Things your Dad usta say.

[ER]

"If your friends all wanted to jump off a bridge, would you push them?"

I would respond- "Yes!".
When my Dad usta say " If all your freinds jumped off a cliff, would you"?
At that time, yes I would!~ "Just to get away from your crazy ass!"

Good reply!

[ER]

"For the love of Christ, Ellie, I grounded you, OK, you act like I put you in solitary confinement with Hitler's wife."

[ER]

"Because if you jump out your bedroom window and somehow make it to the pool, I'll close the pool for the rest of the summer, and if you jump out your window and smack on the concrete patio, which you will, I'll still make you go to school even if you're in a wheelchair. That's why not."

[RCMerchant]

"For the love of Christ, Ellie, I grounded you, OK, you act like I put you in solitary confinement with Hitler's wife."

That might be interesting. I would like to talk to her. Maybe even try to get in her pants!
It couldn't be that hard. I mean-Hitler managed to do it- and he was Hitler!

[ER]

"Our family are mutts. We're not WASPS, we're not WASCS, we're not any one thing, we're so crossbred from all over northern Europe, we're mutts. We're like Tramp. Tramp was cool, though, wasn't he?"

[ER]

"No, I didn't know you'd just come back from his apartment that day I came home early and invited you to play me chess. Bet I won that game extra easy, didn't I?"

[ER]

"Because if 'if I say so' isn't a good enough reason, remember, I pay your allowance and can also put you in a school run by nuns."

[ER]

"Actually, yeah, I think me marrying her does make her your stepmother."

[RCMerchant]

" You sawed off little s**t!"
Which is funny because I'm only 5'2" and he was 5'5".

[RCMerchant]

" Your full of p**s and vinegar!"
Which I reckon he got right, for once...

[ER]

"Growing up I was scared of my father, and I never wanted you to be scared of me, El. Your grandpa treated my sisters like princesses and me like a lump of cold clay he had a God-given duty to pound into shape.

"One day he decided to make me take up boxing. I was fifteen, and he put me in this gym in  a rough part of town, and I discovered there were scarier people out there than my dad, so in that way it was educational for me.

"Then there came the Saturday of my first fight, and I thought about running away from home I was so spooked. Not even your grandma could talk your grandpa out of making me get in the ring and fight. What's worse my opponent was this black kid who meaner than a snake and particularly hated white boys from the East Side like me, and as I stood there I just knew I was in for the ass-whooping of my life. Maybe even brain damage. I was so terrified that when the bell rang I forgot everything they'd taught me that last month and charged at the other guy swinging with both hands, and there was a blur where I may have lost time, and somehow I was standing there with the referee holding my hand in the air saying I'd won.

"Well what had happened is called a TKO, it's when the ref stops the fight or when the other fighter throws in the towel, or when somehow, one fighter falls out of the ring, and that's what happened. The other kid was backing up from my windmilling he tripped over his own foot and somehow fell out of the ring. Your grandpa was so impressed I managed to survive and win he let me quit boxing.

"But guess what? A few years later we were having an argument and I threw my win in the boxing ring up to him to make a point about how I could handle myself and he said, 'So what? I paid that other kid to take a dive that day.'

"So all through high school I'd thought I won a boxing match, but turns out my dad just fixed the fight. So, now you know what a bad parent is actually like, clean your room and quit whining about it."

[RCMerchant]

"Figure it out! You know everything else!"

[indianasmith]

I think ER has won this thread!!! 

[ER]

"My boss should be in the medical books, he's half mouth and half a***ole."

[ER]

"The secret to life is knowing when to kick butts and when to kiss them."