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March 25, 2019, 04:07:19 AM
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Entertainment  |  Short book reviews. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Short book reviews.  (Read 530 times)
Dark Alex
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« on: September 18, 2018, 12:18:59 PM »

Been thinking about seeing how short (and accurately) I can write a review for any book I've read recently. Anyone else who want's to join in can do so, although the only guidelines are that you should try and get it down in a single sentence and just writing "Sucks", doesn't really work.

The Neverending Story: Goes on a bit.
Interview With The Vampire: Stick to the film.
The Meg: The book of Meg is better than the book of Jaws, but the movie of Jaws is better then the film of The Meg.
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ER
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The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters.


« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2018, 04:07:39 PM »

Gone With the Wind: Like the wind it blew. (Actually it was great.)

The Picture of Dorian Gray: The eyes are not always the window to the soul, nor food the best way to a man's heart. Also, if he's prettier than you are, girls, beware, beware, beware.

Little House in the Big Woods: Be grateful you live in the f**king modern world.

War and Peace: Some wars have lasted longer.

The Bell Jar: Mellow out and go put something in the oven, Sylvia.

A Streetcar Named Desire: Tennessee Williams makes even nymphomania unfunny.

Sense and Sensibility: Austen's lifelong war on virginity begins.

The Shining: Maybe the old lady in the bathtub just needed a hug, huh?

The Pillars of the Earth: The go-to epic novel if you like your rape scenes erotic and your Medieval characters modern in outlook.

The Books of Blood: That's okay, I always wanted my mind twisted around.

The Wheel of Love: I had this 1960s short story collection by Joyce Carol Oates with me on March 15, 1995 and have always felt a fondness for it ever since.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil: Gay sociopathic rich man kills bisexual boy toy, as told in part by a drag queen. Lots of Spanish moss, too.

Paw Patrol To The Rescue: Mother prays for temporary onset blindness every time child makes her read this.

My Prison Without Bars: How can you tell when Pete Rose is lying? His lips are moving. (Still, nobody ever played or will ever play baseball harder or with more spirit. We love you anyway, man.)

Animal Farm: All animals are equal but some taste better than others.

Twilight: Hundred-year-old undead virgin meets dream girl....loses it four books later.

Are You There God It's Me, Margaret: Shut the f**k up, b***h.

Oliver Twist: Little Dick and Master Bates help orphaned English lad on his pathway to criminality and high adventure.

The Gnostic Library: From the plains of Oklahoma to the sands of the Black Desert, the truth never lies, perfect love is all-encompassing, and we learn to never get between an armed woman and her man.

The Bridges of Madison County: An all-purpose PMS simulator. You know, in case you've ever wondered what it feels like, guys.

American Psycho: story It difference no makes order which in tell you this.

Cider House Rules: A gardener comes into his own.

Salem's Lot: Makes a great bedtime story for under-five year olds.

The Confessions of Augustine: It was just an apple, dude, just an apple.

The Iron Giant: I like shoving this book at feminists who say its author drove his wife to suicide, and ask how such a cool man could possibly have pushed his bats**t bride into the oven when she always had one foot in there anyway. Honestly, wouldn't you have cheated on Sylvia Plath? I mean wouldn't you? Really? Yeah.

Dubliners: If you love James Joyce, read this book. If you hate James Joyce, read this book. If you don't read this book I'm going to stomp on a goldfish.

The Great Gatsby: Sometimes the dreamer is the dream and sometimes the dream is an illusion....also Flappers give me the creeps and drinking gin outa somebody's shoe sounds like the pathway to a fungal infection when they didn't even have antibiotics yet.

The Bible: Spoiler alert, the main character dies.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone: Large sinister stranger stalks family to cottage on an island, makes delusional claims, seizes family firearm, leaves with boy.




« Last Edit: September 19, 2018, 02:05:36 PM by ER » Logged

Das was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich noch merkwürdiger. (What does not kill me makes me stranger.)
Svengoolie 3
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« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2018, 04:37:23 PM »

The Bible: Evil, selfish megalomaniac creates flawed creatures, then tortures and torments them for being flawed.

Star wars: young farm boy, old wizard, rogue and forrest giant sneak into evil fortress,  rescue princess and defeat forces of evil. Magic swords are used.

On the beach: Everyone dies. Young George R. R.  Martin read and was heavily influenced by it.


 





 

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Hydra Dominatus!
ER
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Karma: 931
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The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters.


« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2018, 05:16:08 PM »

The Bible: Evil, selfish megalomaniac creates flawed creatures, then tortures and torments them for being flawed.



Alex said books we've actually read, Sven.
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Das was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich noch merkwürdiger. (What does not kill me makes me stranger.)
indianasmith
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A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2018, 08:32:02 PM »

THE HOBBIT:  Short person finds a ring and tricks a dragon to his death.
THE STAND:  Most people die, a few live on.
CHARLOTTE'S WEB: Literate spider inflates the reputation of average pig.
JOHNNY GOT HIS GUN: This book will make you want to slit your wrists.
ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT: War is dumb.
UNBROKEN: Olympic athlete takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Then finds Jesus.
TEAM OF RIVALS: Lincoln kept his enemies close - and turned them into friends.
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"I'm always up for a little anarchy, as long as it's well-planned and carefully organized!"
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 2023
Posts: 12390


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2018, 09:59:46 PM »

The Gnostic Library: From the plains of Oklahoma to the sands of the Black Desert, the truth never lies, perfect love is all-encompassing, and we learn to never get between an armed woman and her man.


I think this is the best one-sentence description I have read of any of my novels!!!
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"I'm always up for a little anarchy, as long as it's well-planned and carefully organized!"
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