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February 24, 2021, 11:19:36 PM
661125 Posts in 50542 Topics by 7069 Members
Latest Member: ElisabethC Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Entertainment  |  Buncha Stuff That Sucks « previous next »
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Author Topic: Buncha Stuff That Sucks  (Read 1045 times)
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 1237
Posts: 8582

The sleep of reasoner breeds monsters.

« on: March 12, 2020, 07:26:00 PM »

oversleeping; clothes come out of dryer with “musty” smell; your roommate uses your hairbrush; rabid-looking stray dog s**ts on your lawn; getting a toothache; bad hair weeks; boyfriend reminisces a bit too fondly about former girlfriend’s ‘killer rack’; buying rotten bananas; broken hot water heater; biting your tongue while eating tasteless three-bean casserole at a church supper; dumb-as-a-brick spouse never gets your witty jokes; getting burned by a sparkler on the Fourth of July; slicing open your leg while shaving in the shower when you’re in a hurry and have to wear a dress that day; cop car pulls behind you, lights flashing; breakfast cereals cost too f**king much; migraine headache sufferer won’t shut up about seeing ‘lights’; sitting through class while having to fart; the expression “I can relate to that”; whacking yourself in the nuts with a yoyo while trying to impress cute girl; awesome new video game won’t run on your crappy old computer; bra strap shows in senior picture; your marshmallow falls in campfire;  getting ‘sexiled’ by your roommate; the way too much coffee makes your pee smell; excellent college football game not shown in your region; flat beer; trying to shop for a week’s groceries on twenty bucks; Saturday morning cartoons pre-empted by f**ked-up political debate; the shrill noise of a dentist’s drill; someone eats the white stuff out of every Oreo in the box and leaves the cookies licked on and staring you in the face; fat math teacher’s rank breath when he leans over you to b***h you out for missing a problem; pervy neighbor gropes you in the stairwell; sunburns that don’t peel; running out of hot water in the middle of your shower; underwear riding up; stuck on elevator with freak who wants to talk about Jesus; hangnail getting caught on sweater; cleaning puke put of back seat after your turn as designated driver; paper cut; finding out ‘too late’ toilet paper roll is empty; sister didn’t return your rented DVDs on time like she swore she would; those little orange and black peanut butter candies given out by cheap people on Halloween; can’t get off the phone with overly-talkative grandmother; sitting one table in from smoking area at restaurant; fiancée tells you she won’t give head anymore once you’re married; first day of school; hot soft drinks; fat-ass sadistic dike gym teachers; getting called by army recruiter during senior year; that old-folks smell; a***ole who wants to run you over on the expressway; athlete’s foot; late-night get-rich-quick infomercials; jocks so short they have issues with their height; NASCAR; beets; whacking holy hell out of your toe while walking to the bathroom late at night; flat tires; scraped knees; muggy summer nights; wasps; fat housecats; licking an envelope with lint on the glue; constantly hearing a really squeaky laugh; pop-up ads; black guy driving ahead of you stops to talk to another black guy he sees on the sidewalk; barber recommends Rogaine when you thought your hair was fine; they quit making that one ice cream you love; reading an email where the writer tried to be hip by using too many abbreviations; armpit stubble; cleaning out your locker at the end of the school year; walking the gauntlet of Girl Scouts selling cookies in your grocery store lobby; being hit-on by a really gross person; AARP; running into your drinking buds while buying your girlfriend tampons at the mini mart; being bullied by a friend into reading a book you have no interest in reading; tithing; sitting through your bud’s bulls**t UFO story that grows more elaborate every time he tells it; doing genealogy research and finding out your ancestors were stupid hillbillies; dude who won’t shut the hell up about how he has given up watching television; knowing about your mother’s sex life; people who tell you the entire plot of a movie you haven’t seen yet and want to; prune juice; anima; some douchebag gives you a wedgie while you’re throwing up; having ‘Boner’ for a last name; getting ripped off by a soft drink machine; girlfriend’s atheist roommate tags along pub-crawling and won’t stop dissing