious as I get.

Japan is pulling out of the whaling commission so it can hunt whales freely. Wish we could freely hunt whaling ships. Torpedo a few of them and give them a bit of an idea what things are like from the whale's point of view. I tend not to buy Japanese goods already so I can't really boycott them over this. Ah, the human race. So many stupid people who can't see where this endgame leads.

[Alex]

Heading down to North Ayrshire on the train. Got up at 5am (including Ash who was remarkably sanguine about the whole thing, but then even at 9 months he has become a seasoned train traveller. Other than waiting at stations I do feel that trains are one of the more relaxing ways to travel, and even for middle distance journeys I tend to use it over a quicker flight. Plus it is hopefully more environmentally friendly than a car or plane.

The little man has decided to be fascinated with the view out the window and I've been unable to distract him.




And just for reference, here is the current view.




The ground his a nice frosty coating today making it look somewhat like an iced cake. I wonder if when Ash is a bit older I can get him interested in hillwalking, get an excuse to take that up again. So many things I used to do when I was a kid that I wish I had time to do now. Or even knee's that didn't scream at me when I try lol. Still, mostly I hope to let him pick his own interests and hobbies, although I have told Kristi when he is old enough he will be going to some form of martial arts. I used to compete at Judo on a national level and even though I never once used it in a fight, just knowing that I did a martial art put a lot of people off fighting me and got me left alone a lot more than I would have been otherwise. I had several friends who had to fight a lot more than I did for not belonging to one of the local gangs. Well, when I say fight I mean they got the crap knocked out of them on a regular basis. I helped when I could, other times I just despaired of them ever standing up for themselves. Anyway, I want Ash to learn not to fight unless he has to, but when he does need to he should know how to. Only ever saw two ways of stopping bullying actually working. Transfer to a different school or fight back and even if you lose leave the other guys enough of a mess that they know f**king with you just isn't worth it.

Plus I want him to have some physical activity. I see too many kids not that much older than him who rarely move from behind a screen. Way to set up a lifetime of bad habits, weight issues, poor social skills and ill health. He doesn't need to do the 30 hours of running a week I used to do as a teen, but just some form of exercise and I can at least put him on a start there. If later in life he decides he wants to live behind a computer, well at that point it is his choice. I just see too many maladjusted people (sad wrecks of humanity really) from spending too much time on computers to want that for him.


In the background, the Misty Mountains. Hobbitsies just out of shot, being taken to Isengard.




Ever climbed a mountain just because it was there? The views today are making me think I should do it again. I always preferred walking when it was cold. You didn't overheat while outside and the ground tended to be more solid underfoot. Summer might sound nicer but really it tends to be more difficult to walk in.

Going through Drumochter Pass which is the highest point on the rail network in the UK. Lovely scenery. In a few weeks time it will look entirely different and be deep in snow, but still equally scenic. This area is almost perma-shrouded in mist to some degree.

[Pacman000]

Pretty scenery, & I'm sorry about Dagon. 

[Alex]

Going down to Ayr today. We are looking to pick up the last of our presents. Only a few to get which is nice. Got a sore throat was wasn't feeling great last night, which can just bugger off. I refuse to be ill for the little man's first festive season.

Might have to not go out shopping with the family though and let Kristi loose for that. I was wanting to go out with them but might stay home. Oh well my mum does have some bad movies I can amuse myself by watching while they are out if it comes to that.

Silver linings and all that.

Of course when my skin feels like it is burning Ash wants me to pick him up and hold him. Not going to deny him that. He wont want to be held forever and I am not going to waste them. Pain is transitory, memories last a lot longer.

[ER]

Alex, if I had beautiful hills like those here, I'd climb them as often as I could. Where I live has a lot of tall hills but not quite those kind. Lovely.

[Alex]

I did take a few more photos. I'll stick them up when I get time.

[Alex]

Ok, so as promised more photos.