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Author Topic: S.N.U.B!  (Read 1853 times)
Alex
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« on: April 13, 2019, 04:41:27 PM »

S.N.U.B!
Rated: UK 18
1 slime
Copyright 2010 Angry Badger films
Submitted by Dark Alex.


Ok first off I am going to give you fair warning. I have only watched this film once. It was several years ago and it annoyed the hell out of me.


THE CHARACTERS
Flight Lieutenant Sweeney: The 'hero' of the piece. Most of the deaths come from following him giving orders in order to keep the MP (who should not be there) happy. Despite being a RAF communications officer, he wears a special forces top along with what looks like chinos. Walks around with his hands in his pockets. Has a Scouse accent (Liverpool) and forgot to put his rank tabs on. Officers don't like not having their rank tabs on as then they look like ordinary people.
Norman Chase MP : An idiot who seems to conspire with Flt Lt Sweeney in order to get everyone deadified. Has a habit of repeating bad news back to people who have just told him something.
Marcia Grain: A political advisor. American.
Private Gill: A female soldier.
Sophie: A PA. Nice to know large breasts will survive the apocalypse.
Mrs. Chase: The junior minister's wife. Seems to be aware her husband is a bit of philanderer.
Sgt Jones: A Scottish engineer.
Kevin: A civilian.
Private Lee: This guy missed basic firearms handling and shoots at cats.
Cpl Pearce: Believes in old school punishments for wasting rounds.

Bomb Disposal NCO: Cuts a wrong wire and incinerates London. May work for Securicor at the weekends as he wears their uniform.
Bomb Disposal Officer: Gets a front row seat at Ground Zero, but at least he was dressed in his field uniform.



LESSONS LEARNED

Army bomb disposal experts have X-ray vision and magic fingers that allow them to tell that a metal suitcase isn't booby-trapped merely by touching it and giving it a good look.
Only three men are required to check a large building for terrorists.
Running in front of another soldier's rifle when he is trying to cover you is a perfectly acceptable SOP.
All terrorists are unable to hear soldiers shouting loudly, therefore there is no requirement to remain quiet while doing a search.
Semtex is a vital component in a nuclear device.
Officers have no backbone and even during an apocalypse will crumble before any random elected official.
Listening to officers gets you killed.

STUFF TO WATCH FOR
00:13:00. He just picked that wire to cut at random, didn't he?
00:13:08. Yup.
00:15:20. How did she know they were on the edge of the blast zone. That indicates she knew where the bomb was.
00:21:10. Crash and burn. Saving someone from a fiery death does not mean they will automatically want to have sex with you it seems.
00:21:45. Firing on full automatic. Because that is what we are trained to do, not use single shots.
01:09:53. Norman finally gets what he deserves.


NOTABLE QUOTES

"You better get it fixed or there won't be anyone to be rescued!"

"Not in this lifetime. Norman."


THE PLOT

The film opens with what looks like a satellite tracking a boat going down the Thames. Then either a bomb disposal team with super-powers or who are incredibly incompetent at even the most basic procedures are doing a sweep and clear in what looks like an empty warehouse (I wonder if anyone has ever done a movie about a werehouse. I must google that at some future point). They run from room to room, merrily crossing in front of other soldiers lines of fire when they are trying to provide cover for them and yell "Clear" every time they enter a room.

It is no surprise then that they do not find any terrorists who would have been warned by all this yelling and have plenty of time to escape.

Anyway, they do manage to find a metal suitcase. This represents a huge leap in their performance so far. Even if it is the only object in the building I would not have been surprised had they missed this bomb. Anyway, one of the trio examines the case by running his hands of it and determines from this that it is not booby-trapped in any way and is safe to open, rather than say carrying out the standard operating procedure of establishing a cordon at least 400 meters away from the building and evacuating everyone from that zone. On opening the box, it does indeed have a bomb inside it. You can tell this because it has metal bits inside, wires, and most importantly sticks marked "Semtex" on the side, a plastic explosive that was a favourite of the IRA back in the '80s and '90s.

