You guys must be kidding... The REAL 10 worst

[Dano]

You guys weren't even close.  I defy anyone to come up with anything they'd less want to sit through than these.  So bad, they're not even funny.

10 - White Nights (ballet dancers take on the USSR, seriously)
9 - Paint Your Wagon* (see below)
8 - Dances With Wolves (Kevin Costner's ego and beautiful scenery)
7 - Steel Magnolias (Shirley MacLean, Olympia Dukakis, Sally Field - nuff said)
6 - A Walk in the Clouds (Keanu Reeves in a romance/period piece)
5 - A League of Their Own (Ever here the song the girls sing?  The horror.)
4 - Set It Off (a chick-flick uses race baiting to glorify murder and theft)
3 - The Postman (Kevin Costner's ego for THREE hours!)
2 - Coccoon (nice space aliens+feisty old people=#2 worst all time)
1 - Beaches (Do not watch ever)

* - This is NOT a joke from the Simpsons.  This was an ACTUAL western-musical starring Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin that the Simpsons made fun of.  Look it up.

[J.R.]

I find too many of the choices everybody's making to be very tame. Freddy Got Fingered is on a good deal of the lists, but it is not one of the 10 worst films of all time. Sure, it's a horrible piece of crap, but if you count it as an upper eschelon of bad film, you haven't seen bad film. I've seen low-budget horror films from the '70s and '80s that literally depressed me for days. Films so shockingly unwatchable that I, as  human being, feel ashamed to be a member of the species that produced such atrocities.I will not name names, because it would be a traumatic experience, but Freddy Got Fingered, by comparison, deserves to be dissected by classes at Juliard.

[Cullen]

J.R. wrote:

"I've seen low-budget horror films from the '70s and '80s that literally depressed me for days. Films so shockingly unwatchable that I, as human being, feel ashamed to be a member of the species that produced such atrocities."

I, too, have seen crap films, and then I have seen CRAP FIIMs.  I know that feeling.  

I 've already listed my own personal ten worse in the gramatically intersting thread "What the top 10 worst movies of all time." (It's the first post with my name by it: collect them all.)   I stand by what I said there.  In fact, Dano, I can assure you that I would rather watch EACH AND EVERY ONE of the movies on your list than see any one of those films again.

Twice, even.

I kid you not.

There are worse films than the one's you've listed, Dano.  I'd advise you to seek them out, but I'm just an ass and not a sadist.

[Foywonder]

Actually, I'd say your 10 worst list is one of the worst 10 worst lists I've seen yet. Most of your selections are basically chick flicks and anyone who puts COCOON on their 10 worst list pretty much kills any all credibility. From the looks of your list, you hate anything about women or old people. Go see XXX and do the dew. That's probably you definition of a great movie.

[jmc]

FREDDY GOT FINGERED is listworthy because I think five, ten years from now, people will still bring it up whenever they mention bad movies.  I don't just mean bad movie fans, but the public in general, sort of the way MY MOTHER THE CAR is mentioned whenever people talk about bad TV shows.   It's destined to become a punchline to any joke about bad movies.
 That's quite an achievement--I can't think of any other film in recent years that has quite been able to do that...most of the crappy films are forgotten months after their release, even the bigger budget ones.

[Offthewall]

I can't make a list but I mean come on you gotta have like
The brain that won't die (even MST3K couldn't help me through it)
Santa Conquers the Martains (althought MST3K did help)
Crater Lake Monster
and my least favorite of movies A very brady sequal

[Fearless Freep]

Dano, your list is pretty lame and pretty tame.  Nome of those movies inspire sheer horror to be seen or cause malfunction of internal organs.

Any Top 10 list of bad has to have at least something by Robert Corman, CharlesBand, Alburt Pyun, or Bert I Gordon, or be prepared to explain why not

Go try "Dead Space" with Marc Singer or "Nemesis" (by Pyun, with OliverGrunner and Tim Thomderson) or "Robot Holocaust" or "HorrorVision" or "Equalizer 2000" or "Robot Jox"....and then come back with a serious list

Heck, the Italians turn out dozens of moves *per genre* whose whole budget probably isn't worth the cost of the lunch cart for anything you've mentioned.  Check their catalog of a) Sword And Sandels or b) Post-Apocolypse movies.  They have an entire industry devoted to ripping off "Mad Max" alone


...and I happened to like "Paint Your Wagon"

[Andrew]

You're trolling... ...right?

I can certainly understand someone having these as their worst films choices (everyone is different), but to expect everyone else to have them as theirs sounds absurd.

Just look down the list of reviews for skulls (and, darn it, "Trial of Billy Jack" is missing).  Those are my nominations for worst films.

[raj]

Only one I've seen is Dances with Wolves, a mediocre film, but not horrible, and certainly not in the same leage as Orgy of the Dead.

[Dano]

Of course I was trolling.  

I guess my problem is that I define a "worst' movie as something I'd never sit through again no matter what.  I've seen plenty of low budget horror movies that were wretched, but I enjoyed them on the level that they were funny (isn't that the point of this site, or am I missing something?).  If you define "worst" as poorly plotted, low production value, etc., then I'd have an almost entirely new list.  Almost.

Sorry to put Coccoon so high on the list, but if you think an old lay moonwalking in Air Jordans and saying things like "radical" is in any way entertaining, I can't help you.  And if you think Beaches is "lame and tame," then you clearly never had a girlfriend try to force-feed it to you on a Saturday night.  My God it was the worst movie-related experience of my life.

[Cullen]

Dano (the troll) writes

"I guess my problem is that I define a "worst' movie as something I'd never sit through again no matter what.  I've seen plenty of low budget horror movies that were wretched, but I enjoyed them on the level that they were funny (isn't that the point of this site, or am I missing something?).  If you define "worst" as poorly plotted, low production value, etc., then I'd have an almost entirely new list.  Almost."

I agree fully with that statement, and reiterate that I have no desire to see the movies on my list ever, ever again.  Ever.  As far as I'm concerned, they have no value, even as mocking material.

They're all skulls, in other words.
_____________________________________________________________________
Is it just me, or should "Worst Movie" lists should really be called "Movies I Hate" lists?

[jmc]

Yeah, there's a difference.  Some movies I hate a lot of other people like.  It's just that I don't like that kind of movie.  So certain films probably aren't really the "worst movies."  The worst movies are ones that no one likes other than fans of bad movies.  

I don't even think PEARL HARBOR should be on a worst 10 list, even though I don't think it's a good movie.  A lot of people like it.  They're selling special edition DVDs, and so on.  It's mainly critics and discriminating film fans who don't like the film--the general public seems to like it fine, though not enough to generate TITANIC-like numbers.

[Nathan Shumate]

Fearless Freep wrote:
>
> Go try "Dead Space" with Marc Singer or "Nemesis" (by Pyun,
> with OliverGrunner and Tim Thomderson) or "Robot Holocaust"
> or "HorrorVision" or "Equalizer 2000" or "Robot Jox"....and
> then come back with a serious list

Hey, there is NO WAY HorrorVision belongs in such unsavory company...

Nathan

[Fearless Freep]

Sorry, Nathan, I forgot you liked that one :)

I just saw it a few weeks ago and it was still fresh in my mind.  Overall I thought the movie was pretty cool and you could tell the did a really good job with a pretty small budget.  However the ending seemed a little but...I don't know...seemed like they ran out of money and just tacked on the final showdown.  A shame because they were doing so well.


In it's place, I will nominate "The Shadow Men" with Dean Stockwell...