you for supposedly believing universe was created by ‘white-male God-figure’; flip-flop sandals; changing your girlfriend’s cat’s litterbox; the taste of Pepto Bismal as it’s being puked up; registered letters from the IRS; the Prom Queen you were jealous of ten years ago actually still looks pretty at your class reunion; gay servers named David; ads for laxatives during dinnertime; getting hit in the eye by a rubber band; undercooked fish sticks; both your daughters get engaged the same month and expect you to pay for their weddings; boyfriend collects action figures at age twenty; forgetting where you left your dentures; crowded rush-hour bus-rides on hot days; the emissions check on your car; standing in line at the grocery store; letting your bikini area grow out so it can be waxed again; getting invited to some obscure cousin’s wedding just because she’s trying to up her gift tally; ice cream headaches; dead possum hit in front of your driveway; depo provera shots;  dumbass who won’t let you stop playing some ignorant board game; zipping your nipple up in your windbreaker; falling face-first into wet cement; being too poor to go on the class field trip; white subtitles against white backgrounds; bargain lip balms; racist minority student talking s**t in anthropology class and bleeding heart professor won’t tell him to shut up; ‘technical’ virgins who brag they’re saving themselves; lawyers; overpriced coffee; dead links on websites; parent-teacher conferences; tangles in wet hair; a***oles who kick dogs; born-again co-workers; being able to hear the person in the apartment next to you peeing because the walls are so thin; being horny and having your period; adolescents cussing to sound grown-up; thinking cartoon characters are ‘hot’; the smell inside a bottle of aspirin; turbulence on a trans-Atlantic flight; band at expensive concert gives half-ass performance; tabloids putting pictures of celebrities corpses on covers of their magazines; chain saw mishaps; getting peed on by a hamster; jerkoff big brother pretending he’s going to push you over the side of the hot air balloon you got to ride on your twelfth birthday; finding a hair in your chocolate pudding; getting tear gassed by paranoid old lady while you’re walking to your car at grocery parking lot at eight PM; rope burn on your wrists after boyfriend wants to experiment with S&M; your sister’s ice cream cone has more than yours does; losing your music collection in apartment break-in; poop stains on men’s briefs; pushy Macy’s salesgirl sprays you with perfume without asking; dying of dehydration because dimwit hiking bud forgot to bring water purification tabs on trip to Gobi; Mom makes you spend Saturday during school year cleaning basement; skidding on ice and hitting a cop car; guy you lose virginity to later dates your cross-dressing brother; wart on ass looks like Dick Cheney; sneezing snot-globber onto date’s sweater; birth mother blackmails adoptive parents out of your college fund; you buy a dress from thrift store and week later snooty neighbor says she had one just like it but gave it to Goodwill; annoying inner monologue; Hitler gives you the wets; Food Network hosts are all so thin; Grandma re-marries after Grandpa passes; being too tired to sleep; ‘secret admirer’ in seventh-grade is popular kid tricking you for a laugh at your expense; summer school; the ten seconds having sex with a male virgin lasts; being sent to Bible camp; being fourteen and the waitress still sets an under-twelve kiddie menu in front of you at restaurant; constantly noticing you look older now than you did in your driver’s license picture; your cousin has the hots for your dad; stopping to help stranded motorist on deserted highway and getting shot in the head; teacher jokes for twentieth time that the Holy Roman Empire was neither ‘holy’ nor ‘Roman’ nor an ‘empire’; sympathy bone from frat party tells you she’s five days’ late; getting hit in knee by high school friend’s punky four-year-old; supermodel you grew up masturbating to marries lame a***ole; airhead co-worker constantly asking if she can borrow a maxi-pad; great-aunt with chin whiskers asks at family get-together why you’re not married yet; cab driver speaks no English and you have no idea how to get where you need to go; the wild blue berries you ate were not blueberries; doing past life regression and learning you were Heinrich Himmler; losing sleep over fact US President does not have line-item veto authority; you donate internal organ to save friend’s life and he confesses needing it was an April Fool’s joke; guy giving you cunnilingus has