Recent Viewings, Part 2

[Rev. Powell]

MONA LISA AND THE BLOOD MOON (2021): A mysterious woman with psychic powers that enable her to control others escapes from a mental institution and is tricked by a scheming New Orleans stripper (an unglamorous Kate Hudson) into cheating people out of their money. Ana Lily Aminpour's third has a reasonably appealing B-movie aesthetic and a "don't-judge-a-book-by-its-cover" message, but is ultimately inconsequential and underwhelming. 2.5/5.

[Morpheus, the unwoke.]

Dracula Untold - aborted start to a new movie universe.  It's as bad as that makes it sound.  Probably the biggest thing I'll give it credit for is brisk pacing and some pretty effective CG gothic horror elements, about as good as you can get on a PG13 rating.

This was meant to basically make Dracula a comic superhero under a curse movie, like 'I Frankenstein'. Glad it bombed.

[Morpheus, the unwoke.]

Plabet of the vampire women.

I actually watched this mess because it supposedly had a lot of SF reffs in it.

FOR GHAWD'S SAKE DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID!!!!

This movie was inferior to a lot of pr0n movies in terms of filming,  lighting,  sound,  etc. According to imdb it was filned on weekends over like 6 months in a warehouse. The extensive CGI was likely done on a good gaming rig pc using free 3d software. I've seen better in game custscnes.  Acting was nil, plot was a joke and frankly bare b3wbz were a feature which were generally as unimpressive as the rest of this home movie.

If you want background noise, or are a B movie fan with a very strong masochistic streak you can try it. I hope the people making it had fun,  at least that way someone enjoyed it.

[FatFreddysCat]

"Halloween III: Season of the Witch" (1982)
The "Halloween" saga took a brief detour from Michael Myers with this ill-fated, high tech terror tale of a small town doctor (Tom Atkins) who discovers a Druid plot to murder millions of children on Halloween night via booby trapped masks, activated by a TV signal.
"III" was an unsuccessful attempt to turn the "Halloween" franchise into an annual series of stand-alone movies based around the holiday, but audiences wanted more Michael Myers, so they stayed away and "III" tanked at the box office. That's a shame cuz it's actually a pretty fun flick. Happily it seems to have developed a cult following in recent years, after decades of being hated/ignored. Dan O'Herlihy is great as the villainous mask maker, and John Carpenter's spooky as hell synthesized musical score is the coolest!

"The Changeling" (1980)
Following the tragic deaths of his wife and daughter, a composer (George C. Scott) moves across the country into an old mansion to work through his grief. However, he soon learns that his new home has a tragic history and some supernatural secrets of of its own. A very cool, old school, slow burning ghost story that raised the hairs on the back of my neck more than once. They don't make 'em like this anymore.

[Morpheus, the unwoke.]

First spaceship on venus.  Original title 'the silent star'. Not the first time I watched in but bybfar the best quality cut i ever saw, far clearer and more vivid than any version I've seen before, also seemed to hace some scenes I didn't remember seeing before about a moonbase.

[FatFreddysCat]

"Halloween II" (1981)
Picking up mere moments after the events of the '78 O.G., Final Girl Laurie Strode is taken to Haddonfield Memorial Hospital, where Michael Myers eventually arrives to finish her off.  Fortunately for lovers of carnage, the hospital is staffed by a variety of doctors and nurses who provide sufficient cannon fodder for ol' Mikey till Doctor Loomis arrives in the nick of time with his Big F'n Gun.
While not nearly on par with the original, of course, this is probably the best of the many "Halloween" sequels, it's faster paced and noticeably more gory/violent, with a much higher body count.
You're pretty much obligated to watch at least one "Halloween" movie during this time of year. Lord knows you can certainly do worse than this one.

[lester1/2jr]

The Goetia Diaries (2022) - I had to google "found footage horror summon 72 demons at once" because I couldn't remember the name of this. Anyway, that's what happens: a "guy with a popular youtube channel"  and a man-bun type thing gets in too deep in the spirit world, much to the chagrin of his long suffering blonde girlfriend.

Obviously low budget and some of the acting isn't amazing but it's decently well thought out. A little more explanation of the main demon thing they were trying to summon would have been helpful. Why that one?

4/5

I think I'm becoming a millennial. Old B horror movies are just too slow for me so I'm gravitating to these found footage ones that are all hilariously the same. AOC and the Squad should find a way to get electricity from all the old haunted hospitals that are around. the new Spooky Deal

[FatFreddysCat]

"Terror Train" (2022)
Tubi's latest "original" movie is a remake of the 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis cult classic. Three years after a hazing prank goes terribly wrong, a fraternity's annual Halloween party on board an old fashioned passenger train is invaded by a masked slasher with a grudge.
I'm not sure anybody really needed a remake of this movie, but since I haven't seen the original "Terror Train" in years, I can't really compare the two. The 2022 version is a pretty typical, cheap little slasher flick, populated with the usual bunch of idiot cannon fodder characters and a couple of good gory kills. Forgettable, but entertaining enough for a one-time watch.

