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« on: July 04, 2002, 11:24:22 PM » |
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Well, since the 80's are popular again, I thought about taking a look back at one of the more popular icons of the era...GI Joe! But not the cartoon, nor the comic, nay, I went directly to GI JOE: THE MOVIE. As a child, i thought it was cool, but as an adult, I have to fall to my knees and look to sky and scream, "What the hell was wrong with me?"
We open with a amazing opening shot of COBRA attacking the Ststaue of Liberty. Now, this would have made a great film. But, no, we cut to a swamp, where a lady in black beats the hell (and looks like she kills a couple of guys too) out of COBRA's finest and makes her way to Serpentor's throne room. You know, if COBRA was always in the red, how come they could afford all this stuff? Anyway, Serpentor knows her due to Some kind of 'genetic memory'. He knows she's from Cobra-LA, and knows her name. How? He's made up of DNA from various warlords, generals and dictators (and a pro wrestler, but I'll get into that later). Now, unless Ganghis Khan or Vlad the Impaler hung around in a secret wolrd populated by snake people, I don't think this is too likely. It's important for COBRA to get the B.E.T., which is being tested by the joes in what I think is Nepal (Near the Himilayas). First, why are they testing it there? I would think China would have something to say about a American military group doing a weapons test near their border. Second, They say it could help with the world engery crisis, but if it could, why are they fooling with it? It's not a weapon. COBRA attack's, and it gets silly from here. It seems that the BET can also turn on the RAT pac (3 robots) and this freaks out the enemy forces. Serpentor fights Duke, and he falls of the BET's main dish. Now, this thing is suppose to be generating a lot of energy. One would think that falling directly on it would burn a person to a crisp, but even Serpentor's clothes aren't even damaged. The Joes spilt up (always a bad sign) with Duke taking Serpentor back to the States, and Roadblock's group going after COBRA . Roadblock's group follows them and they are ambushed by a strange group of warriors who look vaguely like bugs. One thing of note, Quick Kick (the silent weapons guy) isn't wearing any boots. Knee deep snow, and he's barefoot. Just thought I point that out. Anyway, the joes get their collective asses handed to them (expect Roadblock, he just falls through a hole in the ice) Anyway, I'll do more later
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