a chipped front tooth; ordering ice with your Diet Pepsi in Mexico; guy at bar you challenge to fistfight turns out to be Hindu god in mortal disguise; tofu hot dogs; your next door neighbor starts selling Mary Kay; you hold off screwing your roommate’s ultra-hot, newly-single brother because you don’t want to damage your friendship, then a month later she moves out anyway; being convinced invisible sharks live in swimming pools; favorite radio station switches to sucky new format; getting fired just after hot chick gets hired in your department; thermonuclear war; anonymous note saying your deodorant isn’t working; realizing favorite childhood cartoon was stupid exercise for selling related merchandise; traumatic adolescent incident, long-forgotten, rears its ugly head at family reunion; burning the roof of your mouth on pizza; awkward silence following your big announcement; stripper at bachelorette party is related to your gynecologist; being made to share candy with your sibling; come-worthy Jenna Jameson clip you downloaded is mislabeled kiddie porn; pay toilets; having a pelvis that won’t stand up to childbirth; DJ talking over the cool start to song you like; getting wasabi in your eye; your in-laws like your brother-in-law’s kids better than yours; Virgin Mary appears and tells you to do something creepy; getting hit-on by guy so dumb he thinks you don’t know he’s hitting on you; being the janitor who cleans the bathrooms in an all-male dorm; your perky appearance threatens your boss’s insecure trophy wife; stepping on walnut shells with bare feet; your honest question gets ridiculed; taking care of sick husband all three days he has flu, then when you get it from him, he takes off to play golf and leaves you home alone; you drop ten-grand on breast augmentation and your boobs end up asymmetrical; losing life savings because your broker’s ‘hot inside tip’ came from a guy with a Ouija board; leak in apartment roof ruins your baseball card collection; being the guest of honor at a bris; being mauled by a pack of toy poodles; going to Death Row for crime committed by identical twin sibling you never knew you had; obscure pop culture references everyone gets but you; week after hot date it starts burning when you pee; your patent is denied because another inventor submitted same idea one day before you; they open an abortion clinic next door to your house; while seeing it with snake handlers you find The Passion of the Christ hilarious; being an aspiring Olympic swimmer growing up in the Mohave Desert; listening to drunk wife tell the nicknames she gave past boyfriends’ penises; while you are at work teenage daughter you grounded gives all your possessions to the Salvation Army; musk incense; bow ties; televangelists; neighbor gives you vegetables grown in her garden and you really don’t want them; being eight and staying all night with a friend whose bed smells like pee; forgetting cool thought you had a second ago; having a drunken a***ole father who gets a kick out of embarrassing you in front of other people; fingernails so dirty they’re green; doorbells that play whole songs; junk mail; being forced to buy car insurance; teaching while having cramps; bagger at grocery store crushed your white chocolate chunk cookies; some dick writing ‘wash me’ in the dust on your car’s trunk; toilets that don’t flush very well; working for a company that makes you do time-efficiency reports so complicated they decrease your productivity; lying on delivery table listening to doctor estimate how many stitches closing your episiotomy will take; guy next door re-wires your electric meter so you’re paying for his bill; your job gets outsourced to India; you’re pregnant and you start to crave the gunk under your refrigerator door; neighbor’s ferns die while you’re house-sitting for him; you have a ten-inch schlong but are so unpopular at school no one knows; the Rapture happens; you know every line to every Monty Python movie; obscene call you made to the busty varsity cheerleader you like at school is traced to your bedroom phone; you leave a stainless steel spoon in the bowl of soup you’re microwaving; your wife and mistress get pregnant at same time; ring you find metal detecting the beach turns out to be costume jewelry; your daughter’s ballet recital requires her to have a two-hundred dollar outfit the same week your transmission gives up the ghost; slipping on a wet bar floor and falling into a table of Hell’s Angels; Taco Bell for lunch, karate class that evening; your basketball coach is also your algebra teacher; being a nymphomaniac who is only turned on by