Here's a couple stories that show why Florida Man is such a fun drunk.
First we have
this guy who wants people to think he's Rick James, b***h.
According to an arrest affidavit, Paul Kijek, 50, exited a St. Petersburg bar around 4:15 AM Sunday and “was kept from driving by multiple witnesses due to his level of intoxication.”
When police subsequently arrived at the Back Bar, they called for a taxi, which Kijek entered. However, Kijek (seen at right) began yelling at the driver and then allegedly punched him in the face as the car pulled out of the parking lot.
Kijek, cops say, then jumped out of the vehicle and “began dancing in the street.” He screamed “obscenities to include ‘You white motherf**kers’ and ‘I’m Rick James, b***h.’”
The 6’ 3”, 300-pound Kijek, who lived less than two miles from the bar, was then arrested for battery and disorderly intoxication, both misdemeanors. He was not cited for what was surely a terrible Dave Chappelle imitation.
Then Florida Man had to
tell the fuzz what gets him off after getting drunk.
After being placed in shackles due to some alleged drunken dumbassery, a Florida collegian told cops that being restrained “gets me off,” and then requested someone “pinch my nipples,” according to an arrest report.
Cops allege that Joseph Lancaster, a 22-year-old University of South Florida student, caused a disturbance early Sunday after refusing to pay an $820 bill at a St. Petersburg nightspot.
After Lancaster argued with security guards, his friends stepped in and paid the bar tab. Lancaster, stumbling and slurring his words, then began shouting, “I am sorry none of you graduated high school, but f**k you.” Upon being detained by police, Lancaster’s belligerence did not cease. “f**k you, p***y” and “Bro, this is f**ked,” he shouted, cops noted.
When a police transport van arrived, Lancaster “even argued with the van driver,” the report states. “The defendant had to be placed in shackles and stated, ‘This gets me off.’ He also said ‘pinch my nipples.’”