[Rev. Powell]

CYBERSATAN APOCALYPSE NIGHTMARES (2021): A hitman goes on a series of missions in a surreal city. An underground student-style film from Hungary with an excellent soundtrack (that goes from metal to techno to jazz) and a noirish black-and-white style that sometimes hides, and sometimes highlights, the very low budget. The complete lack of narrative gets old fast, making it drag even at an hour long. Free on Vimeo (just search for the title). 2/5 for a good try.

[lester1/2jr]

The Shedim (2020) - Well, I liked the Goetia Diaries but this was significantly better. The director's credits are mostly in reality tv, including MTV's "Made" so he knows a thing or two about...I don't know... making stuff. It has moments that are like Sinister or Hereditary but is obviously not on their level. Low budget movies that "work" can of course be better than high budget movies that don't, but there are gradations of good cheap movies. This one works AND has decent acting, scenery, hot chicks etc

A guy apropos of nothing takes his family and moves out to the woods. A film maker is tasked with finding out why. There are certainly some "why would anyone do this" sort of moments on all sides but it's believable enough. The titular Shedim is an Old Testament demon who may exist or may be someone's inner stuggle yadda yadda

4.75 /5

a cut above. director may have taken it too far with IMDB page stating that so and so played "themself" yeah its all real we're back in the early 2000's

[FatFreddysCat]

"Halloween: A Cut Above The Rest" (2003)
This in-depth documentary about the making of John Carpenter's 1978 original "Halloween" first appeared as a bonus feature on the film's 25th anniversary DVD. It's got lots of behind the scenes clips & photos and extensive interviews with all the movie's major players (Carpenter, Jamie Lee, P.J. Soles, etc.). Longtime fans probably won't learn anything new, but it's a fun trip down memory lane.

"John Carpenter's Vampires" (1998)
James Woods is absolutely hilarious as the leader of a squad of bad-ass vampire slayers, sanctioned by the Catholic church, patrolling the Southwest U.S. in search of bloodsuckers. After wiping out a nest of particularly nasty vamps, they have to stop a powerful "Master Vampire" who's gotten his hands on an artifact that will allow him and his brethren to walk in the daylight. A funny, violence packed horror/action/comedy blend in the "From Dusk Til Dawn" vein, that spawned two direct-to-video sequels (one of which starred Jon Bon Jovi, of all people!).

"The Majorettes" (1987)
Someone is killing the members of a small town high school's majorette squad. Sounds simple enough, but this flick quickly deviates from its standard slasher story and but gets bogged down by random side plots involving a plan to steal an old lady's inheritance and a gang of drug dealing punks, all of which climaxes in an out of nowhere, full on action-movie gun battle full of explosions. I'm like "did they make this movie up as they went along?"
After a while the only thing keeping me watching this poorly acted train wreck were the pretty girls in various states of undress. Unless you have a high tolerance for Z-movie pain, you can safely AVOID this one.
Useless trivia, this truly weird '80s relic was written by John Russo (writer of the original Night Of The Living Dead) and directed by Bill Hinzman (aka the "Graveyard Zombie" from NOTLD).

[Rev. Powell]

THEY CRAWL BENEATH (2022): An earthquake brings huge hallucinogenic worms to the surface, and an off-duty cop finds himself trapped in a garage with them (and with his family issues). Its 2.9 rating on IMDB is justified, but it's hard to pinpoint why: everything seems close to adequate, but nothing really works, leaving this horror thriller limp as a worm. Not entertainingly bad, not hatefully bad, just bad. 1/5.

[Rev. Powell]

MST3K: INVASION USA: Here's one of the few MST3Ks I've missed over the years. It's about a bunch of bland 50s white people in a bar when a Russian sneak attack occurs; they all die (but come back at the end). It's comically easy for the Soviets to conquer the US, all because, it's implied. we didn't spend enough on defense. Pretty boring propaganda which fortunately is proceeded by a much funnier short, "A Date with Your Family" (Tom: "The Woody Allen Story!" Mike: "Hey, I like my family, but as a friend!") 3/5.

[Morpheus, the unwoke.]

A forbidden orange,  2021.

Semi documentary about how the movie 'a clockwork orange' was shown in fascist spain in 1975 after being banned there.

The movie is widely disputed and attacked,  but it was nice to see Malcolm McDowell relfectig on a movie he made 51 years ago.

[Dr. Whom]

The Princess (2022)

A princess wakes up to find she is locked in a tower and is to be married to the evil usurper. She has to fight her way down to ground level in order to save herself and rescue her family.

That is really all there is to the movie, which is very much a film version of a fight game: a series of fight scenes, culminating in a show off with the main villain. People have criticized Prey for being too simple, but that is a Christopher Nolan movie compared to this one. The Princess is a martial arts version of Die Hard, set in a generic fairytale world.

That being said, the fights are good (and they take up about half of the running time), at 1h30 it doesn't overstay its welcome, and it is nice to see a damsel get out of distress. I found it perfectly entertaining at the end of a tiring day.