sci-fi geeks; you bought a Yugo in 1986; you tell your best friend people are talking about her ‘slight mustache’; being told you’re too old for your favorite toys; your iced tea smells like river water; being a puppy bought by Bob Barker fan; hornets build nest under your pool deck; your genius is misunderstood; having your life pass before your eyes and dying ashamed of how lame it’s been; waking up and seeing masked pervert smelling your shoes; living downwind from a nuclear reactor; jealous neighborhood bully breaks your new toy; psychologist laughs uncontrollably at your painful secrets; men who are afraid of the word ‘vagina’; Watergate’s ‘Deep Throat’ turned out to be boring old guy; someday you will die; in 1981 you sold soul to the Devil for ability to be the greatest Disco dancer ever; crude big brother said something so gross about strawberry jelly donut you were eating in 1990 that you haven’t been able to touch one since; fuzzy dice that dangle off rear-view mirrors; the ‘bright side’ turns out not to be so good either; you regret sleeping with more than fifty-percent of your conquests; a spider walks across your face in bed; you have tickets to game seven and the World Series only goes six games; breaking the heart of someone you love; having a fantasy life that you are a character on Saved By The Bell; getting fired for ‘dog meat joke’ at job at fast food place; taking a drink of soft drink then laughing so hard cola comes out your nose; they re-possess the car you could have afforded if your job hadn’t been eliminated; your elementary school principal; rough Kleenexes; wiping a booger on the bottom of a table and making contact with one someone else already left there; working as a ‘straight-commission’ telemarketer; being unable to control your laughter at inappropriate moments; sleeping with an overly-sensitive guy who wants to hold you a little too long after sex; being a Devil Worshipper in Utah; lower back pain; opening your mail box and discovering a rattlesnake inside; sitting so long your butt hurts; as you’re masturbating the phone rings and your mom starts talking on your answering machine; hating your first name; people who say ‘please?’ when they mean ‘huh?’; being stuck in a car with a bunch of drunks; crunchy socks; your best friend grows up and turns too cool to give you the time of day; you fake a grand mal seizure to escape gym class and no one buys it; you spend weeks wanting something and you get it and find it’s not that cool; making out with someone who has sweaty hands; your life peaked at sixteen; a complete stranger taps you on the shoulder and when you turn around, they punch you in the face for no reason you can figure out; razor blades in Halloween candy; your landlady is too poor to pay the electricity at your ‘all utilities included’ apartment, so you sit in the dark; you’re a girl and people are always telling you how much you look like your daddy; you’re Santa, you exist, and the rumor that you don’t is driving you ape-s**t; getting embalmed while alive; your pet mouse runs all night on a squeaky exercise wheel; you go to Tibet, hike two-hundred treacherous miles on foot, climb a three-thousand-meter mountain in order to ask the wisest man on earth one question—and then realize when you get there you forgot your Tibetan-English dictionary; your partner in poetry class writes a haiku about your nose hairs; you’re a hard-core Dixiecrat in 2005; after picking up a gloriously hot woman at a club and spending the night with her, you wake up in her bed the next morning to the sound of the front door opening and closing and her husband calling out that he’s home from the overnight trip at the gun club; smiling in wintertime and cracking your chapped lip; pop quizzes; cactus pear schnapps; shock collars for kids; going to sleep thirsty; your pet snake gets loose in your apartment building; inhaling pop rocks; you’re a forty-year-old married father of three and you have wet dreams about your kids’ teenaged babysitter; being offered a slice of birthday cake after a kid with a hacking cough has just blown out the candles; you send your best friend to find out what the hot boy you lust after thinks of you and he tells her he thinks you’re ‘flat-chested’; your car is a total piece of s**t;  long stories that don’t go anywhere a la Garrison Keilor; you’re a boy with four sisters and you aren’t allowed to hit them back; a bluegill cleans your fishing hook for the tenth damn time; finally accepting bitter truth that he only likes you for your tits; you were born in 1988 and are sure you’d have had a cooler life if you’d come of