The action then switches to Westminster, where a junior minister (someone with more responsibilities than the average member of Parliament, but still low down in the pecking order) called Norman Chase discovers a fax confirming that a bomb squad has found a 20 megaton nuclear device in the heart of London. The S.N.U.B. does seem to be in a rather rural area. I am not sure how many there are of them close to Westminster, but apparently, there was enough time to drive outside London before the bomb goes off.

Maybe Semtex is required to start a nuclear explosion? I must confess my ignorance of how a nuclear bomb actually detonates. My training in that department involves more on trying to survive it (stay down even after the positive shock wave passes over you because a negative wave will follow. Really. A nuclear missile has just detonated somewhere close by and the best advice you can give me is lie down and wait for the blast waves to pass over.

Nevermind, I am sure that will be all fine and dandy then.

Anyway, he tells a young black female American political advisor (Marcia) about this imminent danger (possibly hoping to continue the human race in the bunker. If so he may be sorely disappointed as even with the threat of a nuclear bomb going off she reprimands him and tells him to call her Miss Grain), tells her to drop everything and come with him. He admits he shouldn't have seen this information, but now that he has he knows where they can go for shelter. He heads to a car and convinces some unsmiling men in suits that he is actually high enough in the government to be allowed in the SNUB (Secure Nuclear Underground Bunker). He drives off with her. She mistakes a nearby prison full of rapists and murderers for their destination, but the bunker is instead nearby. He passes through a military checkpoint, making a note to complain about security to the Minister for Defence later on.

He arrives at the bunker and immediately berates the nearest military person he can find for them allowing people to bring their families (although the families present includes his), then whines and complains about the state of supplies. Only people who are vital to the running of the country are supposed to be allowed in.

This would not include junior ministers. Remember, this guy wouldn't actually be allowed in it and is relying on bluff and bluster, or just natural arrogance in.

Every so often the action switches back to the bomb disposal team, who seem to have been replaced with security guards wearing the kind of body protection you'd associate with transferring the takings from a small local shop. His blast visor is also up so would, therefore, provide no protection should the bomb go off. You could argue that if a nuclear bomb goes off at that range no amount of protection is going to help, in which case why wear any of that cumbersome gear at all?

Mr. Chase is introduced to the OIC of the bunker, Flt Lt Sweeney. Chase, missing no opportunity to make friends immediately starts complaining about the old communications gear (or crap as he refers to it as). As the bunker has only recently been recommisioned, all the equipment in it is in the process of being modernised.

Anyway, with 45 seconds to go, Mr. Security Guard cuts a wire and the timer suddenly runs down very quickly. London disappears in a fireball and everyone is told to get inside and secure the bunker. Lights flicker and fail, then come back on.

Millions of people have just died. About a 45-mile radius around the bomb would have been annihilated (this includes the men manning the checkpoint that the MP was unhappy with, so the bunker does seem to have been within the radius of destruction) Mr. Chase informs the gathered civilian survivors and they just need to await rescue. He starts ordering Private Gill to go do a stock take of their supplies and let him know what the situation is. She goes to the supply area where a couple of male squadies are searching through the supplies to see if anyone thought to put some booze in.

Marcia goes off to the female dormitory where she meets Sophie. She is a PA for Chase, although I am not sure if it is being a secretary that makes her essential personnel, or her boobs. Sophie slept through the explosion and is a bit surprised by the world whoever ended.

We then switch back to our two 'alpha' males. Sweeney has to explain to Chase just why communications won't work due to the EMP blast and why they still have electricity (because he can't figure out on his own a bunker would have its own generators). And no, Mr. Chase, your mobile phone won't work in an underground concrete bunker and even if it did the chances are there aren't many phone masts left above ground.

