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Author Topic: Things That Make No Sense To Me  (Read 5777 times)
ER
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The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters. (sic)


« on: February 07, 2018, 09:29:43 PM »

Things That Make No Sense To Me

(I had to wait ninety minutes on someone today, so I made this list.)


The Catcher in the Rye--- How can anyone think this is a good novel?

Mountain Spring Water in Beer---In the brewing process isn’t water filtered and distilled to remove everything but the basic water itself, wherever it came from?

Amish Romance Stories--- I’m from a state that has more Amish than anywhere else, and while they’re nice people…you probably wouldn’t want to cuddle them in summertime.

Getting Stoned Every Day--- That’s called addiction.

Separating Whites From Colors When Doing Laundry--- Um, when whites turn gray, it’s time to buy new ones?

The Internal Combustion Engine---Absolute mystery to me.

Dead Poet’s Society--- Love the movie, but….where were the kids in the other five classes Mr. Keating presumably taught each day?

Giving Expensive Jewelry—Say what you will, I’d rather be given the money the jewelry cost to buy. (I still do not trust that DNA test that said I have no Jewish ancestry.)

Santa Claus--- Why is lying to your kids about letting someone break into your house once a year good parenting?

Friends With Benefits--- Doesn’t friendship by definition connote a relationship founded on mutual celibacy, lest it cease to be friendship? I told my first boyfriend we were friends and he said, “No, we’re two people who have sex. We’re not friends.” I thought, “Ohhhh!” (The idea seemed to p**s him off.) Guess someone in the ‘90s should have changed the name of a certain Thursday-night NBC sitcom once the boots started knocking.

Likewise: Marrying Your Best Friend--- I don’t doubt some people do it, and good for them, just… Well, I have a best friend and the thought of asking this person to do sexual things to me makes me want to run screaming and take a loofa to my brain cells, so how does someone incorporate best friendship with sexual participation?

Socialism---- It has never worked and yet people keep wanting to try it. Somewhere in there is Einstein’s definition of insanity.

Political Talk Radio--- Constant complaining and no problem-solving. Where’s the appeal? It’s like endless PMS…with bad commercials.

Holy Water--- Never touch it, it’s filthy! I once saw a video of a church and the rats that came out at night wouldn’t drink it.

Dirty Dancing--- So it took Family Guy of all sources to point out that this teenager was getting pawed by a thirty-year-old, and no one really had a problem with it? Man, even I wasn’t that nervy at her age.

Smacking Children--- You probably wouldn’t smack your dog, and unless your last name is Hussein I bet you wouldn’t smack an old person, so why is it acceptable to hit a child?

Thinking A Crocodile Likes You--- Sorry, Irwin Family, Aggro just wants to eat all of you, and he’s still peeved that Steve slipped his net. You’re lookin’ tasty, Bindi!

Mean People Sucking--- If they’re willing to suck, why are they still mean? In my experience the opposite of sucking tends to get you called “mean.”

Clown phobia--- Exactly how are clowns scary? Maybe I lack the ability to suspend disbelief, but my mind knows clowns are people wearing makeup. Now hitmen, they’re scary.

Overly-hyphenated last names--- Just….why? I knew an Asian girl whose last name was Gi. That saved lots of ink.

Bookmarks--- Don’t buy one, use scrap paper.

Saving the Planet—What hubris!

Buying Bottled Water—Buy a bottle and re-fill it for less than 1% of the cost. Boom. (See, don’t I sound a little Jewish?)

Self-aggrandizement--- Brag about yourself and you’re heading for a karmic smackdown. Me, I am humble, and that makes me God’s favorite.

Why My Friends In Austin Do Not Like This Joke: “What is the difference in a neutered puppy, and Texans talking about the Alamo? Answer: Eventually a puppy will quit whining about what it lost.”

Shakespeare--- Not all bad but why is he our greatest writer when almost no one can figure out what he’s saying? In ninth-grade English I would have ecstatically chopped off a pinkie to have kicked that awful man in the groin.

Lesbian sex—I admit to being more confused than ever. Okay, fingers substitute for the male member, so does that mean tons of teenage boys have had lesbian sex with their girlfriends?

Celebrity Worship--- Where would I ever begin my grievance? So often it becomes like a Mobius Strip, “they’re famous because people watch them, because they’re famous because people watch them…?”

Soccer--- Why not make the field half as long, so twice as many goals could be scored?

A No-Hitter In Baseball--- Let me get this straight, it’s good becauuuuuse absolutely nothing happened for three hours?

Hoss Cartwright—Why was he loveable when he’d legit-gunned down like 200 people in the show’s run?

Non-Integrative Convergent Evolution--- Two separate populations of any species enduring varying climatic challenges within non-identical biomes cannot evolve the exact same traits in the face of diverse challenges, and the idea that some scientists try to say this is possible makes my left brain cry.

Starbucks--- Someone made a deal with the devil. No other explanation.

Geometry--- Anyone want to tell me why a circle can’t have 100 degrees instead of 360?

Single-Camera Sit-Coms--- How come directors would want to be limited that way?

The Math Behind Michelle Williams’ Career Rise--- Child with Heath Ledger + Baby Daddy’s Death = Career Gravitas? I don’t know, maybe she can act, but in my mind she’ll always be “the one who isn’t Katie Holmes on Dawson’s Creek.”

Darth Vader’s Lapse—Why didn’t he Force-open the door that closed on him when he was walking up on them in Episode IV? You know that scene, right?