age in the 1970’s; they won’t let you be class valedictorian because you’re six months pregnant but the chick who replaces you had an abortion junior year; computer virus you can’t get rid of; you shoot a bird with your new BB gun and cry about it; creepy grandmother tells you people in Heaven see everything you do; going from size four to size eight in one school year; lovely shade tree in your front yard dies of blight; family vacation is spent someplace lame; you lose those last ten pounds thanks to bulimia and still think you’re too fat; the cruise ship you’re on sinks; prostate exams; parents buy a bike too big for you so you’ll ‘grow into it’; dog chews lower branches off artificial Christmas tree; anonymous caller on your wedding morning informs you your fiancé laid the stripper at his bachelor party; living in a state where there are no dinosaur fossils to be found; gumball machine in store lobby rips you off; seeing dog get hit while you’re driving; the monotone golf announcers use on TV; stepping on a King Cobra; non-intoxicating modeling glue; finding the first gray hair among your pubes; cable company disconnects your service for non-payment of account; being in the bathroom and missing fiery mid-air collision at air show; adult swim at local pool; being obsessed with foreign exchange student; realizing server at restaurant recognizes you as the dude who didn’t tip him at other restaurant he worked at last month; roommate’s boyfriend drinks your beer; sitting through half an hour of commercials before they show the movie at the multiplex; having allergies the week after you get your nose pierced; getting clothes as Christmas gifts when you’re under ten years of age; being the tallest girl in fourth grade; having to pee on a long Greyhound bus ride, so you whiz in the port o’ let in the back and everybody on the bus can hear you go;  skanky neighbor works on her topless tan in the back yard and even the teenage boys don’t want to see her; priest yawns during your confession; falling on your ass on ice on school parking lot; climbing stairs while nine months pregnant; dickhead terrorist misspells your name on your kidnapped son’s ransom note; vomit smell old pizza leaves for days in the air of your apartment; PBS pledge-a-thons; spending months fantasizing about going to the nude beaches on your vacation to France, getting there and finding them filled with fat old people; your restaurateur friend complains that it’s more expensive every year to bribe the city health inspectors; evolution put human male’s testicles in highly kickable location; the former Spice Girls are richer than you’ll ever be; nerd you beat up in third grade is now CEO of software conglomerate; your girlfriend starts playing Alanis Morissette all the time; getting fried chicken from KFC drive-thru, then trying to drive home with greasy hands; funky scented candles; being a white guy who converts to Islam; your banker embezzles your life savings and runs off to Brazil with his secretary; unrequited love; cottonmouth while stoned; eavesdropping on your mom’s phone call and finding out she’s sending you to military school in the fall; bleeding ulcers; those big-ass bodyguards who are always with the pop star you’re stalking; you run away for a week and no one at home much cares; you’re an eighth-grade boy and an eighth-grade girl gives you a black eye; stray mutt you’re petting on sidewalk bites you; stone bruises; family of skunks moves into your backyard shed; posthumous fame; you wake up at seven years old and find your daddy obviously trying to steal the money the tooth fairy left under your pillow; you were a child star at ten and now you’re sixteen; being eaten by South Sea cannibals; having a southern accent and moving to New York where you’re thought of as stupid because of it; you discover you’ve run over a family of bunnies with your lawnmower; going face-first into a black widow spider’s web in the dark crawl-space under your seldom-used hunting lodge; your Jewish fiancée’s mother explains that she likes you but ‘dear, you’re just not one of us’; teacher refuses to pronounce your name right; the IRS auditor is the boy you wouldn’t give the time of day to your senior year; book store manager reminds you “this isn’t a public library”; as you hold her over your face, newborn daughter ‘spits-up’ in your open, cooing mouth; every time you go home to visit your folks, it turns into three hours of them getting free yard work out of you; f**k-faced moral reject down at the bank won’t take sixty-dollar overdrawn fee off your account even though you could have sworn the funds