And we switch back again to Private Gill and the two male squadies. She thinks she hears something moving. No idea what rank they are as no one wears rank tabs. The two men pick up their rifles (SA-80's Mk 2s with SUSAT's).

Chase has wandered into the female dormitory where he hits on Marcia who tells him not if he was the last man on earth. Quite rightly too, the man is an odious oik.

Back to the squadies hunting what they think are rats making the noises. The power must be out to this part of the building at they use torches to search for the rats. Also, they keep them pointed around chest height. One of them sees what looks like human figures wearing NBC (Nuclear Biological Chemical) suits and S-10 respirators (standard UK armed forces issue some years back) and opens fire. The suits are empty though just being spare ones hanging up. And now useless because someone filled them full of holes. A cat leaps out of one of the suits. Since he nearly shot the cat I am hoping he dies quite soon.

Private Gill wanders back upstairs to let everyone know everything is ok and the gunfire was an accident. Chase has sent the women to the kitchen where they are preparing a meal. Sophie walks in and immediately there is tension between her and Mr. Chase's wife. At this point, I am not sure what her name is. One of the civilians, a young man called Kevin is sent to round up everyone to tell them dinner has been prepared. He goes wandering into the bowels of the bunker. Going through a room with lots of machinery he gets a fright when a Scotsman shouts at him not to touch some equipment, warning him it gets very hot. This is Sgt Jones who was brought in to get the generator working. Upstairs, people are gathering for their meal, except for Private Lee who as a punishment for wasting ammo is cleaning the toilet with a toothbrush. Honestly, he is getting off quite lightly there. The penalty for an ND (negligent discharge) is £800 per round. Private Lee would be a poor man.

Over dinner, the group discusses their situation. The military people explain that it looks like the blast took out their radio tower and Chase repeats what they say. Flt Lt Sweeney tells them that the mast is down and that due to the high levels of radiation outside they can't go outside and fix it. Since no one knows they are in the bunker, they might not have a rescue on the way. Chase tells them they will just have to go outside and fix it. The squadies say they can use some of the undamaged NBC suits, go outside and fix the mast and get up to go sort it, but Mrs. Chase insists they finish their dinner first, proving she is a better person than her husband. Since there are only two working suits Sweeney says he'll take one of them. Pearce goes to collect Lee who is still cleaning the toilet. Kevin goes to wash the dishes where two civilian girls join him, offering to help but admitting they are pretty useless as they've never been in a kitchen before and don't normally speak to the hired help. One is a diplomats daughter and the other doesn't really give her back story. One of them is called Tanya, and the other is Anna.

Sweeney, Pearce, and Lee get suited up to go outside.

Hold on just one second. They said they had two suits left and the third was shot full of holes and yet three of them are going outside. I guess one of them gets to have a one-way trip. Ah, Sweeney isn't actually going to go outside. He is just seeing them off. He does help lock the door behind them though. The men head out into a strangely pinking glowing outside. Sweeney keeps in contact with the men outside. The men can see no more than ten meters and go looking for the radio mast, commenting on the red glow everything has. They report the communications cable has been sawn through and then they report movement. Inside the bunker, they hear gunfire, followed by screams. Gill hears banging on the outer door and decides to open it. A figure stands there with one of the soldier's heads. Gill retreats to the inner door firing her rifle until she runs out of ammo but Sweeney refuses to let Marcia open the inner door and Private Gill is dragged off by whatever killed the men.

This leaves Sgt Jones as the only guy under Sweeney's command. Neither of them has any guns. He (Jones), meanwhile is back down with all the life support machinery. He looks at a photo of his family and hopes they are ok, and then drinks a toast to the memory of the three lost soldiers. He can hear some strange noises echoing through the room, possibly from the air vents.

Chase complains that the soldiers abandoned them, forcing Gill to accompany them (hence the screams), and walked to safety in their NBC suits. Marcia tells him he is full of s**t and storms off. These people also start to hear noises echoing down the air vents.