Catholic school uniforms--- Lemme get this straight, we wore them to….combat lust?
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Alex
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« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2018, 01:44:07 AM »

Quote
Geometry--- Anyone want to tell me why a circle can’t have 100 degrees instead of 360?

Blame the Egyptians. They figured out there was roughly 360 days in a year and degrees apparantly come from that.
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Bela
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« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2018, 05:59:41 AM »

Things That Make No Sense To Me



Getting Stoned Every Day--- That’s called addiction.









I dunno.
I kinda like that part!  Drink


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"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
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ER
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The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters. (sic)


« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2018, 10:39:30 AM »

Capital Punishment: If we the people concede that the government owns us to the point it can take our lives, then we are giving it the power to make us its possession. The word for that is slavery. To support capital punishment is to brand yourself a slave.
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« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2018, 11:01:40 AM »

Vengeance in general. Suppose someone kills someone I love. I kill them for revenge. How is this supposed to make me feel better? My loved one is still gone. I'm no better off than I was before.
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Hi there!


« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2018, 11:20:49 AM »

Things That Make No Sense To Me
The Internal Combustion Engine---Absolute mystery to me.
What part about it that doesn't make sense to you? I think I can help you out with that.
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yeah no.
ER
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The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters. (sic)


« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2018, 03:47:09 PM »

Things That Make No Sense To Me
The Internal Combustion Engine---Absolute mystery to me.
What part about it that doesn't make sense to you? I think I can help you out with that.
I guess I have near-total ignorance of what the parts are and what their function is. I could study and learn but I never have.
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What does not kill me makes me stranger.
Alex
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« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2018, 04:07:45 PM »

Things That Make No Sense To Me
The Internal Combustion Engine---Absolute mystery to me.
What part about it that doesn't make sense to you? I think I can help you out with that.
I guess I have near-total ignorance of what the parts are and what their function is. I could study and learn but I never have.

Just put it down to magic.
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But do you understand That none of this will matter Nothing can take your pain away
ER
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1754
Posts: 13425


The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters. (sic)


« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2018, 04:54:28 PM »

Things That Make No Sense To Me
The Internal Combustion Engine---Absolute mystery to me.
What part about it that doesn't make sense to you? I think I can help you out with that.
I guess I have near-total ignorance of what the parts are and what their function is. I could study and learn but I never have.

Just put it down to magic.
Another perfect Xena Rule: a wizard did it.
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What does not kill me makes me stranger.
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« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2018, 08:20:02 PM »

Bitcoin.
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The doctor that circumcised Trump threw away the wrong piece.
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Bela
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« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2018, 09:59:04 PM »

This makes no sense to me-it's a true story:

When I was a little kid-about 9 years old-me and my brother Mike were digging threw a old dump that was in back of the cornfield in back of our house. We played in rusted cars from the 1930's.
Anyway-I found a long neck whiskey bottle-I could tell by the shape-plus it said some whiskey company name on the bottom.
There was a rat in it. He was dead. the neck was full of dirt. He was in water. He was pickled.
The thing that I couldn't figure out was this was a full grown rat.

 There is NO WAY he could have gotten into that bottle.
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"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
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« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2018, 10:56:47 PM »

Capital punishment is a balanced and symmetrical act of justice.  We give that power to the government because, in a Republic, we ARE the government. And some crimes are so horrific and egregious that the only just response is for the evildoer to pay with his own life.
Or, as we say in Texas, some folks just need killin'.
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Bela
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« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2018, 11:01:34 PM »

Capital punishment is a balanced and symmetrical act of justice.  We give that power to the government because, in a Republic, we ARE the government. And some crimes are so horrific and egregious that the only just response is for the evildoer to pay with his own life.
Or, as we say in Texas, some folks just need killin'.

THIS I agree 100%.

Logged

"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
ER
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Karma: 1754
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The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters. (sic)


« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2018, 11:05:23 PM »

This makes no sense to me-it's a true story:

When I was a little kid-about 9 years old-me and my brother Mike were digging threw a old dump that was in back of the cornfield in back of our house. We played in rusted cars from the 1930's.
Anyway-I found a long neck whiskey bottle-I could tell by the shape-plus it said some whiskey company name on the bottom.
There was a rat in it. He was dead. the neck was full of dirt. He was in water. He was pickled.
The thing that I couldn't figure out was this was a full grown rat.

 There is NO WAY he could have gotten into that bottle.

No! Way! I thought my cousin was making that up or it was an urban legend, but when I was about eleven I was visiting my mom's side of the family and my cousin Magda told me that "gypsies" have this ritual (I don't remember what she said its meaning was) wherein they take an empty wine or liquor bottle and put a small rat inside it and feed it til it grows too large to escape, then they seal it and bury it in the bog, and in doing so they've....fulfilled a rite or made a wish or cursed someone, I honestly can't remember what she said it was for, or if she knew herself, but in the back of my mind that tale of hers has rested all these years and now I come here and read what you wrote??? Holy cow, that's incredible, she was telling me the truth so long ago.
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What does not kill me makes me stranger.
RCMerchant
Bela
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"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2018, 11:06:01 PM »

Even Aieleen Wuornos- who was bats**t crazy-and had a f**ked childhood-she was gone.
She was a mad dog by the time she was busted.
No curing her. She was better off.
Like Indy says- some folks just need killing.
Logged

"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
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