were in there before you wrote the check; you wager your last hundred on the horse to win and he comes in second by a nose; your sister-in-law leaves a brochure for liposuction on your coffee table; you wake up blind after trying the hit of acid your friend the chemistry major created; you see a cook at the restaurant where you’re eating leave the bathroom without washing his hands; it’s three AM and your smoke detector goes off; your live-in boyfriend leaves and takes his cool movie collection with him; lightning strikes you dead; the jack slips while you’re changing tire and you get a concussion; the hot chick you’re getting ready to snort some lines with turns out to be an undercover cop; you picked the wrong mushroom in the woods; the swimming hole had leeches; you catch your best friend molesting your senile grandpa; popcorn kernel burns your tongue; in church the  preacher uses your name to illustrate a story about adultery; black cat crosses your path and as you turn to tell your friend you’re not superstitious, a satellite falls on you; kid next door convinces your four-year-old to eat a toad; can’t get a date cause you’re an undertaker; practical joking boyfriend puts icy-hot inside your diaphragm; centipede in your hiking boots; you choke to death eating something you didn’t like the taste of anyway; loose girls who reform; someone beats your high score at the video game you used to rule; favorite author dies; snowballs with ice inside them; the ‘chigger bite’ on your ankle turns out to be a parasitic egg sack; you get a registered letter from the county health department; Simon Says eat a poodle turd; beating your grudge-holding proctologist at handball; your new roommate wakes you up by opening your bedroom door at two AM and only then you realize where it was you’d ‘seen him around’—the post office on a wanted sign; you run out of gas in the middle of nowhere and the house you walk toward for help has an unchained pit bull staring at you from the front porch; your melting Popsicle falls off the stick; the chick you’re having sex with makes more noise than a washing machine; falling down the escalator; a jump rope hits you in the eye; the string breaks on your tampon; the guy who made your parachute was mad at his boss; you abruptly realize the ‘someone I know’ in the cautionary story your friend is telling you is yourself; the python has Fluffy’s leash hanging out its mouth; woman you have a crush on says of you to her friend, ‘see doesn’t he remind you of Homer Simpson?’; forgetting to add sugar to the cake you’re making; you’re in a duel and your pistol misfires at nine paces; you see a quarter lying on the sidewalk and as you lean down to pick it up, you bang heads with someone else who’s leaning down at the same time; after crying at the appointment with your fertility specialist, pushy co-worker brings in an album of pictures of her new baby; getting a white gumball from the jawbreaker dispenser; sunscreen failure; a mile down the road you discover goofy kid at the hamburger place didn’t put your soft drink lid on tight enough; commercial for life insurance you’ve seen ninety times already; you’re fifteen and the usher at the awesome R-rated movie you sneaked into refuses to be cool about the situation; God decides He hates your guts; due to extreme pain you forget the safe word mid-way into a bondage game; grass cuts on your bare feet; it’s your girlfriend in the bestiality flick your frat brothers rented; leaf mold allergy; sharp boogers; bad grocery store samples; having to pay for your gasoline with loose change while you’re holding up a crowded line; spending a month collecting cans for recycling and getting two dollars for it; joining the Freemasons to get out of speeding tickets, and the judge hates Freemasons; while doing your laundry significant other examines a pair of your panties and goes, ‘gross what IS that on there?’; anti-fur protesters dressed in leather; sarcastic hairdressers; sticky countertops; seeing yourself on footage from a local news story about how fat people are these days; server won’t put dressing on the side of your salad like you asked; you’re five and no adult will believe your possessed teddybear is trying to kill you; 411 is a dollar a call; you convert to Buddhism to get back at Methodist parents, who still don’t give a s**t; ribbon candy; voices in head telling you to kill; toy poodles; visible ear wax; your doctor says, ‘Uh-oh’ while giving you an exam; just when you think you’ve gotten away with it, America’s Most Wanted profiles you; classmate borrows your notes to copy day before mid-term, then forgets