Sophie has gone for a shower while all this is going on and Marcia goes looking for Sweeney. Jones is clearing a blockage in a fan and discovers blood on the far side of the blades and Mrs. Chase confronts Sophie who is getting dried off. The women get b***hy with each other.

Sgt Jones goes climbing through the air vents following the trail of blood while Sweeney helps out by telling him if he doesn't get it fixed they will all die. There is a lot of blood inside the vent and Jones tells Sweeney it could only have got there by something coming in from the surface.

Isn't an experienced engineer like Jones lucky to have an officer around to point out useful information like that, that he would have been completely unaware of if it wasn't pointed out to him. Jones is, however, unable to reach the filters to clean them which means the bunker is going to have an air supply problem. Marcia overhears Sweeney shouting that they have to keep this a secret from everyone else in the bunker, and naturally wants to know what it is they need to keep secret. Sweeney gives in a tells her, while Jones says if they shut down the system for a few hours he can fix it. Sweeney is worried they will run out of air, but this will happen if they don't shut it down.

The camera now jumps to one of the soldiers who went outside in the vent. I think it is private Lee. He is wounded, and something gets him. He screams a bit, but these noises don't seem to echo through the vents the way things moving about inside them do.

Tanya and Kevin are making out in the kitchen when Anna interrupts them and accuses her of making out with the delivery boy in a contemptuous voice. She says she was just teasing him and the pair of women walk off to find something to amuse themselves. Sweeney and Marcia are checking the outsides of the vents as far as they can and flirting with each other. She tries to persuade him to tell the group just how much trouble they are in, but he refuses.

No one seems worried that three of the group as far as they can tell have been killed, or even slightly worried. They talk about awaiting rescue, the loss of their comrades all forgotten about.

Then we get another shot of Private Lee, looks like he is dead now and being eaten.

At this point, I am going to take a break and come back to finish this review tomorrow.

Ok, a couple of days later than I had planned, but let's get this bad boy finished.

Sweeney and Marcia return to the group, passing by a dead body and failing to spot it. Sweeney then says he is going off to find Sgt Jones but decides on the way to have a swig of a bottle of vodka. He also spots a pistol in a drawer. We then cut back to the group who hear banging on the door to the bunker. A debate breaks out on wither they should open the door or not, or wither who ever is outside could break through the doors. Since they are designed to withstand a nuclear blast that would be an impressive feat. Kevin suggests someone going outside to look for help. He reveals he repaired the damaged NBC suit with a bicycle repair kit.

Lots of MacGuyver points there I guess.

Norman Chase says it is a stupid plan and no one is going to believe some teenager. When it is suggested that as a member of the government perhaps he should go then, he demands one of the military goes instead. That would leave Sgt Jones, who is the only one who can keep them alive or Sweeney. Since the Sgt is busy, Sweeney valiantly decides to let Marcia go instead when she volunteers. Sweeney offers Marcia the gun, but she turns it down. Mrs. Chase takes it instead.

We switch to Sophie who is sleeping and is rudely awoken by a rope being pulled tight over her mouth.

And back to Sweeney and Marcia. He gives her a radio headset and a compass. She heads out of an emergency exit and tells him that it looks like everything is burning. We get an outside shot of debris being blown about while on fire. Then the radio goes dead.

We get a quick image of Sophie with her hands tied trying to escape from someone and then back to the group.

Sweeney and Chase start arguing, with the former calling the latter a coward for not going out instead of the woman.

Pot calling kettle for a colour check.

The shouting match between the men starts to get physical when a rather large man, half his face burned comes staggering in. Mrs. Chase pulls out the revolver and proceeds to put him down with a terminal case of lead poisoning. Meanwhile, Marcia is lost and wondering why Sweeney isn't talking to her on her radio. Sgt Jones emerges from a vent shaft. He is holding something he found in the shaft which turns out to be a set of dog tags, presumably Private Lee's.

