Suicide

RCMerchant · November 11, 2020, 02:55:19 PM

I, like many people, when they feel bad, or are planning to kill, themselves or others- it's not about money or profit. But killing for love-or wanting to-is about feeling like your life is collapsing in on itself. It's an awful feeling, but it when it happens so much in your life, you just get sick of it all.
I guess that's just me. I'm sure most people deal with these issues. But I have a problem when folks f**k with the people I love.
I just have a problem with my mind sometimes. My emotions go faster than my logic.

Zapranoth · November 11, 2020, 02:57:11 PM

I'm glad that you were able to reach out and get help from your friends here.

Glad you are okay and not going to hurt yourself or anyone else.

The alcohol and its effect on impulsiveness is a big, big danger. Which you know. But I see it happen to people, in the role I'm in. Try to cut it down, Ron. Please!

RCMerchant · November 11, 2020, 03:09:08 PM

Thank you Zap.
Booze is not the factor here. I can be sober for a week, and if I find out my friend is being hustled by some pimp-I'll kill the motherf**ker.
I know that sounds radical. I don't care what it sounds like. I don't need a 40 year old gangster putting the move on Tiana, who works very hard at a nursing home taking care of covid-19 folks, busts her ass too. Bought her own house. Was adopted when she was a baby into group homes. Goes to school and works. Fought hard for what she has, to be conned by some grifter she met on Facebook.
f**k that. I don't think he'll come around. He'll look for a new mark with money.
BUT! If he does- I will blow his head off. That's a normal way to feel, right?

Allhallowsday · November 11, 2020, 04:37:01 PM

Quote from: RCMerchant on November 11, 2020, 03:09:08 PM
...BUT! If he does- I will blow his head off. That's a normal way to feel, right?

Sounds normal to me.
Ugh I have one ugly temper (just for me Ron - booze does let the genie out of the bottle). Anger is normal; how one handles it is another matter.

Trevor · November 11, 2020, 06:23:53 PM

Sending good vibes your way Ronny: I was in a bad way in August when I realized Mom wasn't going to get better.

She is still with me, thankfully: things will and do get better, I promise.

RCMerchant · November 11, 2020, 06:42:27 PM

Thanks, Trev. I know they will, but, I'm sure you know, in the heat of the moment, you think crazy sometimes. Like wishing you were the incredible Hulk, and could just stomp everything.
And then realize- you can't. Reality doesn't work that way.

Allhallowsday · November 11, 2020, 06:47:24 PM

Quote from: RCMerchant on November 11, 2020, 06:42:27 PM
... Like wishing you were the incredible Hulk, and could just stomp everything.
And then realize- you can't. Reality doesn't work that way.

Told you. Genius.

RCMerchant · November 11, 2020, 06:55:20 PM

^ Far from it. Sometimes I have to put myself out of my body, emotion wise, and think, "What are you doing?"
And that's when I see- " That's crazy.".
I'm pretty stupid. It takes me wanting to kill somebody and myself to pull me back from that crazy- and friends like you folks.
I thank you all and love you all.