my new year's resolution.

[Svengoolie 3]

I'm resolving to stop watching the simpsons.

They've decided to let the mighty magic PC fairy wave her wand of offense and make Apu disappear because people found him "offensive".

Well, a lot of overweight people see various simpsons characters as offensive. Homer, comic ship guy, chief wiggum, etc. all are offensive to a lot of people.

But they don't offended a group that's on the PC protection list. So they get to stay and offend people who don't matter.

Well, to hell with the simpsons. I'm a progressive liberal democrat and I'm sick and tired of the arrogant intolerant hypocrisy of PC. I'm resolving to quit watching the simpsons even in reruns as a protest against the hypocrisy of eliminating one character that offends a few people but not others who offend a lot more.

[Alex]

From the interviews I've read they didn't want the character removed but changed to present a more positive image of Indian men. Removing him entirely was something of a FU to the PC brigade rather than them caving into pressure. Now the same people who complained about Apu are now complaining that it is one less Asian character on TV. I say they got exactly what they deserved.

Funny thing is, The Simpsons some years ago had done an episode that covered this very kind of subject within their Itchy & Scratchy cartoon.

[Svengoolie 3]

Maybe they could have just not changed him and all and basically told the PC brigade to GFT?

[Alex]

Possibly. I just think its funny that all the achieved was in their terms to lose a representative off TV, and someone who I'd have said was a fairly positive character (ok, its The Simpsons, no one is 100% a positive character). Having said that I did quit watching the show years ago because I just didn't find it funny any more. I figured it needed to take a couple of years break from being on TV and come up with some fresh stuff.

[indianasmith]

My resolution is to drop 20 more pounds and settle into the 220's for the foreseeable future.
If I can drop 40 in less than six months, I should be able to do 20 more.

[ER]

Okay, I will break with tradition and make a resolution. I resolve to undertake one of the few things my father, who has done more for me than anyone else in my life, has ever asked of me, and learn German, so I can help him more in his business. What the hey, a fourth language will probably be useful, and besides, I want to know what he's shouting when he cusses in Krautese.

[Svengoolie 3]

https://youtu.be/La4Dcd1aUcE

Th is the only case I know of where German sounded beautiful. Normally it sounds kinda brutal,  even ugly. But this woman made it sound beautiful... 

[RCMerchant]

I promise I will smoke even more pot in the future (now that it's legal here), and waste my life buying useless junk that will likely get sold at a yard sale when I die.

[Rev. Powell]

I promise I will smoke even more pot in the future (now that it's legal here), and waste my life buying useless junk that will likely get sold at a yard sale when I die.

A fantastic resolution, both achievable and inspirational! 

[316zombie]

i resolve to learn to appreciate red wine as a beverage. well...i resolve to TRY, anyway.

[ER]

I’ve found you can get away with almost anything once, except a second time. A second time you never get away with a first time. Second times just don’t lend themselves to first-time experiences.

I was thinking about that this morning when I woke up. (This “morning” yeah, I slept so late I’m surprised nobody put one of those long white Rip Van Winkle beards on me and tried to convince me we no longer had a king.)

I also woke up feeling happy, and I think new year’s day has that effect since more than any other holiday it is about the optimism of forward thinking.

Birthdays? Eh, that much closer to the great black screen.

Christmas….mixed bag, the joy of giving and receiving, but also stress, like this year my cousin asked me if I’d gained a pound or was retaining water. I said neither and she went, hmm, peed on a stick lately? Yeah, stressful.

Valentine’s Day? Ever cracked a tooth on those petrified candy hearts they give you that say “Sweets to a Sweet” on them? Oughta say, “Cash to your Dentist.”

But new year’s, nah, man, new year’s is great. If you survive the binge drinking of the night before, you’re set.

I like new year’s, new year’s is about happy times, it’s about believing things will be better, and that’s beautiful, since the world loves an optimist like it hates a cynic. So I woke up and recited the catechism: This is the year I regain my tennis game even better than it was before life stabbed me in the gut in 1994! This is the year I finally finish Les Mis! This is the year I conquer my phobia of horses, nature’s patient assassins! This is the year I perfect brevity!

It’s the year I really do great things with my family.

Like today I’m staying home with the family here, not driving to Columbus to my cousin’s house to watch the Rose Bowl, despite his big party. New year’s day, it’s a good time to be with family. Family means everything. It is after all the tie that blinds. (Isn’t that how that goes?) It’s a day to tell your oldest, “No, sweetheart, you can’t hang with your friends, we’re all staying home today. Of course I’m not ruining your life, dear. What do you mean by that? Why would you say that to me? No, I am not a terrible mother and a worse person, I just want us to be togeth---- You shouldn’t say stuff like that. And don’t slam your bedroom door! Well don’t slam it next time.”

Do you make new year’s resolutions? I’ve made at least two, the one I made in here a few days ago, learning German (you’re welcome, Dad), and one in 1992, which lasted about five days, but breaking it wasn’t all my fault.

I was a really good kid. I was. Homework always done, clothes put away, grades beyond high, I came in when I was supposed to, I always wore clean white underwear (sorry, Trevor),  I was amazing. Too amazing to last, but I didn’t know it yet. Part of being a RGK was I did not say bad words. No, never.

Except one day I did.

I was thirteen, it was Christmastime, and I was I frustrated about something so I let slip a salty monosyllable. I really truly think I put my hand over my mouth after I realized I said it, that’s how good I was. Fortunately I was alone but it still felt like introducing some bio-toxin into a sterile environment, so I Confessed it (big C) that Saturday and after the Hail Marys and Our Fathers the priest doled out to erase my horrible offense against Christ, resolved never ever to say another bad word.

To make to official I repeated my vow on new year’s eve in front of Mr. Dick Clark on TV: I make it my resolution not to say cuss words.

Man, I was so wholesome I’d have made Opie Taylor puke.

We went back to school after CHRISTMAS break, and assembled for morning Mass, that daily breakfast with Jesus in wafer form, and as we were in line out in the hall, waiting to go into church, the boy next to me, he was from Georgia and kind of wild, asked me, “What’s the dirtiest word you can think of to say in church?”

Welllll, one instantly flashed into my thoughts, which was bad in itself, thinking of that word while heading into church, but I said, “Well I can’t say it.”

“Aw, say it,” this boy coaxed.

“No.”

“Say it.”

“Nooo.”

A few minutes later in church while we were seated during the invocation, he whispered to me, “Say the word.”

I gave my head a vigorous shake, flopping my ponytail, and kept staring ahead.

“Just whisper it.”

I refused.

“Mouth it then without any sound.”

I shook my head again, and he let it go until church was over, then as we were walking out he said, “Okay, I think I know the word you thought of but I want to see how well I guessed. Just kind of say it.”

Since we weren’t actually IN church anymore and he was letting me off without technically saying the whole thing, I mostly said it: “Motherfffer.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

Blending out an all-important syllable, kind of making it a long ffff I repeated, “Motherfffer.”

“I can’t understand you.”

“Motherfukker!”

And that was the end of my 1992 resolution.

Boys, they always have led me astray.

[Alex]

Decided that I am no longer going to feel obliged to eat everything put on a plate for me.