Back with the group and Chase now has the gun. Discussing the man Mrs. Chase just killed, they decide from his clothes he must have been a prisoner from the nearby prison. Sweeney tells them that some of the prisoners were used as labour for the recommissioning of the S.N.U.B.

So, a bunker where the government is supposed to hide in the event of a nuclear has a bunch of prisoners who all know its location and how to access it without going through either the main door or the emergency exit. Well isn't that just bloody clever.

It isn't unrealistic for a prison to survive a nuclear blast though. Assuming you don't have access to a bunker, apparently, next best buildings to try and survive in are prisons and libraries as both are built with stronger walls than most buildings. And that is today's handy tip for surviving the initial nuclear apocalypse. Or you could just get elected and be the person who can press the button, cause a nuclear war AND get the best possible kind of bunker. Seems a bit odd to me. Surely, it would make more sense to tell the people with that power, if the balloon goes up and you launch those missiles, you are going to be outside watching it with the rest of the ordinary people.

But I digress.

Norman Chase berates his wife for using all the ammunition from the gun too quickly. I agree. She should have let the intruder kill him first and then opened fire. She tells him to shut up and then asks, what if he opened the door for all the other prisoners. Sweeney runs off to check the door followed by Kevin. They slam the door almost fully shut just as an arm pokes through. Mrs. Chase follows them and is told to grab an axe as the two men try to hold the door shut. She just killed a man without blinking, but gets a bit girly about merely chopping an arm off, but after some squeeling she gets on with it and with a few swipes the arm is no longer a problem. This seems to traumatise her a bit though and everyone returns to the main room.

Everyone realises Anna and Tanya went to the toilet quite a while ago and have not returned. I don't find this unusual behaviour in human females. One of them (Anna) goes to go in a cubical and finds a crispy prisoner sitting there. He grabs her and smashes her head off a sink leaving the group with one less useless rich girl, while the other one (Tanya) runs off crying.

Marcia just found the mutilated remains of Cpl Pearce before we jump again to Sgt Jones, who has just got the whole air supply situation fixed when he hears a growling. He looks around to investigate but before we see what happens we move back to Sweeney and Mrs. Chase looking for the girls. They hear one of them screaming. The fleeing girl runs into a room, slamming the door behind her when another prisoner enters from a different door. He grabs her head and we switch back to Sgt Jones as a figure moves closer to him. He see's it coming and picks up a heavy wrench telling him to "Come on then!"

Sgt Jones isn't from Glasgow then. If he was then the words he'd have said would have been "Moan then ya bass! Gezza square go." which translated means "I say you chap of uncertain parentage. Let us raise our fists and fight according to the Queensberry Rules." The first mutant(?) prisoner gets his head bashed in, and then a second trying to sneak up behind him gets bathed in scalding steam when the good Sgt turns a valve. Just as you are thinking that this guy might just get the MVP award, a third mutant jumps on his back a buries a shiv deep in his neck.

Still, if I had to survive in this situation I'd pick him and Mrs. Chase. The rest are just varying degrees of wet blankets.

And another jump, this time to the aforementioned Mrs. Chase. Her and the useless Flight Lewy walk into the room just in time to prevent Tanya getting her head ripped off. The redoubtable matron lays in about the prisoner with the axe (see, told you she was a pick. Might not make it to the end credits but she'll kick arse on the way). We see Sophie now totally tied up and bound somewhere and then Tanya and Mrs. Chase walk into the bathroom. Tanya screams when she see's what is left of Anna, and then they head back to the others (which means Norman, Kevin and a small boy by this point). Mrs. Chase blames her husband for telling the girls it would be safe to go to the toilet and is suprised that more than one mutant prisoner made it into the bunker. Tanya goes to Kevin to be comforted.

After some more recriminations, it is decided that everyone should go together and find Sgt Jones. If they had all decided that 20 minutes ago I have the funny feeling a lot more people would have survived.

