Universal Studios Orlando

[Olivia Bauer]

I got back from a five day vacation with my dad in Florida. We skipped Disney World and just got express passes for Universal Studios. It was a truly awesome experience in spite of some flaws and I'm glad I had the chance to take part in it. To break it down:

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Sights
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Walking around the park itself is very impressive in each area but none are as impressive as the two Harry Potter areas, Diagon Alley and Hogsmead Village. The amount of effort that went in to this park is absolutely astounding. The snow in Hogsmead looked fake as f**k but the rest of it was awe inspiring.

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Food/Drink
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We didn't eat at that many in-park restaurants but the few we did do were kinda disappointing. Hard Rock Cafe had great atmosphere and was a visual wonder but I the actual food was nothing above acceptable. Although, even the atmosphere was kinda ruined by them occasionally playing s**t like Beyonce.

The food in Hogsmead was also just acceptable, but I was pretty let down that we paid so much for food that was inferior to s**t we could get at Culver's for much cheaper. We also ordered a pumpkin pasty because it looked amazing but were pretty let down. There's a bunch of frosting on top and sub-par cake underneath.

The Butterbeer was a huge let down. The first sip is amazing because of the delicious foam on top. But when you get past the foam and into the actual liquid there's so little flavor it's barely above club soda. I might look for a copycat recipe online and make my own version but better. It's decent frozen, though.

While the Butterbeer was lame I was surprisingly much more happy with Pumpkin Juice. I'm not a fan of pumpkin anything so I didn't look forward to trying it but ironically I liked it more than the Butterbeer by a longshot. It was apple cider, cinnamon, and pumpkin puree. Pretty damned tasty, although I'm still skeptical of the $7 price.

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Rides
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You can't go to a theme park and not go on the rides. Here they all are from best to worst:

Spider-Man
Easily the best out of all of the rides. It was a decent length and was pretty self-aware of how cheesy it was. If you're unaware, a lot of Universal Rides use 3D glasses and rollercoasters in enclosed buildings to create the experience of actually being there. The effect works pretty well though. I'm a sucker for Spider-Man so of course I loved it.

Gringott's Bank
Easily the best Harry Potter ride. I would have ranked it above Spider-Man but I found it to be way too short. When we got to the end I literally said "That's it?"
Still, I'm glad I went on it and thought it was enjoyable either way.

Hogwarts Castle
It was a lot of fun but it was kinda ruined for me since I needed to close my eyes during the part where you go into the forest with all the spiders. Yes, yes, everyone laugh at how much of a p***y A.J. is but I don't care. Spiders and insects freak the s**t out of me on an instinctual level. Still, I was happy with the rest of the ride.

Hogwarts Express
Now we're getting into the kinda lame ones. No 3D glasses or anything, the window is basically just a TV screen. The only cool thing was that the cabin doors were capable of creating fake silhouettes. I don't really know how. I was kinda looking forward to this one since I figured there would be Dementors and I kinda looked forward to seeing their silhouettes against the door as frost forms outside the window. However I had to ride twice before I got to see that and I was underwhelmed if just because there was no window frost. The first Dementor scene in the third Harry Potter movie was immensely terrifying to me as a kid and I wanted to experience that terror in the first person. No such luck.

The only reason I'm going to be lenient on this one is because it actually was a literal train used to go across the park. So at the very least it's helpful for transit.

The Simpson's
No 3D glasses, just screens, and pretty ineffective. You fall in water and they don't even spray you. The most interesting thing that happens is that you go in Maggie's mouth (Ew) and it smells like baby powder. I don't think that goes in a baby's mouth, just sayin'. But hey it WAS just as funny as The Simpsons... modern day Simpsons.

Kong Skull Island
Incredibly lame. King Kong looked like s**t and I wasn't absorbed into what was happening at all. I know they aren't supposed to be super convincing but it's hard to get immersed when King Kong is throwing T-Rexes at our car and we're somehow not getting crushed into pancakes.

Some Hippogriff rollercoaster thing
Tiny and uncomfortable with no doors on the side. The coaster was intentionally designed to look like a wicker basket for some reason. Very short with minor drops. Extremely underwhelming.

Poseidon's Fury
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGG! It wasn't even a ride. You walk through some hall as an annoying tour guide is horrifically unfunny and it tries to do this kinda story-based experience that didn't work because I couldn't care. Also the bad guy looked like a Flash Gordon villain. By far the worst attraction and a complete waste of my time.

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Complaints aside I'd say it was a mostly positive experience.

[316zombie]

you are NOT a p***y, AJ! that would be me. i can't stay in the house if there's a spider in it, i go somewhere until someone comes and finds it and kills it for me. being bitten by a brown recluse will do that to you.

[Pacman000]

Youch! I'm sorry you were bit.

[316zombie]

thanks pac. it could have been worse, thankfully i had a chinese doctor at the time. i called her from work when it started with the red threading around the bite and she told me to make a paste of msg and put it on there to stop the poison spreading and coe in the next day.
 if i hadn't done that, the scarring would have been alot worse, and i could have died if i'd let it go another 2 days. as it is, i have a scar deep enough to hide my thumb to the first joint. hurt like hell when they cut out the dead flesh, but she put this msg/herb mix, som kind of poppy, on it and it was bearable until it finally healed. i had to go commando and wear skirts for about 3 weeks though, lol!

[Olivia Bauer]

The prospect of a spider biting me is unpleasant to think about, but that's not why they scare me.
It's their faces. I can't explain what it is. There's just something about those f**king mandibles that scare the p**s out of me. I hate it.

[Alex]

I have some pictures of some really cute looking spiders if that would help?

[Olivia Bauer]

I have some pictures of some really cute looking spiders if that would help?

Please don't.

[316zombie]

i wasn't afraid of them at all before that, but i can understand your creeped outness, i'm that way with snails faces.

[sprite75]

My next trip to Orlando to visit my sister, brother in law, and their feline kiddos we'll probably do Universal Studios since we did the Epcot Death March (h/t the late John Pinette) along with all the other Disney stuff on my first trip there.  I don't know when that will be though.  Probably not till later this year.  When I go to Peru in December my return flight goes through Orlando but I'll only be there for a couple hours until my flight back to Chicago.

[RCMerchant]

i wasn't afraid of them at all before that, but i can understand your creeped outness, i'm that way with snails faces.

How do you get that close to a snail, that you can actually see it's...face!? 

[Olivia Bauer]

i wasn't afraid of them at all before that, but i can understand your creeped outness, i'm that way with snails faces.

How do you get that close to a snail, that you can actually see it's...face!? 

Photos maybe?

[316zombie]

pallet gardening, actually. i've had a few over the years at places i worked, and have discovered that snails really like to scare the crp out of me while i'm picking stuff. especially with the lettuces. they sit there on the slat and give me the evil eye while i pick leaf lettuce.

[BoyScoutKevin]

As many times as I have been to central Florida over the years, I have never managed to get to Universal. I've been to the one in California twice, but never the one in Florida. One of these days I'll have to go, if only to chow down at its Classic Monsters Cafe. While I have never found a complete playlist for it, chowing down while "Monster Mash," "Time Warp," etc. plays in the background just appeals to me.