Stuff I don't/can't do anymore

[The Burgomaster]

1. Call the movie theater and ask one of the employees what movies are playing

2. Call special phone numbers to hear recorded messages about the weather

3. Ask to be seated in the smoking or non-smoking section

4. Buy cereal so I can get the toy that's inside

5. Buy wax lips

6. Send away for stuff and wait 6 - 8 weeks for delivery, with no way to track the package and no phone number to call to ask about it

7. Watch old movies on local TV stations with commercial interruptions about every 12 minutes

8. Join the Columbia Record and Tape Club

9. Eat at the Woolworth's lunch counter

10. Brush my teeth and then chew a red pill that will stain my teeth in the spots I didn't brush good enough

11. Answer the door and see the milk man standing there

12. Answer the door and see the Fuller Brush salesman standing there

[Svengoolie 3]

Go to a theater in costume for a special movie.

Buy and play a pc game without signing up for an account and having another account and password to remember.

Go online without being assaulted by ads at every page.

Make a joke without offending someone somewhere somehow.

Call "customer service" and speak to someone to whom English was a first language.

Deal with "customer service" without feeling like a cow being "serviced" on a stud farm.

[The Burgomaster]

Go to a theater in costume for a special movie.

I did this only once: opening night for BATMAN (1989). My friend and I went dressed as the Joker. No one else was wearing a costume.

 

[Svengoolie 3]

Go to a theater in costume for a special movie.

I did this only once: opening night for BATMAN (1989). My friend and I went dressed as the Joker. No one else was wearing a costume.

 

Since that moron shot up a theater many chains have banned costumes.

[El Misfit]

Can't get horny all the time

Can't go back in time and come out sooner, probably would be more social then.

Can't get the 12 and under free meals since I'm not 12 anymore.

Can't fly for free.

[ER]

Open a school door and walk right in.

Get a burger in those little foam containers at McDonald's.

Watch Saturday morning cartoons.

Get something off Wendy's 99 cent menu.

Get into your hotel room with a key.

Buy a chocobliss.

Watch music videos on MTV.

Be a free-range child outside of Utah.

Smoke almost anywhere like you used to be able to do. (Thank goodness.)

Remember everybody's phone numbers.

Feel as free in your car as you used to pre-computerization.

Rewind vhs tapes.

Be in your twenties and say you could only remember one pope in your lifetime.

Go to bookstores at the mall.

Go to malls.

Laugh at yourself for hurrying to a blue light special.

See Amy Winehouse in concert. :-(

Plan to someday party like it's 1999.

Buy candy cigarettes.

Hear, "You got mail!"

Use MSN Messenger.

Cringe in fear of Teddy Ruxpin.

Tell your mother, "Yeah, well when I have kids I'm never gonna do that!"

Adjust the TV antenna.

Watch the Taco Bell dog, Spuds McKenzie, or Air Bud without thinking aww, they're dead now....

[RCMerchant]

. Find a News Stand.
. Go to an full service gas station. Ya know, when the guy checks your water and cleans your windsheild.
. Slam down a phone reciever and have it make that loud "BRANG!" noise.

[Svengoolie 3]

. Find a News Stand.
. Go to an full service gas station. Ya know, when the guy checks your water and cleans your windsheild.
. Slam down a phone reciever and have it make that loud "BRANG!" noise.

You know,  I bet if you looked you could find an app that made a loud slam sound when you pushed the end call button...

[RCMerchant]

. Find a News Stand.
. Go to an full service gas station. Ya know, when the guy checks your water and cleans your windsheild.
. Slam down a phone reciever and have it make that loud "BRANG!" noise.

You know,  I bet if you looked you could find an app that made a loud slam sound when you pushed the end call button...

Ain't the same...it's not so much the noise-it's the slamming!

I watched my friend Tommy Dillinger (yes- they are related!) beat the s**t out of a phone in a booth- right in front of a police station. He ripped that phone right of the hook! One of the coolest things I have ever seen. 

[Svengoolie 3]

Phone booths,  I kinda miss them.  Sometimes you'd be in one,  some rude jerk would be wanting to use it and being a dick about it,  so you'd hold your breath let the biggest fart you could and step out so he could enter the gas chamber.

[RCMerchant]

Or just gather up a big goober and hack it at the glass at them. 

[Trevor]

.
. Go to an full service gas station. Ya know, when the guy checks your water and cleans your windsheild.

Come to South Africa: all gas stations have them. 

[Trevor]

Use a dial phone instead of a press number type.
Watch a film in a theatre which is on film, not digital.
Listen to my vinyl LPs: turntables are very expensive.
Eat with my own teeth. 

[Chainsawmidget]

Nobody has arcade games anymore.  I used to remember stores always had them out front right next to the machine you put a quarter in for those little plastic eggs with a toy inside.  

Nobody gives you free AOL trial disks anymore.  

You can't physically go into a store and rent a movie.  

You can't buy comicbooks off the spinner racks at grocery stores anymore.

[RCMerchant]

Eat with my own teeth.  

I have all my front teeth except 2- the Alfred E. Nueman one, and one to the 3rd from the left on the bottom.
Most of my back teeth are shot. I chew with my food with my front teeth. I don't sit in a lot of resturants around people. I hid in a corner.
I look like an an orangutang chewing food. I spit out back teeth every couple years. Pieces of them all the time. I'm used to that s**t.
Them car wrecks f**ked up my teeth.
I don't smile in pictures.