Marcia is wandering around in a dark and fiery wasteland when she finds the way back into the bunker (main enterance). She sounds like she is having an orgasm while she stumbles around.

I never had that much fun in an NBC suit myself. Perhaps it is the bicycle repair kit doing it for her? She finds the missing Private Gill chained up and outside her suit and tries to free her when a growling noise causes Gill to scream.

And we jump back to the others. Sweeney finds Jones when he collapses onto him and immediately pulls the knife out of his neck.

Yeah, that's day one basics being ignored right there. Jones's assailent is heading towards them and bringing company, so the survivors decide to leg it, carefully closing doors behind them to slow down the invaders, but don't bar the doors or anything. Norman ushers the kids and young ones through a door, to safety then runs off in the other direction telling his wife and Sweeney to come with him. When they realise he has abandoned the kids, they leave him and run back. Just as they do the young boy is thrown to his death(?) off a staircase by one of the prisoners. Sweeney finally does something and punches the murderer then throws him off the stairs while other mutants attack someone I couldn't make out in a corner. Kevin runs down to the boy, wraps a chain around him and lifts it up allowing the others to grab the boys body and run off carrying him. Maybe he isn't dead afterall.

Good for him.

Kevin however gets a shard of glass rammed into his neck for his troubles. Tanya (guess it was her in the corner), screams and one of the prisoners shuts her up by breaking her neck. Everyone then runs up the stairs, and Mrs. Chase uses the axe to jam the door shut. They run into Marcia who asks what is going on. Sweeney tells them they need to abandon the bunker and take their chances with the radiation. A helicopter is waiting for them just outside. Everyone runs into it, although when Norman tries to get in, his wife kicks him out into the waiting hands of the prisoners. Marcia is upset because she had to abandon Private Gill, but Sweeney tells her not to worry about it and kisses her.

And they fly off into a romantic radioactive sunset.

What I learned from this movie.

Semtex is a vital component of a nuclear weapon.
London has remote farms.
Even during the apocalypse, women will still be sent to the kitchen to make sandwiches. So some sanity prevails.  BounceGiggle
Fresh produce like potatoes and eggs are kept in nuclear bunkers and don't go off.
If a politician gets you killed, he will blame you for it (realisitic then).
RAF officers will abandon their subordinates at the first sign of trouble (actually this is true, I've seen it happen a couple of times).
You can repair an NBC suit to full working order (at least temporarily) with a standard puncture repair kit.
It is surprisingly easy to infiltrate a nuclear bunker via the air ducts.
Top secret locations are refurbished by prison inmates.
There was a damn good reason I hadn't watched this film in 9 years. I don't think I will ever watch it again.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2019, 02:42:06 PM by Dark Alex » Logged

But do you understand That none of this will matter Nothing can take your pain away
Svengoolie 3
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« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2019, 09:24:45 PM »

Yes,  it, s possible semtex could be used in some nuclear weapons.  Yes it is.

Most fission warheads today are plutonium based implosion type weapons more like the bomb that was dropped on Nagasaki instead of the simpler critical mass bong bropled on Hiroshima.

An implosion type bomb uses a plutonium isotope.  A sphere of it is placed inside a chamber that is encased in a larger sphere made of shaped charges of plastic explosives.  When the charges are detonates the tremendous pressure generated forces the sphere to implode,  creating a higher level of neutron density that results in the neutrons released by the normal decay on plutonium atoms to such a level it creates a nuclear chain reaction, splitting the atoms of a high percentage of the plutonium atoms,  releasing an escalating cascade of neutrons with cause more atomic fission and BOOM!

Semtex could probably serve as the explosive needed to trigger the implosion.
Logged

The doctor that circumcised Trump threw away the wrong piece.
Alex
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 984
Posts: 7682



« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2019, 02:34:00 PM »

And finished. Anyone who wants the disc can have it, I don't plan on ever watching it again.  Cheers
Logged

But do you understand That none of this will matter Nothing can take your pain away
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