to give them back; your career as a major Hollywood sex symbol would be ruined if it was known you’re secretly a flaming homo; genie in the bottle you find on the beach is too literal in granting your wishes; last sight you see before tranquilizer takes effect is girlfriend you cheated on standing over you with tube of super glue; you’re the character in an urban legend; meteorologist projects tornado going down your street;  you really do shoot your eye out with your new BB gun; boyfriend uses your toothbrush; you’re on your fifth new religion in eight years and you still don’t feel happy; tell-all miniseries ruins memory of sit-com you grew up loving; Playboy Playmates are now younger than your daughter; parents split up and each wants you on their side during arguments; the bitter truth that your friends take you bar-hopping because you make them look prettier; a bear bites your testicles off; home alone watching TV Land on a Saturday night; the freshman fifteen; burping up hotdog taste; girlfriend makes you read her blog every day and quizzes you on it; returning to your hometown once your fifteen minutes are up; eminent domain laws; undercooked French toast; friends think you know a little too much about Star Trek; stinky elevators; insecure man shakes your hand too hard; being thirteen and your mom wakes you up for school and sees your morning wood under the sheet; new hairstyle “doesn’t work”; vengeance-seeking spirit of Indian your great-great-grandpa murdered comes back to victimize his descendants; chewing gum melts in your purse; the smell under the band of your wristwatch; his first wife’s engagement ring was more expensive than the one he got you; your toddler picks up your cuss words; maggots in your kitchen trash can; your father skips his weekend visitation with you so he can be with his girlfriend’s kids; tree eats your kite; you lie and tell him how good he was in bed, and he believes it a little too much; camping and nobody brings a tap for the keg; telling your blabby Irish cousin you made out with an English guy; a drawer full of mismatched socks; showers after gym class; Texas Tittie Twisters; sharing a slobbery joint; nobody comes to your party; college-age daughter’s abortion bill shows up on your Master Card statement; hold a python to impress cute girl working at the pet store and it bites you on the nose; skirt tucked into panty hose; you’re at the grocery truly trying to shop and guys keep hitting on you; source of “he’s gay” rumor turns out to be your own grandma; being held under the water so long at your Pentecostal baptism that CPR is required to bring you back around;  the ending of “Old Yellar”; getting saddle sore; squinting at your penis, your girlfriend asks if you’re sure they circumcised you ‘enough’; the first time in your life a cute teenage boy calls you “Ma’am”; unexploded land mines; pit viper in your sleeping bag; extraterrestrial impregnates you; intimidatingly hot chick doing your Brazilian wax makes suggestive comments about labiaplasty; your dog is a racist; nobody believes your ‘hot cheerleader’ story; broken glass inside a snowball; ‘80’s aerobics classes ruined your knees; plucking nose hairs; having the same first and last name as somebody famous; enabling your teen’s alcoholism; your moronic cat befriended the serial rapist hiding behind your bedroom door; your little brother can beat you up; neighborhood brat shoots your two-thousand dollar parrot with BB gun; you round down the number of guys you’ve slept with and new boyfriend still freaks at the total; it IS a hickey but they think it’s a bruise; European toilet paper; mouth cuts; spork mishaps; seventh grade; boiled peanuts; training bras; stuttering; GORP; post-orgasm blush; rotten candy apples; pain; earthquakes; long division; fleas; cheap crayons; malaria; fruit cocktail; hazing; cold bathrooms; God isn’t your witness; lists that go on too long.

Das was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich noch merkwürdiger. (What does not kill me makes me stranger.)
Bad Movie Lover

Karma: 91
Posts: 850

It's root beer & a candy cigar!

« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2020, 10:27:34 AM »

Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 0
Posts: 6484

Occidentali's Karma

« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2020, 10:30:12 AM »

Dear Lord  Buggedout

Is it October yet?
Gabriel Knight
Bad Movie Lover

Karma: 120
Posts: 688

« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2020, 11:42:24 AM »

Walls of text.  Twirling

I hate Citizen Kane.
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